What's Happening At Scotstoun?

OBVIOUSLY the main focus of the rugby media at the moment is on events in France, however, there was an interesting wee reminder of normal life going-on back at the ranch, earlier this week, when a “squad update” popped up on the Glasgow Warriors' Facebook page. What it contained concerned me somewhat.

It's easier to use the copy and paste function so:

“Oli Kebble (shoulder), Allan Dell (groin), Murphy Walker (calf), Enrique Pieretto (neck), Sean Kennedy (knee), Stafford McDowall (calf), Logan Trotter (ankle), Josh McKay (foot), Sintu Manjezi (pectoral), Thomas Gordon (knee) and Fraser Brown (knee) are all continuing their rehabilitation on their respective injuries.

JP Du Preez is awaiting surgery for a knee injury with a further update to be communicated in due course.”

Given more than a complete XV of Warriors are in France, to find a further 12 players are on the injured list, with the first pre-season hit out of the new campaign looming, it's concerning. What has Mr Smith and his coaching team been up to? Even more worrying - the first four names on that injury list are all props, I wonder who's going to be in the front row against Parma Zebre this weekend.

Another Warriors' Facebook post this week revealed they've apparently got new caterers in to look after the food needs of the Scotstoun faithful. The prices are eye-watering, there is no such thing as a cheap night-out at Warriors' games.

The prices being charged definitely prove the ground is in the affluent West End of the Dear Green Place - £10 for a burger, but, these are not any old burger, these are wild venison or pheasant burgers; or you could have 'The Pecker' – a chick pea and lentil burger – how very Ashton Lane! “Peacock” Fries and Cheese £8.50, as Chewin' the Fat might have said: “Ah! The banter.”

I suppose a request for a pie and Bovril will get you chucked out as definitely not the right sort for Scotstoun.

Apparently, they've now got draught beer in the corporate hostility areas of the ground. “They're going down-market Hamish, I can no longer get a half-decent Chablis to wash down my pheasant burger.” I can hear the complaints already.

UNLIKE their cousins across at the Scottish Football Association in Glasgow, they don't have an official roll of honour for the 50-cap men in EH12. Perhaps just as well, since so-many of the giants of the amateur era, having to juggle a rugby career with the day job, never got close to that number. Also, there were far-fewer internationals back in the day.

But if there was such a roll of honour at Murrayfield, you would not find the name of Stuart McInally on it, now his career has ended with him pulled out of the World Cup squad by injury and stranded for ever on 49 caps.

“Rambo” surely deserved that elusive 50^th cap, which he would almost-certainly have earned againsr Romania on Saturday night. But, look at it this way – there are a lot of forgotten Open Champions – one-hit wonders as it were, but, everyone with even the most-remote interest in golf remembers Doug Sanders, the guy who missed the “gimmee” putt to win at St Andrew's in th 1970 Open. I sense, Rambo will go down as the Doug Sanders of Scottish Rugby, and that's no bad thing.

I wish him well in his new career as a pilot; and, they'll still be showing that Twickenham try in 50 years time.

STILL ON the subject of the World Cup, I can see huge problems coming down the track, unless World Rugby gets a grip. A wee history lesson.

For years FIFA and The International Olympic Committee were ruled by, for want of a better explanation: “Rich, middle-class white men.” They looked after each other's interest and made sure: “the right sort of chap” got to make the big decisions.

Administrators such as England's Sir Stanley Rous and the USA's Avery Brundage ruled with an iron fist for years. However, along the way, they made enemies of some powerful figures whom they didn't quite see as the right sort of chap, and, in the end, it came back to kick them in the goolies, as the likes of João Havelange and Juan Antonio Samaranch wrestled control from the former elite, by the simple process of persuading the “second-class” nations that they had their interests at heart and could change things.

Now World Rugby has long apparently been run to suit the Big Seven (England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Australia, New Zealand and South Africa) British Empire Nations – look how long it took France to get a seat at the top table.

When you see the difference between the suspensions handed out to serial offender Owen 'No Arms' Farrell and Namibian Captain Johan Deysel, well you have to wonder what is going on – there still seems to be one rule for one, a different rule for the other.

I fear, some day, perhaps sooner rather than later, somebody will emerge from outwith the magic inner circle, to galvanise the minor nations, turn them into a strong voting bloc and sort out the inequalities.

Unless we get a flatter playing field, then Rugby Union can never become the world game it deserves to be. But, will the “Old Farts” jump, or, will they have to be pushed overboard?

FINALLY – Stuck for something to watch on TV? Can I recommend a Netflix documentary series: Home Game, which looks at traditional local sports from across the globe.

Episode One concerns the traditional game of Florence – Calcio Storico. This one has a history going back at least as far as 1503, and it's bloody violent. In fact, it's the most-violent sport I have seen since they neutered the Auchinleck Talbot v Cumnock fixture in the late 1990s. Some of the off-the-ball stuff is right up there with the best seen at Beechwood or Townhead Park. A great watch.

 

Is It Time To Give Finn That Non-Existent Arm Band?

MAYBE Jamie Ritchie having to go off has done us a favour. I thought we were a better team under Finn, who stepped-up to become THE Leader. Depending on the Return To Play protocol, and given Toony will surely wish to give some of the fringe players a run-out against Romania – I would stick with Finn as Captain.

I have to admit, I was worried about Tonga. One of my friends is convinced we will have our off-night against the East Europeans, I always thought the Islanders' game was the potential banana skin. However, we managed to avoid the slip.

OK, we won, we won well, but, for me it was only a 7.5/10 performance, and we will need at least a 9.5/10 if we are to beat the Irish and qualify. Mind you, I am growing fond of the idea of the Celtic Cousins repeating the notorious 1982 fix, when, in that year's FIFA World Cup, knowing a draw would see both qualify, Austria and West Germany played out a game which stunk to high heaven.

After all, it makes little difference who they get next – France or New Zealand, it's a tough game either way.

Mind you the whining, if the Saffers miss out, will make that century or more of Whinging Poms sound like a soft whisper.

Finally, on the Scotland game; loath though I am to criticise individuals on the back of a win, but, I am the only Tartan Army member who thinks Ewan Ashman isn't Scotland class?

I had thought his poor show when coming off the bench might lead to Stuart McInally getting that deserved 50^th cap against Romania. Sadly, he has now picked up a neck injury and been replaced by Glasgow's Johnny Matthews.

ROUNDING OFF the weekend at the RWC, can I just say, whatever relative failures we critics might have identified around EH12, and allowing for the fact some of us feel we would be better-off minus the Fat Mancunian, compared to matters in Sydney, we are in a good place, Australia were awful against Wales, and I don't think it is all the fault of wee Eddie.

THE INTRODUCTION of the 'Futures XV' to the FOSROC Super Series has given an added dimension to the competition. How, one wonders will they be feeling down at Goldenacre this week. They post an emphatic 39-12 win over Boroughmuir Bears, to go top of the heap, then have to sit out the next round of fixtures and perhaps see Ayrshire Bulls, who entertain Stirling Wolves, leap-frog them back to pole position.

In last weekend's other match, Southern Knights prevailed over the Futures XV to move into fourth spot. They've got an interesting match this weekend, entertaining third-placed Watsonians and probably hoping for the win which would lift them above the Myreside men.

IT IS obviously too-early in the season to call it a decider, but, as we look forward to Week Five of the Premiership season, the upcoming clash between Hawick and Currie already has the look of being a significant match-,up.

Currie was the only team to put a blemish on the Greens' season in 2022-23. They have kicked-off this campaign with four straight bonus points wins, to move four points clear at the top of the table, so, if they can maintain their great start at Mansfield Park on Saturday, well, they will take a bit of reining-in.

The Chieftains certainly rose to their first big challenge of the season on Saturday, crushing Heriot's 46-5. Even this early in the campaign, they are looking good.

Hawick demonstrated their intent in hanging on to their title, with a good win over Edinburgh Academical, at Raeburn Place, putting themselves into third spot, behind Marr, who reinforced the Fortress Fullarton legend with a comfortable win over Selkirk.

AYR are setting a brisk pace in National 1. Their excellent 35-13 win over Melrose at The Greenyards has left them five points clear of the chasing pack, which is led by Highland, after the Inverness men;s thumping 50-21 win over GHK. Probably not the result the Old Anniesland outfit were looking for before they kick-off this weekend's programme, by entertaining the next-door neighbours, across the Anniesland hedge, when Glasgow Academicals come calling on Friday night.

IT MIGHT be a clash in the third tier of the club game, however, Saturday's Gytes coming together between Peebles and Lasswade just might be the game of the day in Clubland.

The two sides are locked together at the top of National 2, both on 20 points, after four straight bonus point wins. Lasswade are top, by a mere 12 points on points difference. This one could be epic.

Falkirk, who lost to Peebles on Saturday, face another tough match if they are to hang on to third place. They entertain fourth-placed Gordonians on Saturday.

This league is equally tight at the bottom, with four clubs: Berwick, Kirkcaldy, Stewart's-Melville and Aberdeen Grammar separated by a mere two points.

NATIONAL 3 is rapidly turning into the hardest of the five national leagues to call – with the top five clubs all within one win of each other. Considering it lost its special status 50 years ago, and ceased to exist at all in 1989, it's only us old romantics who can remember Allan Glen's School. So there is something comforting in seeing Allan Glen's heading the table, from “surprise packets” Orkney, with Preston Lodge and Hillhead Jordanhill tucked-in close behind.

Bernie Mitchell from Hills contacted me last week to highlight the Orkney challenge. He gets a chance to gauge how real this is, with the north islanders due at Hughenden in th pick of the fixtures.

With five clubs within a win of each other at the top, then a further four clubs within a point of each other, it's starting to look grim for fallen giants West of Scotland at the foot of the table. This really is a competitive division.

NATIONAL 4 continues to be led by Garnock, the only unbeaten side in the division. They have a three-point advantage over Whitecraigs, who are being chased by Dunfermline and Stewartry.

IN THE LAND called Caledonia, it's as you were, with Panmure continuing to set the pace in the Midlands Conference, with Dundee Seconds going second, by virtue of beating Grangemouth Stags, who are third.

In the North Conference, Moray thrashed bottom team Aberdeen Wanderers to continue their impressive start to the campaign, but the big result saw Aberdeenshire edge out Mackie FP 32-31 in the battle between third and second. Mackie's advantage being cut to two points in the process.

HADDINGTON and Linlithgow continue to set thee pace in the East Region, where both have gone four from four at the start of the campaign. Forrester, who entertain table-topping Haddington on Saturday, lie third, three points off the pace-setters.

Penicuik are four from four at the top of the East Second Division, while a real local battle is developing in East Division Three, where Trinity Accies and near-neighbours Edinburgh Northern are locked together at the top, each having posted three wins, and drawn their fourth match, when they faced each other on the opening Saturday of the season.

BEST IN THE WEST at the moment is still the claim of Ardrossan Academicals, four from four and five points clear of second-placed Wigtownshire. Cumnock are third, following a result us old Cumnock players could only have dreamed of, when we were taking punishment back in the 1960s – a 32-22 win over Kilmarnock.

The league leaders face a double test of their mettle over the next two weeks. They entertain 'Shire on Saturday, before heading for Broomfield to face a Cumnock side, who will have the backing of a bunch of aged reprobates, who have arranged a pre-match lunch prior to the match on 7 October.

CAMBUSLANG are the pace-setters in West 2, but they only hold a two-point lead over unbeaten Bishopton, who have played one game fewer. Waysiders/Drumpellier, Strathendrick and Carrick are keeping close order in a division which will surely go right to the wire.

In West 3, Birkmyre, Lochaber and Moffat are the early leaders, 'Myre holding a two-point lead at the top. However, Moffat have a game in hand.

 

Saturday Night Was Real, But, We Are Still In The Phoney War Phase

I OPTED out of the France v Namibia World Cup clash on Thursday night. I reckoned it was a case of: “how many?” so I watched, back-to-back, the Aberdeen and Rangers games, while recording events in Marseilles.

Watching the recording, on Friday morning (the joys of retirement); the big thing I took from the game was: [SHOCKEROONIE!!!] Matthew Carley and assistant Andrew Brace both had a good game, as did TMO Joy Neville. I have been (justifiably) critical of that trio, but, on Thursday night they were bang-on.

The big post-game talking point was the injury to Antoine Dupont, what a blow for France, and the tournament, to lose the face of the event. French resources are being sorely tested, but, I would not write them off just yet. Some of their tries were French 'Champagne Rugby' at vintage, Premier Cru level; mesmeric stuff.

The Dupont injury demonstrates once again the craven cowardice of World Rugby. I am not saying immediately imposing the sternum height tackle line, already in use in the club game, onto the professional game, would, at a stroke, put an end to the head-on-head collisions which did for Dupont. In the heat of battle, players will always make mistakes and we will, regardless of the tackle lines imposed, always continue to see such collisions.

However, if the players know high hits are going to cost them game time, if they know where the tackle line is – and if the coaches coach proper tackling technique and insist on it being applied – in time, we will banish such injuries from the game.

[A wee aside here. I came across a Facebook page: “Amateur Rugby League fights.” One of the thiings I noticed is, most of the tackles are high – chest and upwards, and a high hit often starts the fight. In professional Rugby Union, there are a lot of former Rugby League coaches, particularly defence coaches. Obviously, they are coaching the high tackles which are standard in their game. Thus, classical low Rugby Union tackling is all but a lost art in our elite game. Might I suggest, we ditch the Rugby League coaches and get back to coaching proper tackling. You never know, it might work and improve the game.]

The other thing I took from the game was that third French try – that one was as good as any they have scored; absolute classic Gallic flair, great running and support and brilliant off-loading.

ARGENTINA v SAMOA was a proper, old-fashioned arm wrestle, deservedly won by Los Pumas, who found an additional gear in the second half.

Samoa will be ruing the goal kicks which they missed, in the end, these misses proved costly. From a Scottish perspective, it was good to see Edinburgh's Emelliano Boffelli getting on the score sheet in a generally impressive performance. At least, the South Americans have now got their no-show against England out of their system with their 19-10 victory.

FRIDAY night's Watsonians v Ayrshire Bulls match in the FOSROC Super Series was a hard watch for fans of the Millbrae Men – on several levels.

• Is skipper Blair Macpherson's new shaven-head look a case of 'Samson Syndrome' since he did not look at all like his usual self?

• Once again their half-backs did not impose themselves – the link was too-slow while, for once, the Bulls back-row was well-beaten at the breakdown, where Kwagga van Niekerk has a storming game.

• Were they suffering from ring rust, after a two week lay-off?

I am sure Pat McArthur and the Bulls' Brains Trust will sort things out quickly, but, it, for me, didn't help that Ian Kenny did not reach his usual standard as a match official. I felt he was quick to spot Bulls' transgressions, of which there were many, but less-inclined to spot and punish indiscretions from the home side. Still, on a bad night all round for the Bulls, I suspect Watsonians would still have won.

GEORGIA v PORTUGAL on Saturday afternoon was wonderful entertainment; two teams determined to have a go and producing a thoroughly engrossing match. I think in the end, it was right that it ended up as a draw, although, given the two nations' relative standing in the world of rugby, it perhaps will be seen as a moral victory for Los Lobos.

And, given the abuse the match officials have had to suffer in this World Cup, only some of which has been justified, the officiating team played a blinder.

THE REAL entertainment, however, came on Saturday night, when Ireland and South Africa locked horns. This was the real thing, two rutting Royal Stags, or 15 Alis v 15 Frasiers – Number One in the world v Number Two, a genuiine heavyweight competition.

I thought Ireland won for two reasons:

1. South Africa paid the price for not going with a front-line place kicker.

2. Ireland (yet again) played the referee better.

As I have been saying for years, the Rugby Union Law Book is now in such a mess and so badly in need of a complete rewrite, while refereeing interpretations differ so-much, more often than not, the side which plays the man with the whistle better wins. And in tight games like this, that is often the difference.

The likes of Peter O'Mahony are masters at working out how far they can bend the Laws and prevail and that certainly worked on Saturday.

Mind you, I still think we will beat Ireland when we play them. We maybe don't have the power to halt the Saffers, but, we do have the intelligence to nullify the irish, and, we are overdue a win against them.

It's this afternoon, against Tonga, that concerns me.

OF COURSE, it doesn't matter a jot, since, ater their demolition of a very-game, but limited Chile, the Masters of the Universe in the ITV Studio, and their foot soldiers on what used to be called 'Fleeet Street' have decided: “Rugby's coming home.” Aye Right!!

England has yet to face a good team, and, when they do, they will be found out big time. I always enjoy watching their media cheer leaders start to build them up, prior to the big let down. It's one of the joys of being Scottish.

How Things Stand After Week Three Of The Club Season

AND THEN there was one. Just three weeks into the Premiership grind and we are down to only one side with a 100% record. That's Currie Chieftains, who posted their third straight bonus point win, in winning over Musselburgh, at Stoneyhill.

This victory sets up a rather tasty encounter at Malleny Park on Saturday, when they entertain second-placed Heriot's Blues, the only other unbeaten side, but two points back, courtesy of dropping points with that Week Two draw at Kelso. Heriot's went second by beating Edinburgh Academical on Saturday. Accies are still third in the table, just ahead of Marr, who remain 'Best in the West' following their narrow win over Hawks, at Balgray on Saturday.

IN National 1, Ayr are the only unbeaten team after three rounds and, as the vagaries of the fixture computer would have it, they face the stiffest test yet of their resolve on Saturday, when they travel to The Greenyards to face second-placed Melrose. Ayr have a four point lead over the 'Rose, but, given the history between these two clubs, we can expect another cracker this weekend.

NATIONAL 3 shows a three-horse race at the top, with Lasswade, Falkirk and Peebles all on 15 points, and separated in that order by points difference. Falkirk and Peebles go head-to-head on Saturday, so something has to give there, while the table-toppers host seventh-placed Berwick.

NATIONAL 4 is headed by Garnock, two points clear of similarly unbeaten Stewartry, courtesy of three bonus point wins. On Saturday, Garnock make the short hop to Greenock Wanderers, still seeking that first win in this, their 150^th season, while the Castle Douglas boys make the lengthy trip to Dunfermline.

CALEDONIA'S Midlands Conference is headed by Panmure, who have chalked up four straight bonus point wins, to put themselves five points clear of Grangemouth Stags. There's a curtailed fixture list on Saturday, so the Stags, if they can overcome third-placed Dundee 2^nd XV, can take advantage of Panmure being idle to pull level at the top.

MORAY RFC top the Caledonia North Conference, by virtue of being the only unbeaten side. They have a three-point advantage over Mackie FP, with Aberdeenshire a further two points away in third.

The top three sides in each Midlands Conference will go forward to the end of season promotion play-offs.

HADDINGTON and LINLITHGOW are setting a fierce pace at the top of the East Region. Both have posted three straight bonus point wins, to pull clear of third-placed Forrester.

Linlithgow had quite a win on Saturday, scraping past Broughton FP by a scoreline of 55-52, now that looks like an entertaining game. Haddington also had something of a high-scoring game on Saturday, winning 40-29 at Royal High.

OVER in the West, Ardrossan Academicals, having dropped out of the National Leagues at the end of last season, are making a determined effort to bounce straight back. Three straight bonus points win has left them as the only unbeaten team in the First Division, and four points clear of Oban Lorne and East Kilbride, with newly-promoted Wigtownshire fourth.

APOLOGIES for the brevity of this post. I am now at the age when you have silly accidents, so slipping and falling down while up my garden has seen me confined to bed and unable to work at my normal pace. Normal service (if this blog can ever be said to be normal) will resume shortly.

 

A Bit Of Shrinkage Might Be Good For The Game

OVER MY many years in this daft trade of sports-writing, I have realised, up in the rarefied air of international sports administration the motto is a nod to a little-remembered British television sit-com of the 1960s: 'Never mind the quality feel the width.'

Watching the first two games in round two of Rugby World Cup '23 – France v Uruguay, then Namibia v New Zealand, was very much a case of NMTQFTW. Nobody, except perhaps the most-deluded supporter of Uruguay or Namibia thought pre-game: “We could have a shock here” - well we did, if a somewhat undercooked shadow French side not securing a bonus point can be seen as a shock, get at least one surprise outcome.

For as long as any game's High Heid Yins persist in their belief that they need to turn their World Cups and World Championships into mini-Olympic Games, we are going to have to sit through too-many one-sided mismatches, lop-sided, over-long group stages and small build-ups, before we get to the real meat – knock-out games between the very best.

The Olympic Games is already approaching melt-down status. The sheer cost of staging this quadrennial sporting extravaganza is becoming unsustainable. The knock-on effects are starting to show, with the Australian state of Victoria, not exactly a poverty-stricken “third world” part of the globe, baulking at the cost of hosting the Commonwealth Games.

Football's FIFA World Cup, when next held in 2026 will feature 48 nations – jings, with that many it will almost be more-difficult for Scotland to mess-up as usual than to qualify. There simply are not 48 footballing nations good enough to strut their stuff on the global stage.

Similarly, there are not 20 rugby-playing nations good enough to go to our game's global show piece.

I grew up in the golden era of 16 team global tournaments. Shorter, sharper but still capable of being uplifting. As an impressionable youngsters, I got a bigger kick from watching Puskas in 1954, Pele in 1958 or Beckenbauer in 1966 than some of the iconic global stars of later tournaments, bloated from the original 16 teams to the current 32 teams.

Here's a suggestion for the power brokers of international sport:

If you truly want to show-case the best of your sport, go down the less is more route. Your big quadrennial one sport alternative to the Olympics features just 16 teams. But, you go down what in curling terms used to be called the High Road/Low Road route.

You start with 16 teams. You have an element of seeding, you can even start with four groups of four. If you go down the seeding route of straight knock-out games, it's 1 v16, 2 v 15, 3 v 14 and so on. If you go down the group route, the first and second in each group goes into the quarter-finals, then it's knock-out all the way to a final winner.

But, what you could also do is have a Low Road competition for the losers, who in turn keep playing off until, at the end of the competition, you know your 1 to 16 final order.

This way, every game will mean something. You would be less-likely to see one-sided demolition jobs, and every team would know where they stood in the global pecking order.

RIGHT – that's the basic thrust of today's sermon out of the way. Now, where does it lie in relation to the ongoing Rugby World Cup. Well, we still, as I write this waiting for “The Samoa/Fiji/Japan moment” - that's when one of the less-fancied Tier Two teams puts one over on one of the big boys.

Perhaps, had World Rugby not put Matthew Carley in-charge, we might have had that shock in Week One, when Wales stumbled past Fiji, but, we are still waiting.

The Round Two fixtures have shown, the gap between the top tier and the lesser nations is narrowing, but, a gap there still is. Chile and Portugal battled hard, as did Tonga, but, the results still went as expected.

OK, that wasn't perhaps the case with Fiji beating Australia; but, given how poor the Aussies have been in the build-up to the tournament, and the fact Fiji were royally screwed in losing to Wales, it wasn't really a surprise. A great way for the Fijians to get 69 years of hurt off their backs.

I reckon, now Australia will bounce back and beat Wales. Georgia could yet spoil this forecast, but, I reckon, in Australia and Fiji we saw the two teams that will qualify from this group.

Not merely because of my ABE leanings, I had hoped Japan would beat England, but, rather like us against South Africa, the Brave Blossoms didn't turn-up. The game was turgid viewing and Jamie Joseph might well go to his grave still cursing his side's failure to beat a distinctly-ordinary England team.

The much-maligned Steve Borthwick now has a major headache. His side has somehow staggered through two victories, without coming anywhere near English expectations, but George Ford has managed things very well, while Courtney Lawes has been an inspiring Captain, Does he stick, or does he twist, by bringing back The Man With No Arms?

They will surely beat Chile, even with OF in the team, but, depending on results, their final game, against Samoa might call for a bit more than they have shown thus far. It could get interesting.

Finally, in Round Two, the referees came good. Why, even Andrew Brace gave a good account of himself, who'd have thunked it.

Looking Back For Guidance On Going Forward

IN MY Fourth and final year at school, as one of the two tallest forwards, I played in the second row, or in my preferred position of Number Eight.

Leaving school and joining the local club, I found myself one of the shorter forwards, so I was switched to hooker in the second XV. I still remember my first game in that position. I took the tight-head count 10-0, and, in one memorable scrum, when the opposition's veteran tight-head decided to come after me, he received, in very-quick succession: A Glesca Kiss from my loose-head, a second GK from me, and a sharp right hook from our tight-head – my elder brother. He didn't bother us after that.

My next two games were not so-enjoyable, as I was taken to the cleaners by a wily Kilmarnock hooker, before the great Sam Muff, a legend among Ayrshire hookers, handed me my erse on a plate in a game against Ayr A2s. We did, in that match, however, in the first scrum of the second half – a restart scrum after the second half kick-off went straight out – push the Ayr pack all the way from half-way back until their number eight, Tom Gilchrist, found himself with his erse jammed-up against a goal post.

To his eternal credit, post-game, Sam Muff took me aside and gave me a quick master-class in the Dark Arts, for which, to this day I am still grateful.

Sixty years on, I can still remember that, and I dare say, I am not the only retired “donkey” with such fuzzy recollections to warm my declining years. Scrummaging, it's a game within a game – or, it used to be.

The thing with the scrum is, it is supposedly a means of re-starting play following a break-down which has not resulted in a penalty. However, generations of front rowers turned it into the above-mentioned game within a game, with its own unwritten laws and protocols; then the powers-that-be decided to get involved and, perhaps in their rush to turn Rugby Union into Basketball with an odd-shaped ball, they ruined things.

We now have a situation whereby, instead of being a means of re-starting play following a break-down, the scrum has become a means of winning penalties. This has to stop.

Sure, if there is an outbreak of Glesca Kissing, or fisticuffs, then by all means award penalties. Mind you, when actual violence breaks out on the rugby field, I always have sympathy with the referee, unnamed but mentioned in my old mate Michael Green's seminal tome: 'The Art of Coarse Rugby' who when complained to by a player that two of the opposition had just punched him, replied: “If two of them did it, you probably deserved it.” That referee might well have had the surname Hosie!!

Back to Maverick – I honestly believe, today's front-line props, with perhaps the exception of one or two South Africans, might struggle if confronted by such past masters of the Dark Arts as 'The Viet Gwent', Ian McLauchlan, Sandy Carmichael, Hughie McLeod, Fran Cotton, Syd Millar or Ray McLaughlin.

Sure, the likes of Ellis Genge carries ball well, but, he simply cannot do the basics of his job in the scrum, and he's not the only one of today's 'stars' who cannot do the basics.

Mind you, they get a lot of help from the 21^st century Law book and the application thereof. They also get huge help from today's referees, few of whom have genuine front row experience.

That's the thing, not many props or hookers, when they retire, go into officiating. I can remember two Wizards of the Dark Arts who made that unlikely jump Edinburgh's Johnny Bacigalupo and Glasgow's Jimmy Bulloch – father of British Lion Gordon and Scotland cap Alan. I think Jimmy helped write the Darks Arts Book of Spells, and nobody messed around when he, or Johnny, was on the whistle.

The thing, however, is, scrums, when properly formed and performed, offer opportunities for some subtle play. A strong prop, able to make the slightest of adjustments to his body position, can take his opponent to places he doesn't want to go, and upset the whole apple cart. It takes a very-good match official to spot what has happened and differentiate between what is good work and what is foul play.

But, the referees, or more-properly the game's High Heid Yins, haven't helped matters. We really MUST get back to straight scrum feeds, down the middle of the tunnel, to hookers striking for the ball and making the scrum a means of restarting play, rather than a penalty lottery.

 

 I have long maintained, at the elite level of the game, where television is in use, having a "Spidercam" camera, as picttured above, placed immediately above the two hookers' heads at each scrum, would be a massive help. That way, you have the three match officials looking at both sides of the scrum, while the bird's-eye camera would show the TMO if the front rows were pushing straight – thereby cutting-out most of the places where nefarious activities could be ongoing.

Also, if we went to timing games via a set “ball-in-play” time, a lot of time-wasting could be eliminated. And, while I am at it, let's sort-out perhaps the most-abused of Rugby Union's Laws: Law 19 (4) “Teams must be ready to form the scrum within 30 seconds of the mark being made. Sanction : Free-kick.”

Properly policing that single law would, certainly at the top level, save an awful lot of wasted time.

These are just examples of how, by decisive action, World Rugby could make a great game even greater. Sort out the “professional” tricks and practices which have been allowed to creep in, then, have a long, hard look at the Laws and rewrite the Law Book where necessary. That way, come the 2027 Rugby World Cup, we might have a better game on our hands.

 

'Fleet Street" - Under-Performing Again

BEING a sad old has-been – some might say a never-was – I review World Cups with a jaundiced eye; perhaps more concerned as to how the current stars of my trade are covering events. So, what have I learned, or gleaned from the opening weekend of Rugby World Cup '23?

This tournament is ITV's tenth attempt at being the United Kingdom's main broadcaster of the event; and, as with their previous nine attempts, they have fallen for the old familiar fault, of thinking the United Kingdom means England. Their coverage is so -slanted towards covering the men in white, they immediately have the Celtic fringes up in arms.

Then, when they do decide: we had better get a few Welshmen in for when they play, they recruit a bunch of former players as fans/apologists. Former players are almost never going to give you the right degree of candour and insight – it's just not in their nature.

Once again, the fairest of the talking heads were the Scots – John Barclay confirming his status as one of the top pundits around today, while Sir Ian McGeechan again showed, when it comes to knights of the realm with real authority, Clive Woodward isn't on the same planet as Ian.

Mind you, the English pundits in general are as poor as their team. However, in praising the Scots, can I reiterate a long held impression of mine: Scott Hastings is a better match caller than talking head. Twice or three times he had Kolbe scoring that glorious South African try, rather than Arendse.

Why the reluctance to call out Matthew Carley. The English whistler's performance in being Wales's best player ought to have been roundly criticised. I know, in today's world, particularly on social media, blaming the referee when your team loses is the default position. I could probably, had I the inclination, pick out incidents in every game where the referee got it wrong, but, as always at this level of rugby, the officials made fewer mistakes than the players.

Ok, it might have made a difference to the game had that head-on-head collision in the Scotland game been picked up, but, not as big a difference as that greedy wee Teri not passing when he had an overlap probably made. Seven points there for us and it's a different game.

As was shown by that Tom Curry red card – which I think was, for once an officiating error costing England – even a one-man advantage is no use if your team is having a collective 'mare. There was no guarantee 14 Saffers would have lost, indeed, given that nation's history, had they been handicapped it would perhaps have made them even-more determined to beat us.

Notwithstanding Carley's level of incompetence, I have long believed World Rugby MUST conduct a root and branch reform of the game's Laws. At the professional level, it is becoming well-nigh beyond the ability of one man, even a Fleming, an Owens or a Barnes to properly control things.

We need to get back to a no tolerance level around some of the wee fly moves which have been allowed to creep in; and we certainly need to lower the tackle height at professional level. Sure, there will be short-term carnage, but, in the longer term, the game will be the better for it.

I know the Laws say the referee is the sole judge of fact for the duration of the match, but, with today's technology, cannot we have amended rules regarding incidents such as the Kriel/Dempsey clash of heads. The referee missed it, the TMO missed it, but surely the citing officer could be brought-in, perhaps by Scotland (the “wronged” team in the incident) asking for a retrospective check. Then, if the decision is that Kriel should have been sanctioned, that sanction could be applied to his next game: red card, he misses the game; yellow, he sits out the first ten minutes.

The Finn Russell “no arms tackle” is another matter all together. The referee saw the incident and made a decision, so, let it go.

MEANWHILE, back in the land or purritch and auld claes, the domestic game is continuing. We have reached the half-way stage in the FOSROC Super Series, with Heriot's heading the table from Ayrshire Bulls, on points difference. These two are again looking like the probable finalists, but, with six round of matches left, this is by no means certain.

Currie Chieftains and Edinburgh Academical are the early pace-setters in the Premiership, after posting back-to-back bonus point wins in their two opening fixtures.

Result of the day on Saturday, however, was surely Marr ending Hawick's long unbeaten run to divest them of the Bill McLaren Shield. I am assured by one of the usual suspects around Fullarton that the Troon team intend being insufferably smug and arrogant for a wee while yet.

Marr, currently fourth, travel to fifth-placed Glasgow Hawks on Saturday,a with the “Best in the West” bragging rights on the line.

In National 1, Highland top the table from Ayr, the only other unbeaten side, after two games, courtesy of a 41-0 win over Watsonians, a result which perhaps confirms the belief that Edinburgh clubs travel as well as Belgian wine. Ayr meanwhile, scraped home in a humdinger at Biggar.

National 2 is the tightest league, with four sides unbeaten on 10 points, after back-to-back bonus point wins. In descending order via points difference the quartet comprises Stirling County, Lasswade, Falkirk and Peebles. Things will change this weekend, with County travelling to The Gytes to face Peebles, so, something has to give at the top.

National 3 has a majority of the clubs situated in the West, six of the ten to be exact. However it is three of the interlopers who are setting the pace, with Preston Lodge leading, from Orkney, with Boroughmuir third. All three clubs have grabbed bonus points wins in their first two games, while fourth-placed Allan Glens, on nine points, lie fourth.

Checking the National 4 table on the SRU website confirms the rumours of an outbreak of competence involving my very very-good friends Buddy and the Elves inside the SRU Media Department are wrong. It makes embarrassing reading.

However, Garnock head the standings from North Berwick, both clubs having posted back-to-back bonus point wins, with Stewartry third on eight points.

Strathmore, Murrayfield Wanderers, Whitecraigs and Dunfermline are locked together in mid-table. All are, like the top three, unbeaten, but each has won one and drawn one of their two games. It's a tight league already.