JINGS, CRIVVENS, HELP MA BOAB, but, our southern neighbours haven't half got themselves into a pickle thanks to the latest indiscretion by rugby's equivalent of Venus de Milo – Owen Farrell, a big tit and no arms.
I dare say the order came down from the executive floor at Twickenham, once VdM was cited for his foul in the Gloucester game: “Punish him, but, have him available for the Six Nations.” The trouble then was, the Disciplinary Committee would have to make themselves – and by default the wider Rugby Football Union - look really silly to pull this off.
VdM might, or might not, be a serial offender. However, it's the second time he's been up before the beaks for a no arms tackle. The last time, they tied themselves in knots to give him a six-weeks ban. So, by the normal standards, to be up on the same charge, two seasons later, he ought to get at least the same length of ban.
That, however, would keep him out of the start of the Six Nations, hence the problem for the RFU Disciplinary Committee. With Marcus Smith and George Ford both coming back from injury, the Saracen is the only number ten with international experience available to them – so they had to find a way of getting him available.
A pity they never looked to football – where players who are banned from club games can still, if needed, be picked for internationals – there was their get-out' except, thinking on their feet is not something our southern neighbours are very good at.
Still, better we beat an England team which includes VdM, it gives them one less excuse to come up with afterwards.
Then after a brilliant piece of decision-making from the RFU got VdM into the England Six Nations' squad, their troubles multiplied with Henry Slade's red card in the Saracens v Lyon game. They appear to be hoping the card will be rescinded, otherwise, he will be out of the initial 6N squad.
EUROPEAN WEEKEND got off to a great start with that brilliant Clermont Auvergne v Leicester match. OK, we have to try to ignore the: “The Gallagher Premiership is wonderful” overkill from the guys at BT Sport, but, on the night the mid-table English side beat the down-table French one – whatever that proves.
From a Scottish perspective, it was great to see Matt Scott grab a couple of tries, to emphasise the midfield depth we currently enjoy, while the young and unsung Cameron Henderson put-in a solid shift in the Tigers; boiler-room.
Saturday's highlight for me was that Gloucester v Leinster match, or rather the reaction of English Rugby in general to the Dubs' massive win. When Gloucester sent out a sacrificial squad of virtual reserves for the first game, in Dublin, it gave the English cheer-leaders a ready-made excuse of: “what do you expect from a weakened team?”
However, on Saturday, while both sides were below optimum strength, it was perhaps true that Leinster were still missing more of their big guns than Gloucester. They still won by the length of the M4 and one or two of the Leinster lesser lights, such as young centre James Osborne, really stood up to be counted.
It is perhaps dawning on some Sassenachs, that, for all the money their clubs seem to have, the English system of making the clubs the main men isn't really working. They can shout all they like about how good the Gallagher Premiership is, but, in truth, it is no better than the other two main leagues – the Top 14 and the URC.
It is a tad disappointing, however, that the only way we fans back home could catch the Glasgow Warriors' game was by taking-out a one-game pass to EPCR TV. Mind you, at £5 I suppose that is value for money – if the system works, which, in my case it didn't.
So, I had to make do with the BBC Sport Scotland text link, which told of a terrific Glasgow win. The fact that Coach Franco Smith felt Glasgow could have played better says much about where Warriors are currently. This could yet be a big season for the club.
I ENJOYED Edinburgh's win at Castres on Sunday afternoon. It wasn't pretty at time, but, it was an entertaining game and a cracking win for Edinburgh. I do feel, however, if Edinburgh are to make genuine progress, the SRU will need to recruit a top-class number ten for the club, to help young Charlie Savala develop.
Still, that's both of our clubs into the knock-out phase of the top European competitions, which has to be good for Scottish rugby.
MY FINAL match of a long weekend of rugby watching on TV was the Racing 92 v Harlequins match in Paris.
At times, it felt as if Racing were trying to lose, so many unforced errors did they commit. The Gallus One produced some sublime moments, before finishing early after a yellow card for a deliberate knock-on. His place kicking was spot-on, however.
For me, however, the game was spoilt by the ridiculously one-sided commentary from Austin Healy Sprite. He is now so bad covering games involving English clubs, he makes John Inverdale sound like the epitome of neutrality.
That Racing should play so badly and win, was a definite case of Get it right up ye ya wee fanny.
The English clubs suffer in Europe, from the fact – Wayne Barnes apart, their referees are shite and England appears to play to totally different laws interpretation from every other nation.
And, speaking of refereeing interpretations – I noticed Mike Adamson – a former scrum-half, wasn't paying a lot of attention to the new directive about scrum-halves using ruck ball within five seconds.
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