I Say Carruthers Old Boy - The Natives Are Restless And On The Verge Of Revolting

  SHEILA Begbie will, hopefully, now the season is up and running, be getting out and about to talk with interested clubs, and test the water as regards the preliminary response to Agenda 3 - the brave new world of Scottish club rugby. In envisaging her preliminary report back to Murrayfield – I keep getting seeing Carry On Up The Khyber.

 Messrs Dodson and Johnson react to Ms Begbie's first report

To:

His Most Excellent Majesty, Khazi Mark I of Murrayfield,

Chief Executive of the Scottish Rugby Union,

Lord of the Sponsorship Income,

Wearer of the Official M&S Suit,

Keeper Of The Key To The Board-room Drinks Cabinet,

Protector Of The Lesser-Spotted Johnson,

Master of All He Surveys.

Shite Mark, but you've landed me in it this time. I only just got out of Hawick alive. I had to address the natives from ootside the hut – it seems nae wimmin are allowed.

It was much the same in Glasgow. Now, I'm a Glesca Girl, but, never, not even when knocking-back a hauf-cut Rangers player inside Victoria's have I been bad-mouthed as I was on Tuesday night – and this in the West End too.

The natives are not merely unfriendly – they are revolting.

Send a gun boat, get Wee Beastie fired-up to come and protect me.

Love to Scottie,

Yours,

Sheila.

The South's response to Murrayfield's plans

I call them “the Silverbacks”, those long-retired players, usually forwards, who still turn-up of a Saturday afternoon to support their clubs, offer praise – but more normally criticism, and to bolster the bar takings. You know, you can learn a lot from spending time with these guys pre and post-match.

On Saturday, at Scotstoun, several of the Silverbacks were asking me about my repeated comparisons between Junior Football and Club Rugby. As I see it - unless they embrace a Rugby Union version of Junior Football, club rugby as the SRU seems to wish it to be in our brave new franchised world from 2019 on will not work.

For those who don't know the difference between Junior Football and real football – a crash course.

Junior Football is the replacement for clan warfare in Scotland, but, rather than Campbell against Macdonald etc., this is village against village – Newtongrange v Bonnyrigg, Kelty v Crossgates, and, at its zenith – Auchinleck v Cumnock. No quarter is asked or given, it doesn't matter how you do it, just win, is the first rule.

These days, the top Junior clubs are competing with the lesser Senior clubs for some talent, but, the best junior sides always have, at their core, one or two locals, playing for their mates and the toon. Does that sound familiar down there in the Borders?

Junior Football is the bastard child of Scottish Football. The Hampden Hierarchy is supposedly in-charge, but, in-reality, they let the Juniors get on with running things their way, with Tom Johnston, the Scottish Junior FA's Secretary, the link man who has to seek to maintain good order and discipline, like a latter-day Viceroy, occasionally reporting back to HQ.

"Viceroy" Tom Johnson

The thing is, the SFA is quite happy to allow Tom Johnston – a bloody good administrator by the way – to run things, with minimal input from further along the sixth-floor corridor at Hampden, where “real” football is administered. The Junior clubs know this – and – IT WORKS.

Now, it seems to me, and to a lot of folk, IF this new super-duper world of Super Six franchises, as outlined in Agenda 3 come to pass, what will, in effect, be the Rugby Union equivalent of Junior Football will be run by the Murrayfield professionals, by diktat. What they say will go.

I have news for Mr Dodson and his apparatchiks:

THIS WILL NOT WORK

Professional Sports Administrators, professional coaches – these guys can run professional sports – where everyone is supposed to be singing from the same hymn sheet and aiming for a common goal.

Running a strictly amateur, or even a semi-professional team, where there may be a common goal, but, those who are seeking to get there are coming from different points – well, that's a whole different ball game.

Dave Rennie can issue orders

Dave Rennie can tell his squad: “Special session, be at Scotstoun, stripped, warmed-up and ready to go for midnight on Sunday”, safe in the knowledge his entire squad will be there.

Calum Forrester at Ayr, Robin Chrystie at Melrose or Peter Wright, at Boroughmuir, if they tried that, would find – three guys on shift work at the day job who could not manage; a couple more on long-arranged week-ends away with their family; two in London on business; one flying to New York for a conference plus a couple more telling him: “Sorry coach, but, it's my wife's/mother's birthday and I am commited to a family do”.

Peter Wright has to try to persuade

Professional sport pays people to do things, amateur or semi-professional sport relies on volunteers, and, the cost of those volunteers' time and energy is – they have a say in how the team and the sport is run.

So, for what will in effect be Junior Rugby, Murrayfield MUST be prepared to delegate, to allow devolved management, back to District or as it now is “Regional” level. If they don't, this whole Agenda 3 thing is doomed to failure.

I cannot say this often enough. By all means have a semi-professional layer of the game, to allow the better guys who cannot devote themselves to being full-time professionals a platform on which to perform; to have a safety net for the late-developers, to allow the guys from the lesser clubs a potential pathway into the pro game.

But, that layer must be more in-tune with the grass-roots below it, and, for this to work, it has to be managed bottom-up, rather than top down.

The South clubs, Melrose apart, seem to have grasped this. They appear to be intending to set-up and run the Borders franchise as a re-born South of Scotland team. Yippee Kai Hay, I applaud this. If it happens, this team will be a genuine power in the land. It will be great to see the red and white hoops back, with the stockings indicating which club each player is from.

Ayr, who I am sure will go for a franchise, as Ayr Raiders, will look to build-on the SWARC South-West Area Rugby Clubs) infrastructure which Bill Nolan established back in the day, with the Ayrshire and Dumfries and Galloway clubs feeding-in.

We hear there will be efforts to establish North and Midlands franchises, which could work – bring it on.

BUT

There are two areas where Junior Football does not work – and I fear Junior Rugby will not either. These areas are our two major cities – Edinburgh and Glasgow.

As one of the Hawks' Silverbacks said to me yesterday: “The money is not there for a Glasgow franchise – any company which is going to sponsor Rugby Union in this city is already tied into Warriors; there is no funding left for a semi-professional side.”

I suspect, the same thing applies in Edinburgh, where firms and wealthy individuals who might be willing to put cash into the game are already involved with the full Edinburgh side, or putting it into the handful of Premiership sides of roughly equal stature. It is impossible to see anyone being willing to help one semi-professional side, when there is already a fully-professional one there, and a club side just below them.