Leave Dummy Spitting And Throwing The Toys Out Of The Pram To The Football Writers

I REMEMBER, some 30-years or more ago, hearing one of the elder statesmen of Scottish journalism holding forth on the psychology of football writing in this benighted part of the world.

Back then, when that particular paper still had ambitions towards being a serious newspaper, and a Scottish circulation audience which was not entirely from the extreme right, bat-shit crazy sector of Unionism, the job of the Scottish Daily Expresses Chief Football Writer – at the time, if memory serves me correctly one Gerald McNee, was supposed to be best buddies with three people – the incumbent Scotland boss, the Rangers manager and the Celtic gaffer.

 Gerry McNee in his Daily Express days

Now, given the bold Gerry was allegedly “nutted” by both Graeme Souness and Billy McNeill, he was, perhaps not very good at his job. Certainly, he never quite had the chutzpah of his predecessor, John “The Voice of Football” McKenzie, who once memorably called for Denis Law to be dropped from the Scotland side, after we lost 4-3 to Norway, and Denis had scored all three Scottish goals.

If the Express man was everyone's mate, his Record equivalent was to be the male and sporting equivalent of “Rita the Critic”, a regular character in the Weekly News's regular “Little Stories from the Police Courts” feature – finding fault in everything to do with Scottish football.

The main football correspondents for The Herald and The Scotsman, on the other hand, were expected to pen lengthy, in-depth critiques of the latest disaster to befall the game up here, but, maintain the deception that, in a world increasingly leaving us behind at about warp factor four, Scottish football still mattered.

Such nuances never bothered the papers' rugby writers. In the Express and Record, Brian Meek and Hugh Young, both being Edinburgh-based, were not tainted with the need for immediacy which was abroad at the other end of the then A8. They were also grateful for any space accorded them for “egg-ball”.

Chris Rea - being a Scotland cap, and a Lion, gave his writing authority

In that imposing edifice above the North Bridge, Norman Mair, then Chris Rea, spoke with the authority of having their Scotland caps in the display case at home. Indeed, it was sometimes suggested, Mair, because he had played alongside most of the SRU committee-men, was almost an “ex-officio blazer”, consulted on potential Scotland caps.

Across at The Herald, Bill McMurtrie was simply a very-good, old-fashioned journalist, who did the day-to-day nuts and bolts job, leaving Bill McLaren, in his Friday column, to sprinkle the star dust. The Herald also had that wonderful sporting all-rounder John Downie chipping-in his nuggets of great reporting.

These broadsheets, as they then were, knew their Kipling. They treated Scotland's triumphs and disasters both the same; although, I always felt Norman Mair's 100-words-plus opening paragraph to his report on the 1971 Calcutta Cup match was as close to soccer-style hyperbole as the great man ever came.

Today, The Herald barely touches rugby; I heard their sports output described recently as: “rudderless” - I'd have gone further, since Donald Cowey – the Sports Editor seven or eight appointments ago - found where the escape tunnel was located, the sports desk has had: “more captains than Cunard” and the ship is not just rudderless, the steering gear is shot, the engines are seized, and the emergency sails torn to shreds.

Thus, Gregor Townsend and his men, following Saturday's sorry mess in Cardiff, have got off lightly. But, I am sure Toony and the squad are aware, they really must front-up and produce a win against the French this weekend, or even the Herald might notice and feel moved to censure.

I reckon, Saturday was simply a very-bad day at the office, as they say: “shite happens”, and it certainly did on Saturday. I think we have at least a couple of wins in us this season, indeed, this might be one of those rare seasons when we send wee Eddie's Army homeward, tae think again. Let's hope so, we need a boost.

 Let's hope he has this look on his face after the Calcutta Cup game

We had chances in Cardiff, but, our execution was poor. Too-many dropped passes, poor choices, slipshod work. The squad is better than that, hopefully, now they've got their annual Six Nations nightmare out of their system, it is onwards and upwards.

I was sort of, “off grid” on Saturday afternoon at Fullarton Park. I left my mobile at home, so didn't get to see those helpful texts from friends which had been sent out while the disaster unfolded.

One of my mates, a football follower who has never been near a scrum in his life, texted: “Taxi for Townsend”, after the game. Maybe that sort of thinking is allowed in football, I am certainly not subscribing to it in rugby.

If the boys put the work in this week, cut out the stupid mistakes and stay focussed, I am certain we will beat France and move on. Good players are allowed the occasional 'mare, I am sure things will get better.