We Will Not Be Mistaken For Rays of Sunshine This Week

AS A SCOT, there are certain certainties and mottos which we ingested like Mother's Milk:

• The rank is but the guinea stamp, the man's the gowd for awe that
• Here's tae us, wha's like us – damned few and they're awe deid
• Scotland – the greatest wee nation God ever put breath intae
• The story of Bruce and the Spider
• Jimmy McMullan in 1928 – go to bed, and pray for rain
• Whatever Finn Russell said at half-time at Twickenham

However, being Scottish, there are other, contradictory sayings which apply:

• Mark Renton: “Being Scottish is shite.”
• Private Fraser: “We're awe doomed – doomed Ah tell ye.”
• Tommy Docherty: “Beat 7-0 – and lucky to get nothing.”
• PG Wodehouse: "It has never been hard to tell the difference between a Scotsman with a grievance and a ray of sunshine."

You might think, God giving us the English for neighbours and overlords was sufficient suffering for one people. However, when it comes to Scottish sport, and in particular the two most-popular forms of football in our wee nation, perhaps the motto by which we live was coined by one of the great heroes of the First World War: General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett, VC KCB DSO, when he said this:

Old Melchy's best-known quote certainly applies to our approach to Scotland at the Rugby World Cup. In the wake of Sunday's disaster in Yokohama, I went back to the statistics, mindful of the advice given me by a grand old English journalist turned best-selling author, Bernard Attenborough, aka James S Rand.

Old Bernard always reckoned, if you kept an eye on the possession stats for a rugby game, the side coming out on top usually won – I've paid heed to that ever since, because, he was right.

So, let's look at Scotland's World Cup record since 1987:

• Finishing place (1987-2015) – 8, 4, 6, 5, 6, 7 , 9
• Playing record (p.w.d.l) – 34, 19, 1, 14 – 56% wins
• Playing record (Tier One nations) – 14, 1, 1, 9 – 7% wins
• Playing record (Tier Two nations) – 20, 18, 0, 2 – 90% wins

That single victory over a fellow Tier One nation came against Ireland in 1991, when we were ranked above them. So, we have NEVER beaten a higher-ranked nation at a World Cup.

OK, nobody ever travels more-hopefully than the Tartan Army, but, what gave us the notion we could beat the Irish, at a time when they were the Number One ranked nation on the planet?

Let's just hope the team re-groups and does the business in their three remaining group games, but, I have to say, beating Samoa and Japan just got a wee bit harder after Sunday.

I WILL just leave this here: but, following a big announcement back in April, less than six months ago – Scotland's travel arrangements for the Rugby World Cup in Japan, were made by their Official Travel Partner – Thomas Cook.

So, who arranged to get Henry Pyrgos out there to replace Ali Price?

OK, the ABBTA insurance scheme etc will ensure, the Scotland party gets flown home ok. However, I gather HM Government's reps when faced with the necessity to repatriate a UK subject who has fallen on hard times abroad, are only obliged to get them home by the cheapest means possible.

All those in favour of TCD and The Junta having to work their passages home in the foc'sle/engine room of a tramp steamer please indicate with a show of hands.

NICE ONE MELROSE, with their announcement yesterday of their new look for the annual Sevens – which is to become a four-day festival.

To their credit, the guys at The Greenyards have managed to keep their Sports as a sort of Big Borders Rugby Day; I know there has been a fair bit of grumbling of late, but, maybe, by going down this new route they can refresht he format and keep the tournament as the peak of the Sevens season.

Good move too in introducing the new competition for the Ned Haig Cup for the performance teams, this immediately gets round the club players shall not face S6 players thing.

And, long-term though it may be, I like their ambition towards hosting the Sevens World Cup – they have bags of time to get it right.

AND FINALLY – The QTV coverage of the Tennent's Premiership and NL1 is not getting any better – in fact, I think it is getting worse. I gave-up on Week Three after two minutes. At the very least, we need commentary, from someone who knows what he or she is talking about. This silent movie stuff is mince.