Thanks - But No Thanks

THE LAW of Unintended Consequences is indeed a strange one. Or, to put it another way: be careful of what you wish for. As originally conceived, when World Rugby changed the eligibility rules, so that a player who hadn't been chosen for an international for one country for over three years could switch his allegiance to another country – perhaps the land of his, or his parents' or grand-parents' birth – the assumption was, it would help the Pacific Island nations, who had been supplying players to Australia and New Zealand for years.

But, strangely, it's Us Scots, never a nation to let an opportunity pass us bye, who have been quickest out of the blocks – grabbing Number Eight Jack Dempsey from Australia. Now, we hear John Cooney, the Ulster and Ireland scrum-half might be ready to switch to Scotland.

Nae harm to wee John, but, I think we should say: “thanks but no thanks” to Cooney for his kind offer. At the moment, Ali Price, a Lions Test 9, is the man in possession, with London Irish's Ben White as the usual man on bench duty. We also have, at Glasgow Warriors – two capped scrum halves, in George Horne and Jamie Dobie, while at the other end of the M8, Edinburgh has two capped nines, in Henry Pyrgos and Ben Vellacott, plus the still uncapped Charlie Shiel, who as the son of a former Scotland cap and the grandson of a former Scotland and Lions scrum-half in Dougie Morgan, has the genes to make it in the international arena.

He might be relatively out of favour at Harlequins just now, but, in Scott Steele, we have another international 9 playing at the top level of the club game. With these seven guys in contention – plus Sam Hidalgo-Clyne, playing in the United Rugby Championship with Benetton Treviso, I don't think we need to recruit another scrum half – al;though we might be a wee bit short in other positions.

MARR RUGBY runs a good club website – the least wee triumph and they put something up. Well, this week, Marr utility back Dougie Steele copped a three-year ban for steroid abuse – but, the club can barely find a carpet big enough or thick enough under which to sweep the news.

Now Dougie is no naïve young player, he's been around for a while. Personally I feel sorry for him, for feeling he had to take the risk of using the banned substance. I cannot begin to imagine what he was thinking, and I hope he gets the help he needs to get over this dark stain on his reputation.

But, in ignoring this – and it is the second time in recent years that a Marr player has been caught for drugs use – the Marr high heid yins are being stupid. I've had a wee bit of fun at 'Jack, Victor, Winston and Boaby' shooting off to Lanzarote just as the bad news broke. Perhaps they thought, as usual at Fullarton, Jim Caldwell would sort-out the problem.

Yes, a drugs bust was bad for Dougie Steele, it was also bad for Marr – they have not handled the issue well – and the rest of us in Ayrshire Rugby will not let them forget this.

THIS MAY COME as something of a shock to regular readers of this pish, but, I feel kind of sorry for Sir Clive Woodward at this time. The bold Clive, at least, was not mortally wounded by having to spend part of his childhood in Edinburgh, so, we Scots ought, perhaps, to think a bit more of him than we do.

Clive, after all, “got his K” for delivering to England, what England thinks is its right – to be World Rugby Champions, he did this in spite of, rather than because of, the systems put in-place by the Rugby Football Union, but, when he tried to change things, to make it easier for England to keep hold of their number one ranking, the Old Farts turned against him and he was got rid of.

After that, you might think any reasonable man might have said: “Fuck this for a game of soldiers” and put the game of Rugby Union behind him. Well, Clive may well have done this – he got involved with Southampton FC, but that ended badly. He then had a spell with The British Olympic Association, which also didn't go well – now he's back as a talking head on Rugby Union – where, the fact he is still the only World Cup-winning coach from these islands, does give him a huge amount of stature.

Trouble is, England is a long way from winning the World Cup again, they are being coached by an Australian, and this rather upsets Clive – apparently.

OK, perhaps he was lucky with the players he had at his disposal when England coach – he didn't do as-well with the Lions. But, he was a winner, whose main problems were around the politics of sport – he simply seemed unable to handle this aspect of his job.

We should perhaps be glad, the Rugby Union Establishment in England has managed to keep such an original thinker and winner away from any type of meaningful role in the game – otherwise, we might dislike the Common Enemy even more than we do.

FINALLY – I read in Friday's Guardian that, should England lose to Us in the 2023 Calcutta Cup game, “Eddie Jones' position would be untenable.”

That's decidedly unfair, it's not as if they have been beating us a lot recently, indeed, it might be said, if we cannot beat England, then Gregor Townsend's position might be in some jeopardy – that's a game we now expect to win.