Dopey Dozen Named - Those Who Fail The Tests Will Be The Lucky Ones

WE are as yet, some way away from: “Weel, ye ken noo,” but we ken noo the identities of the 12 clubs willing to “bet the farm,” as our American cousins have it, on the pending disaster that I call Stupid 6.

 Six o' ye are doomed - is Fraser's message for the 12 applicants

Ayr, Boroughmuir, Currie, Dundee, Edinburgh Academicals, Gala, Glasgow Hawks, Hawick, Heriot's, Melrose, Stirling County and Watsonians have thrown their hats into the ring to be handed the poisoned chalice which is a five-year franchise to run a semi-professional rugby team at the new super-duper pinnacle of the club game in Scotland.

Pardon the pessimism, my “We're awe doomed,” Private Fraser impression; but, there is no way that I can see whereby this hare-brained scheme can work. I maintain my initial impression, formed last night when the “lucky” dozen applicants were named – the really lucky ones will be the six whose bid fails the forensic scrutiny of Chairman Sir Bill Gammell and his selection board of sportscotland high heid yin Stewart Harris, National Coach Gregor Townsend and Murrayfield “suits”: the Ayatollah Dodson, head bean counter Andrew Healy, Technical Director Stephen Gemmell and Head of Women's and Girls' Rugby Gemma Fay.

Bill Gammell, several £billions ago

 

Quite the best first reaction I have seen came from a “below the line commenter” - “RayCCB”, who commented on The Scotsman's story this morning about the “Deluded Dozen.” He commented: “As a shrewd and successful businessman and entrepreneur, I fully expect Bill Gamell to look at the accounts of the majority of these bidders and ask what the hell are they playing at! “ I'm with you there Ray.

When the Ayatollah announced the Stupid 6 notion, at the end of a somewhat fractious AGM back in August, his vision was of one franchise in each of the traditional Districts – North and Midlands, Edinburgh, Glasgow and the South, plus two “floaters”. (I rather like the notion of “floaters”, because the whole thing is shite) to me. The initial impression was that there would be a North Franchise, a Midlands one, and that Ayr, who were always seen as probable bidders would take-on a franchise based on SWARC, Bill Nolan's forward-looking South-West Area Rugby Clubs; leaving someone else, probably Hawks, to take-on the Glasgow franchise.

Melrose were always seen as the likely standard-bearers in the South, while the rumours of an alternative multi-club bid to revive something akin to the old “South of Scotland” team of the amateur era have been still-born. Then there was Edinburgh; what was likely to happen there was anyone's guess.

My heart goes out to the board tasked with picking the six final franchise winners. There are more questions to be answered than obvious solutions, and, I fear they will be damned if they do and damned if they do nothing.

For a start – the good folk in Aberdeen, perhaps demonstrating the Granite City's long-held reputation as canny with their cash have done the sums and said: “No thank you.” Now, this might have something to do with the impression abroad that the clubs up there do not get on. I'd like to think, they saw this scheme as flawed. But, Aberdeen has long been seen as the place the SRU wanted a presence. For years there have been hopes of the longed-for third full-time professional side being based there. Now, when push has come to shove – the oil capital of Europe cannot even support a part-time professional club.

Potential conflicts of interest

But, let's look at the composition of the review board. Chairman Gammell of course, won his Scotland caps out of Heriot's FP. This compromises his independence when it comes to judging that club's bid. Harris, although his sporting background is in basketball rather than rugby, is a Dundonian; this is Scotland, cue: “Aye, he'll be backing the Dundee bid.”

Townsend is, as we all know, a “Braw Lad” of Gala, further grounds for accusations of bias there, while Dodson has so much personal prestige riding on making this plan work, well – can we be sure he will be listening when the flaws in the plan start to become obvious?

Five of the twelve bids are from Edinburgh clubs. I cannot see any way whereby the capital's rugby public can support one full-time PRO14 team, plus two part-time franchises. There are questions of pitch usage over several of the bids. I can see some clubs being initially pissed-off when their bids are rejected, but, for me, they will be the lucky ones.

Then there is the nest of vipers which is the Borders. Three big clubs have bid, and two of them look likely to be disappointed. Who gets the short straw job of telling them?

On paper, Ayr look to have the strongest bid, however, they will have to spend a lot of money on infrastructure, and while, I am certain the canny Billy McHarg has done his homework, and reckons he will be able to jemmy the additional funds he believes need to be released to make things work from the Murrayfield coffers, nothing is certain.

There are already doubts over the financial viability of the Hawks and County bids, ditto the ambitious Dundee bid, where, as elsewhere, the tribalism of Scottish rugby clubs will come into play.

I simply cannot see how the many pitfalls, real and imagined, which stand between the basic notion of six “super” clubs and having these clubs playing, can be overcome.

A bridge too far

OK, it may well be, as a bridge between the “amateur” club game and the professional game at PRO14 level, the current Premiership does not work – I accept that. But, I repeat the question I have been asking since August – is it the Premiership's job to be this? I see the Premiership's “job” as being the platform for Scotland's best non-professional players to perform on, and, as such it works.

For me, taking the raw promise of young players and polishing these diamonds is the job of the SRU's Performance Department. Not every player they take on in the raw state makes it – the Premiership provides them with a safety net. A very few of these thrive, develop later and can go back to the professional game. Most play contentedly away in the Premiership.

Asking six clubs to risk the “farm” on doing a job the Performance Department should be doing is just not on for me. This scheme will fail, and the cost of failure will be huge.