Forget Super-6 This Is Life In Real Club Rugby

WORKING on the twin principles of – a.) keeping on the move, so as not to offer the Murrayfield jihadists who are out to get me a stationery target to shoot at – and b.) it's my ball and I say who plays with it – I today offer the discerning reader about all things Scottish Rugby, a different take on things.

Contrary to the belief, abroad in the coffee houses of Stockbridge, that old Aristotle is only interested in Stupid-6, I publish this morning, for your erudition, a piece sent to me by one of the good guys of Scottish Rugby, Birkmyre coach Brian McMillan. It cannot be easy for the likes of Brian, trying to make a difference at the erse end of the game – down there in West Region Division 3.

Brian McMillan the Birkmyre Coach

West 3 is a “Regional” rather than a “National” League, but, when you have Moffat in the same division as Lochaber, that's a moot point. The distance, according to Google Maps, who are never wrong in such issues, is 163.2 miles, or over three hours one way. So, that's one big region.

Even for Brian's club, located as they are in Kilmacolm, Lochaber is still a 100 miles-plus trip – over two hours' drive away. But still, what a drive: the Erskine Bridge, up Loch Lomondside, a “pit stop” at the Green Welly, Glencoe, Ballachulish Bridge, then, when you get there – forget the Greenyards and the Eildon Hills: how's this for a setting: Lochaber's Banavie ground.

Whaur's your Greenyards noo - Banavie, Fort William

Any way, Brian sent me a wee piece: the story of Saturday's Lochaber v Birkmyre game – enjoy.

LOCHABER 21 BIRKMYRE 8

“An atypical sunny September morning saw 14 enthusiastic “Bears” head over the Erskine bridge into those areas on the maps that are still marked with dire warnings of dragons, monsters, and ovine sirens.

Bolstered with the insane enthusiasm that only naive youths can muster, and fortified with a stop at the Green Welly, the bears thrust Northwards until, on the far side of civilisation, they arrived at Lochaber. First impressions were, to be honest, less than inspiring. The gently sloping pitch was overlooked by the foreboding gloom of Ben Nevis, shrouded in doom laden mists, the wailing of lost souls carried away in the clouds.

It is worth noting at this point that 8 of the 14 players had worked their way all through the minis, one being there on year zero (17 years ago), and 6 were from last year's U18 team. So whatever was going to unfold, it was clear that the future of Birkmyre was striding out onto the pitch as Referee Duncan McCabe kicked things off.

Despite the numerical advantage, and with the majority of possession Lochaber could not breach a determined Birkmyre defence. The work on Tuesday defending the line paid out on spades as time after time, Lochaber were driven back, held up, or turned over. Eventually, however, pressure told and they drove over to score.

Birkmyre came back strongly, and with the hill as an advantage pressured the Lochaber defence, until eventually they won a penalty which Nicky Arthur blasted over from long range. Half time came with the Bears trailing 7-3.

Lochaber came flying out of the blocks after half time with their lock Chris Simpson scoring a breakaway try three minutes after the restart taking the score to 14-3. It will undoubtedly be reported as having actually started in the region of Spean Bridge by the time the Lochaber and Oban Times goes to press. The American football pass that setup their #5 for the try might not feature in the official record, however.

Birkmyre fought back and continued to pressure the Lochaber line in the second half, forcing the hosts to concede ten penalties. Eventually Birkmyre were able to make that pressure count with an outstanding effort by the young Birkmyre lock to bring the score back to 14-8 on the hour.

Lochaber were clearly upset, and threw everything they had at Birkmyre for the last quarter. Numerous handling errors by Birkmyre gave a series of scrums to the hosts, and from one of those in the last minute of the game they crossed under the posts to score, and deny the Bears the losing bonus point.

Man of the match Ross McDonnell made sure that the exploits and name of Lochaber were broadcast far and wide, a service for which we can all be sure that Lochaber will be eternally grateful.

If there was anything fishy going on, then we can all be glad that magically all the ruffled feathers disappeared into the darkness of a Paisley night.”

OK, hardly an unbiased report, but, please note – only 14 Bears travelled – for LEAGUE game. Getting the game played was more-important than having the required number of replacements, with the necessary front row skills. At that level, it's all about getting the game played – travelling over 100 miles, losing, then returning home having enjoyed your day.

That is what CLUB rugby is all about, and if Agenda-3 and “fewer but stronger” means fewer games at this level, fewer away days like that for Bears from Birkmyre, less fun, then Scottish Rugby will be the biggest loser.

MY OLD MATE Stephen Jones – scourge of the “Fans with lap tops” in the New Zealand media had a wee rant in yesterday's Sunday Times. “Jones the Englishman” was making a valid point about the ever-expanding international programme.

 Stephen Jones

I don't fully agree with Stephen, who, since he is paid by Uncle Rupert has a vested interest in talking-up the club game, particularly the Heineken Cup, as a rival to full-scale international rugby.

It is a difficult balancing act, between keeping alive the mystique of full-scale international rugby, and the bread and butter, even with added jam, of the club game.

Certainly, while I reckon they are not exactly operating at the top of their game when it comes to running things here, it is hard to argue with the SRU's methodology – the Scotland team is the only one up here capable of generating media attention and real money.

Rugby has a money problem just now, how we settle matters could be difficult.