Poor Wee Heriot's - Aye Right!!

I HAVE a (grudging) admiration for weel-kent Scottis hack Neil Drysdale. Neil lives up there in Aberdeen, seldom - if ever - actually attends a rugby match, yet manages to pen a weekly column on the game.

In his latest offering, he comes out with some sympathy for Phil Smith, the Heriot's coach, who has been having a moan about the delays to the BT Premiership Play-Off semi-finals and final.

OK, any other season, Smith and Heriot's would, by now, be celebrating having won the Premiership, by a huge margin, and, nobody would have anything to say about it. However, the goalposts were moved before this season got underway and, while the Goldenacre Gang have proved themselves best over the regular season, that doesn't amount to Big Duke's "hill of beans", because, the title will go to the team which emerges unbeaten from the play-offs.

(Maybe, if play-offs are going to be a regular feature, the SRU should award a pennant or something, to the team topping the table at the end of the regular season).

Smith is complaining about the way "player dispensation" was used by some clubs, to have the final league games and the play-offs put back.

A wee bird told me, the reason for so-many dispensations and call-offs was quite simple - the other clubs have ganged-up on Heriot's, to get back at Smith for his petty and childish citing of Ayr's Ross Curle in the recent league game between the sides.

Had Ayr's league game with Melrose not been put-back, Curle would have missed the play-offs, now, he will be available to the Millbrae club, and, should the final come down to a clash between Ayr and Heriot's, my money is on "Rosco" producing a stand-out Man of the Match performance.

Mind you, I reckon Currie has impetus and just might beat Heriot's on Saturday. Ayr v Melrose, that's just too-close to call and it could go either way.

IF Mike Blair is joining Glasgow Warriors as a player - nope, bad move. If, however, he has been recruited as a player-coach, terrific move.  Glasgow has Henry Pyrgos and Grayson Hart - both of whom are Scotland squad players, they also have Ali Price and Murray McConnell, two very-promising young nines.

Blair's experience will be great for all four to tap into, while, he will surely be able to do a job for Warriors during the World Cup and the 2016 Six Nations. He can also, if necessary, do a job at ten.

I HAVE seen a lot of comment of late about the way the 15-a-side season seems to peter-out these days. Regular play after New Year has become a thing of the past for our top club sides.

OK, they still love their "sports" down there in the Borders, but, elsewhere, sevens lang syne lost its lustre.

The Border League continues, with the local clubs playing league games midweek, so, why not instigating a West District League and an Edinburgh District One, for the benefit of their top clubs, who are not playing regularly. If not another league, why not District Cup competitions, with a limit on the number of professional players who can turn out. 

We need to offer the ambitious national level clubs more opportunities to play, it is as simple as that.

Another avenue we should be going down is to commit to competing in the British & Irish Cup EVERY season. OK, thus far, we have not got the details correct, but, this is a cracking competition which our top club sides deserve to be participating in. Not playing this season was yet another error by the guys at Murrayfield who have seemingly forgotten that the amateur (or semi-professional) game is the real heart beat of Scottish rugby.

I used the word semi-professional there - aye, that's another can or worms which should be opened. More later. 

A Week Can Be A Long Time In Rugby As Well as Politics

THIS time last week, we were, truly, cringing Scots. The manner in which a promising Six Nations campaign had, if not quite crashed and burned, fallen apart at the seams, had been worse than discouraging and disappointing.

 

That was last Sunday. This morning, green shoots of recovery are showing. OK, Glasgow didn't beat Leinster at the RDS, but, they, in my humble opinion, took more out of the game than did the "Dubs". Glasgow left at least a couple of tries out there, but, after blowing a 20-point half-time lead, they battled back and thoroughly deserved to get a draw in a very difficult place to visit.

 

Then the slow transformation of Edinburgh under Alan Solomons continued with a terrific win at Llanelli - a marvellous result.

 

We are not yet a top nation, but, our two pro sides have shown, things are maybe not as dark as we thought they were.

 

 

 

YESTERDAY afternoon, I enjoyed watching a marvellous match, at Malleny Park, between Currie and Glasgow Hawks. This was no meaningless end-of-season fixture, one that had to be got out of the way for the neat winding-up of the 2014-15 BT Premiership.

 

This match was important for both sides; Currie HAD to win, to overtake Hawick and Gala into the fourth play-off place, while, Hawks, although they didn't absolutely HAVE to win, wanted badly to secure third-bottom spot and escape the end-of-season promotion and relegation play-off.

 

At the end of a game which demonstrated, yet again, that the Premiership is a better league and far-more competitive than some people think  it is, Currie had triumphed, in the most-unbelievable manner.

 

They now go forward to Goldenacre, to face runaway regular season league winners Heriot's, while Hawks have to regroup for a crucial, winner stays up meeting with Stirling County, at Old Anniesland, on Saturday.

 

While all this drama was unfolding at Currie, down the road at the Greenyards, there was another crucial game, with Ayr needing to go there and win, to force 'Rose to travel to Millbrae on Saturday, for the other play-off semi-final.

 

This was: "A game of two halves", Ayr going out to a 14-3 lead, before 'Rose hit back in the second half, to leave Ayr holding-on for a single point win and home advantage in the semi-final.

 

 

 

SATURDAY'S two matches demonstrated the wisdom of incorporating play-offs into the BT Premiership. In any previous season, the match at Currie would have been largely irrelevant to Currie. Of course, they would have wanted to win it and finish fourth, while Hawks would still have wanted to win to clarify the play-off position at the foot.

 

The dynamic would have been different - the game would have lacked the edge which it had, and which made it so much more-enjoyable.

 

The upper echelons of the "amateur" game is one area which has caused the Murrayfied Mandarins problems ever since the game went professional. Scotland still has not properly sorted-out the difference between the players, to whom rugby is a job, and those to who it remains a hobby, albeit in some cases a paying hobby.

 

The play-offs is a start towards getting it right, but, we still have some way to go to get it right. 

 

The Craic Was Good In Edinburgh, In 2015

BELIEVE it or not, but, we journalists are human. In my own particular field of sports journalism, we are also, basically fans. You will never find a pressed man inhabiting a press box - we are all there because we want to be.

Of course, once we are there, we exhibit varying degrees of  affection for our subject matter, a writer from a football background will never have the same depth of feeling for a rugby match, as he has for one involving the round ball; but, that said - we are all sports fans first, chroniclers second.

As such, we each have our wee foibles; we have favourites. That is why, I enjoyed a wee quiet chuckle to myself at Murrayfield yesterday afternoon.

A clearly shell-shocked Vern Cotter, who had just, finally, realised the enormity of the task he had taken-on when he agreed to coach Scotland, was trying to impart his wisdom to the Monday morning writers, around the dais in the press marquee. Further up the room, the rest of us were watching the opening salvoes in the England v France game at Twickenham.

And, when France score their magnificent length of the field tri.

es, well, we were where you would expect a group of Irish and Scottish rugby fans to be - on our feet, cheering and hollering: "Allez les Bleus".

Of course, in the end, the Common Enemy won, and won well - but, crucially, they couldn't win by a big-enough margin to deny the Irish a second straight Six Nations crown.

Suited and booted, therefore, big Paul O'Connell led his tired troops back onto the now darkened Murrayfield pitch, to receive the Six Nations Trophy - or, at least, a replica thereof - the real trophy was being smuggled out of Twickenham: not needed on voyage, as it were.

Of course, I am an unashamed, unrepentant Anyone But England believer. Well not quite, when it comes to rugby, it is Anyone But England, or Wales, so, I really didn't mind losing to Ireland and enjoyed seeing them crowned champions.

As I said at the start of this post, I am a sports fan; indeed, I am a Scottish fan. I wanted, oh how I wanted, to be writing about an unexpected triumph, how we finally got it right at the tail end of this hugely-disappointing Six Nations.

But, on the day, it was men against boys and the men of Munster, Leinster, Connacht and Ulster won, deservedly so. You know, defeat doesn't feel so-bad, when you lose to the Paddies.

I had to leave Murrayfield for home in the West, but, I am sure the craic in Auld Reekie last night was monumental.

WHERE, however, does defeat leave Scotland? Well, we are in a dark place, but, there are shafts of light permeating the gloom. The truth is, we simply do not have the depth of squad necessary to mount an assault on the uplands of the Six Nations, far-less the Rugby World Cup, which is now rapidly approaching.

We have six good, but not great, international props, two of whom are currently injured and already, touch-and-go for the World Cup. We have two good hookers - one of whom is out of favour with Murrayfield, for reasons which we of the press corps are not allowed to know, and are in any case, much too polite to ask about.

We have a couple of outstanding locks in the Gray brothers, one other good lock in the currently injured Grant Gilchrist, a really promising but basically untried one in Ben Toolis, and Jim Hamilton, the long-standing pantomime villain of world rugby.

We have some good, but not outstanding back rowers, but, again, Murrayfield machinations have cost BVC the use of three battle-hardened, experienced and skilled practitioners of the dark arts of back-row play, Kelly Brown, Ally Hogg and John Barclay, while another guy who puts in a great shift for his club, week-in, week-out - Edinburgh's Roddy Grant, is similarly not flavour of the month at Murrayfield.

Sure, Glasgow's hugely-important South African import, Josh Strauss, will be Scotland-qualified by the time the World Cup kicks-off, but, there will be few opportunities to integrate him into the squad.

At half-back we have Greig Laidlaw, who probably needs a break, he has wilted under the pressure of leading our inept Six Nations challenge. In any case, his continued selection ahead of Chris Cusiter is another example of me being unable to work-out what Murrayfield is playing at.

Sam Hidalgo-Clyne has seized his chance well as back-up, however.

At ten, Finn Russell has been, well, Finn Russell. When he is good, he is very good, when he is ordinary, well, he looks like what he is - a work n progress.

We have depth at half-back, but, the injuries to Henry Pyrgos, Dunky Weir and Ruaridh Jackson have hampered us, while, moving to Edinburgh was, quite clearly, the wrong move for Tom Heathcote, a player who, at another club, could have offered an option to Russell, while we must never forget, Peter Horne is only third choice at his club.

In the centre, we must offer daily prayers for the continued good health of Mark Bennett. With Alex Dunbar struggling with injury and Matt Scott still looking to rediscover last season's form, we really are at rock bottom when it comes to filling the 12 and 13 jerseys. Alternatives to these three, see I none.

I suppose, we could always play Stuart Hogg there and draft-in either Greig Tonks, Sean Maitland or Jack Cuthbert at 15, but, this would hardly be the ideal scenario.

The timing of Maitland's injury-induced absence was unfortunate, he came back at a time when there simply were not the club games to get him back up to international sharpness. He and Tommy Seymour will be our wingers; indeed, I would now say the other Glasgow wing, Lee Jones, would be a better bet than the two flawed Edinburgh wide men.

Dougie Fife is willing, but, clearly is not international class; while, for all his prowess as an out-and-out finisher at club level, I believe Tim Visser is the rugby team's equivalent of Kris Boyd: ok at club level, but, cannot cut it at the very top.

The success of the Under-20 team offers hope for the future, except, where and when will they get the chance to take the next step up? Sure, plenty of them are playing regularly in the Premiership, but, the precocious Zander Fagerson apart, I don't see any of them having even an outside chance of making the World Cup squad. And, in any case, where is the development programme and pattern likely to get them from where they are to the 2019 World Cup squad?

SO, what can we do between now and the start of the World Cup? Then, what should we do looking ahead to 2019?

Well, the first thing I would do, would be, pay-off Scott Johnson. He did nothing as National Coach, except take us two steps backwards. He has been in-post as Director of Rugby for almost a  year now. Apart from picking-up a good salary, and, ridiculously, strutting off the team bus, in a track suit for fuck sake, on match days, what has he done to take Scotland forward?

The game up here is still seemingly the personal plaything of a small group of Edinburgh and Borders clubs, whose own narrow interests take precedence over the wider interests of the game across Scotland.

You are still far-more likely to get onto the ladder leading to a cap, if you went to the correct Edinburgh school, than if you had sheer raw talent and lived in a Glasgow scheme.

About 15-years ago, I went through the St Mirren first team dressing room, on my way to see the then manager, as Barry Lavety was getting changed after training.

Now "Basher" didn't quite make it to the full Scotland team. To be brutally honest, he pissed his talent up against a few pub walls. But, having seen him in the raw as it were, I can tell you - there was potentially the best front row forward Scotland never had.

He had the physique, he had the football nous, but, he played the wrong game for that physique. I bet he wasn't the only unpolished diamond we missed-out on.

We will never have the numbers of other nations, so, we have to work smarter with the talent we have. This is something the SRU has never, certainly in the professional era, managed to do.

After 20 less-than-glorious years of professional rugby, maybe it is time Scotland wakened-up and started to get things right. I don't want to go through another Six Nations like this one which has just ended.

As one of my colleagues said to me late in the second-half on Saturday. "We are now being refereed as if we are a second-tier nation."

We have to act NOW, or, after the World Cup, we will be a second-tier nation.

Scottish players now rarely get invited onto Lions tours; we seldom have players invited to play for the Barbarians; our referees don't get to control the big games. It is time to halt the decline.



FINALLY - I don't want this to sound like a sexist rant against women's rugby, but, should the SRU continue to spend precious resources on the embarrassment that is the Scottish women's team, when that cash could be better spent on the men's game?

Clearly, if the men are barely able to hold-on at the top table, our girls are a long way from being able to sit there. It might, after today's humbling from the Irish girls, be time to withdraw from the Women's Six Nations and find a lower level at which the girls can compete. 

This Last-Chance Saloon Is Not Such A Bad Place

BACK, when it all started and we set off, for once looking confidently forward, for France, we put all the disappointments behind us, as the Tartan Army's rugby section took their cue from one of the England football team's World Cup anthems; we were going to get it right this time.

 

Four games on, we will convene at BT Murrayfield tomorrow, situation normal - more in hope than expectation of a Scottish win. But, that said, we are not as down-hearted as normal.

 

I would sum-up the first four-fifths of the 2015 Six Nations as so-near, yet so-far.

 

I don't think the team ever believed they could win in Paris.

 

We were refereed out of the Welsh game; with a competent whistler in charge and just three decisions changed, we would have won.

 

We beat ourselves against Italy.

 

Leading at half-time against England, I think maybe we were so-shocked we didn't start playing in the second-half, until the game was beyond us.

 

We have yet to put together more than one 20-minute spell of pressure in any game; if we can sort this failing out, I think we can get a result tomorrow.

 

Ireland are a good team, that is not in dispute, but, they are not that much better than us. Glasgow is as good as any of the four Irish sides in the Pro12; we are not facing supermen, we are facing guys who we believe we can beat at club level.

 

Let's take that belief into the international arena and go for it. We have nothing to fear but fear itself.

 

We can win tomorrow, and, if we do, then we will be in a better place for the World Cup later this year.

 

I am quite happy with the team. The only change I would make would have been to have had Cusiter rather than Laidlaw at nine. 

 

Come On Scotland.

Hopes Dashed Again At Twickenham - Ach! What's New

AS EVER, hope sprung eternal yesterday, and, as happens most times we embark for "Billy Williams' Cabbage Patch", these hopes were dashed on the rocks.

I think we got off lightly; had England been as good as some sections of the English press seems to think they are, and other sections think they should be, we would have been hammered. But, that said, I bet, at half-time, we had them worried.

Sadly, we didn't build on that excellent second quarter, during which, with a wee bit of luck, we might have scored another couple of tries and really given Stuart Lancaster some work to do during the break.

I could rail against Mr Poite's decision to only punish Dan Cole with a penalty for that stupid rush round that ruck on the English line. (As a former front-rower, I have long objected to our portrayal as a wee bit neanderthal, when we all know we are the intellectuals of rugby - Cole, in that instant, set our cause back badly).

Had Cole been yellow-carded, things might have been different. I also felt, again, we didn't get the breaks from the ref. I disagree with that final England penalty against Geoff Cross, but, the match was lost by then anyway.

No, we lost it because, once again, it was shown: we tend to make more errors under pressure, too-often our hands let us down,

We lost, because, our first-up defence wasn't good enough.

We lost, because, we didn't get enough of the sort of front-foot, go-forward ball our back division needs.

We lost, because, we lack the depth, the squad strength which England enjoys.

But, we can and will improve; this is, in international terms, a very young and inexperienced Scotland team.

I watched yesterday's game in an Ayr pub-restaurant, after a very-enjoyable, very boozy, lunch with a bunch of like-minded coffin dodgers. Therefore, I didn't have to endure the BBC Englandshire commentary.

Bliss, although, I have to admit - I do like Brian Moore. Like Jimmy Hill in football, he calls it as he sees it - yes, he's English and an England supporter, but, he does criticise them when he feels it is called for - unlike his erstwhile team-mate Jeremy Guscott, who, when England are playing, manages to make Jonathon Davies (watching Wales) seem non-partisan and myopic.

Moore might, just-about, have got over 1990, Guscott, I fear for him, never will.



WHILE most eyes were on Twickenham yesterday, up here, the BT Premiership rolled on. International calls, to the Under-20 game, meant one or two crucial games were called off, but, these will be settled over the next two Saturdays or so.

Glasgow Hawks will be very-much involved. On Saturday, they entrtain Stirling County at Old Anniesland, in what is pretty much, a one-off match to decide which club finishes second-bottom and goes into the promotion-relegation play-off.

County have a two-point advantage, but, a Hawks will will lift them above the Stirling team to safety. A County win, with a bonus point, guarantees them safety and will leave Hawks in second-bottom spot.

Hawks also have still to go to Currie, a match which has a bearing on the Championship Play-Offs, since, if Currie win, they will climb above Hawick and Gala into the fourth and final spot in the Play-Off semi-finals.

Also, depending on how Saturday's game at Old Anniesland finishes, Hawks may find, they need to win at Malleny Park to guarantee they avoid the play-offs; all of which means, there is still a lot to play for.

And, I still haven't mentioned the Melrose v Ayr match at the Greenyards on Saturday, which will sort-out which of these two clubs finishes second and bags a home semi-final in the Play-Offs.

  

No Selection Shocks - But We Still Have A Mountain To Climb

NO SURPRISES then in the XV which BVC has named for Saturday's trip to Twickenham. The coach has not panicked after the failure against Italy, but, the one or two who have survived with their jaikets oan a shoogly nail, will know - big performances are expected.

The loss of Alex Dunbar to that training-induced cruciate injury was a blow, but, at least we had an in-form Matt Scott ready to come in. Dougie Fife, dropped after his wee bit of petulance in Paris will know, he owes Scotland big time and his greater match sharpness probably won him the 14 jersey ahead of Sean Maitland, once Sean Lamont was crocked.

The return of Finn Russell to the 10 shirt was a given, while Jim Hamilton and Dave Denton were always odds-on to come into the pack. Nothing against Tim Swinson, who is as honest as the day is long, but, I would love to have seen Ben Toulis getting another run off the bench in the final quarter. Like a lot of Aussie-raised locks, he offers athleticism at the touch lines which isn't often seen from Scots-born and bred locks.

I remain convinced, Chris Cusiter is our best scrum-half, but, perhaps BVC is loath to drop his captain, although, Chris could do that job too. SHC is, of-course, the future, and as such, he will be cover for the skipper.

England will, of course, start as overwhelming favourites, but, they are not as-good as their media cheer leaders think them to be; we are overdue a wee spot of luck on Billy Williams's Cabbage Patch - let's hope we get it this year.

I wish I was confident enough to risk a wee wager on Scotland, the odds on offer are terrific!!

 

England Are Favourites - But, A Home Win Is Not Guaranteed

I RECEIVED a plaintive electronic missive this week, from an old class-mate, who went south some 40-years ago and prospered, greatly. He now resides, in some style in a village in Sussex, where his fellow inhabitants include that English National Treasure, Dame Vera Lynn.

This scion of the Sudetenland Missionary Service is not looking forward to this week-end, he fancies he will be subjected to the usual triumphalist mockery of his Sassenach friends, after England humble us at Twickenham.

I keep cautioning him - he really must stop reading the English newspapers, staffed as they now are by supposed journalists who lack the self-awareness or scope which should make them shoo-ins for the supposedly mythical Lap Top Loyal.

Just as the LTL have spend over a century boosting Rangers, apologising for the many indiscretions of their following, thinking-up excuses for their defeats and roasting referees whom they allege to have conspired against them - so to some large sections of the English media, when it comes to their football and rugby teams.

They used to also do this in respect of their cricket team, however, now the English cricket team has showed itself to be only slightly better than the Scottish one, albeit with a much-larger budget, the cricket writers have given-up on being fans with lap-tops and more-and-more are turning into clones of T' Greatest Living Yorkshireman, aka "Sir" Geoffrey Boycott.

Given:

The disparity in playing resources between England and Scotland;

The own goals which our Director of Rugby and Head Coach are scoring by their refusal to select some of our best players;

The fact England's "injury crisis" is lessening and they have some first picks available again, while we have a few of these still on the treatment table;

The fact England has home advantage;

Our miserable "course and distance" record at Twickenham - 

England should beat us on Saturday.

However:

We wuz robbed blind in losing to Wales;

We beat ourselves against Italy;

We HAVE to win again at Twickenham some day;

We are not as bad as the English think we are;

They are not as good as they keep being told they are.

I think we have a chance of upsetting things.

I have a theory concerning England v Scotland matches in any team sport. This is:

IF every one of our players hits top form and maybe two or three of theirs don't perform - we can win.

IF they come into the game over-confident and we perform to our best - we can win.

IF we get the breaks from the referee - we can win.

Regardless of the above three caveats - we have to BELIEVE we can win and have players who can persuade their team-mates to believe. If we can do this on Saturday, maybe my mate in the Sudetenland will be insufferable down the village pub on Saturday night.

He was complaining: he has been called-in for a face-to-face with HMRC, his roof is leaking and his old dog is on its last legs. He needs the boost an against-the-odds Scotland win on Saturday would provide.

A WEE observation. Allan Massie's Saturday column in The Scotsman is required reading. He is no Bill McLaren, but, he writes more intelligently about rugby than some full-time rugby writers I could name.

However, his Sunday column in the Mail on Sunday was just about the biggest load of shite I have read in a while. He should stick to historical fiction and rugby opinion, politically, he's a joke.

:The Green Machine Is Back

IT USED to be said: "A strong Hawick means a strong Scotland". That of course was back in the good old amateur days, when real men would come off the hill or out of the woolen mills, pull on the jaggy green jersey and go forth to beat-up the world. Still, Stuart Hogg, the Young Lochinvar of the Scottish back division is a "Terri", so, even in these professional days, Hawick is doing its bit for Scotland.

I was therefore delighted when the Green Machine rolled over holders Heriot's on Saturday, to reach Hawick's first BT Scottish Cup Final since 2002. Even, back in the dark days of the early season, when Hawick seemingly struggled to win an advantage from referees, there was a ground-swell of hope elsewhere (other of course than in Galashiels and Melrose) that the Greens would come good.

I was delighted for Nikki Walker, their young player-coach, that they beat Heriot's, and, I really fancy their chances of winning the big match against Boroughmuir on 18 April. Just one thing SRU - can you please, this year, place the Ramshorn Band somewhere other than bang in front of the press box!!

OF COURSE, Hawick's win over Heriot's wasn't THE result of the day on Saturday. That was Cumnock's victory over Ross High in the BT Bowl semi-final at Broomfield.

Ross took over 100 fans from Edinburgh to Ayrshire for the day, Cumnock had the huge backing of over 200 locals and duly won well. Now, this is a worry for the SRU.

Thirty-years ago, when I was covering a Scotland overseas tour, a Herioter, I think he was a junior advocate, suggested to another of the press corps that: "That new chap (me), he's a wee bit rough and ready is he not".

He was told: "Listen, you might find him rough and ready, but, he's the only member of Cumnock Rugby Club who can he let-out unsupervised".

Any way, a few weeks later, at the pre-season Kilmarnock Sevens, our Herioter, playing for the Co-optimists, got up close and personal with some Cumnock members, down at Killie for the day and giving it their usual yahoo on the touchlines.

He later cornered me in the committee room and apologised: "I now understand, you may be rough and ready, but, you really are the only Cumnock member who can be let-out unsupervised".

SRU be warned - we are coming to BT Murrayfield on 18 April, and we will take no prisoners.



I WAS going to end this post with the above paragraph. But, that was before the latest SRU Scotland team press release thudded into my inbox; this tells me, Sean Maitland and Stuart McInally have been added to the national squad, Lion Maitland as cover for the injured Sean Lamont, and McInally as back-up, should Ross Ford fail to recover from the back spasm he had against the Italians.

Maitland for Lamont, no worries, that strengthens the squad, but, and I mean no disrespect to McInally here - what the fuck is Cotter doing?

A fully-fit, firing-on-all-cylinders Ross Ford is our best hooker, no problems. The big man from Kelso has put his problems of last season behind him and is now a key man for us. However, received wisdom around the Scottish rugby press corps is that the next-best hooker is Glasgow's Par McArthur.

However, for some unknown reason, Pat appears to have seriously upset somebody at HQ, perhaps our esteemed and now thankfully anonymous Director of Rugby, maybe that useless Welsh pillock of an assistant coach, Mr Humphries, who should be freed to go and cause havoc in Wales.

Any way, Pat's in good company out there in the cold, on the naughty step; along with John Barclay, Kelly Brown and Ally Hogg, probably a better back row than the one we'll put-out at Twickenham on Saturday. 

Disaster For Scotland - Yet Again

WHAT can I say: in 40-years-plus of chronicling - “Disaster for Scotland”, I do not recall feeling as low as I do after yesterday's latest DfS. Really, we should all have left Murrayfield yesterday chanting that great (football) Tartan Army hit of the 1996 European finals: “We're Shite, But We Know We Are”.

If yesterday's match was bad on TV, it was ten-times worse, live. My mate Hugh “Big Shug” Macdonald, Chief Sports Writer of the Herald is very much a football man, but, Shug agreed with me at half-time – we were going to lose; the signs were already there.

Twenty-two seconds in, we get and convert a penalty. Then, showing the raw native pace you only acquire through being a Catholic in Cumnock, Mark Bennett sprints clear; (a Cumnock RFC discovery, scoring for Scotland – who'd have thunked it). We are 10-0 up, this is easy.

Then, the rot set-in. Italy's re-start was clearly going into touch, but, with the wisdom? Acquired in 92 previous tests, instead of putting one foot in touch before he even caught the ball, Sean Lamont decides to catch it, then carry it into touch, to give the Italians an attacking line-out inside our 22. Talk about mince for brains.

Our maul defence is non-existant, 10-5.

We then get a penalty, 13-5, but, AGAIN, from the re-start, we fuck-up. To knock-on the restart kick was dumb, for Blair Cowan, clearly offside, to then catch the ball, was even dumber, once again, within seconds of scoring, we let the Italians back into the game.

Really, from about 20 minutes in, we did nothing. It was like watching a bad Arsenal team, playing lots of pretty football, right in front of the opposition and too-far from goal. Sure, Dunbar, Bennett and Hogg made some terrifi runs from broken play, but, our back-row were nowhere and we never got momentum from the breakdown.

To be fair to Harley, he was due a less-than-stellar game; Cowan is not a natural number seven, but with one exception to which I will return later, Beattie was anonymous.

The second Italian try was a nonsense. The original penalty was given against Al Dickinson for: “Coming underneath” his opposite prop (I was listening on Ref radio”. FFS, that's what loose-heads are supposed to do, get under the tight-head and apply upward pressure.

OK, it was a marginal call, and while Clancy has a long and dishonourable history of making marginal calls against Scotland, this was by no means his worst.

The Italian penalty comes back off a post and we make an absolute pig's ear of not defending it. Basic stuff, simply not done properly and, instead of going in leading 16-8, suddenly, we're in a one-point game at half-time.

The third quarter was a non-event. Hardly anything happened.

We took Beattie off after 51 minutes. No real argument, he had been anonymous .

However, whereas, with Beattie at eight, we had at least held our own in the scrums, indeed, I felt we were marginally on top there, after he went off, we were distinctly second-best at the scrums. I don't think Cowan was putting as much oomph down the spine of the scrum as Beattie had been. Mind you, we did destroy them at one scrum, kicked a penalty to their 22, but did nothing with the possession, other than for Lamont to put Hogg through with an obvious forward pass – another example of a very-experienced player unable to do the basics under pressure.

There was a spell, about seven minutes or so before he was eventually hooked, when Scotland were huffing and puffing inside the Italian 22 on the far side of the field, and Euan Murray was playing on the left wing, in front of the main stand. Why the Hell was a tight-head allowed to loiter out there when an arm wrestle was in progress on the other side of the park?

Murray went off in 75 minutes. Geoff Cross's first scrum was the one at which we won that relieving penalty which Horne messed-up. The rest was history.

I thought Horne did ok for a fourth-choice ten. Probably he played too-deep, but, he was only keeping the jersey warm for Russell.

It seemed clear to me that, at the second-last line-out, Italy would go to Paressi to set-up the maul. Toolis is a terrific stealer of line-out ball; I'd have had him stationed one place ahead of Paressi, with instructions to compete in the air. This didn't happen, he was pinged for hauling-down the maul. They took a second line-out, we conceded the penalty try. DISASTER.

I fear what might happen at Twickenham. This was not good.

I fear, even more, however, what is in store for our players between now and then. From his body language at the post-match press conference, Mr Cotter was not a happy bunny. One or two players, I feel, played their last internationals yesterday.

That said, we Scots have a long and ignoble history, going back to some of the Anglo-Scottish battles under the Stuart kings, of snatching disaster from the jaws of victory – in the lengthy litany of such defeats, yesterdays' barely rates a foot note.

Still, it wasn't the worst Scottish defeat of the week. How could we have lost to that English cricket team?

Finally, a long-standing friend from football reporting was in the press box yesterday. You may have heard of the legendary, some say mythical “Lap-Top Loyal”, a ludge of Rangers-supporting football writers, Aye Ready to spin a pro-Rangers line to any controversy.

This mate is probably the Right Worthy Master of the LTL. Leaving the ground he said,with feeling: “I came here today to get away from the misery of covering Rangers – that performance and result didn't help”.