Honest - Some Thought Does Go Into Producing This Blog

STEVE WOLSTENCROFT, aka “The Mad Geordie,” is a legend in Scottish journalism, from his many years as Sports Editor of The Scottish Sun. There are stories told of Steve, having got off the presses the first and second editions of a midweek paper, recounting an embarrassing defeat for one or other of the Bigot Brothers, turning to his subbing team and saying: “OK Bonnie Lads, whaw are we gonna fuck tonight?”

From the resulting brain-storming came such memorable headlines as: “Super Cally Go Ballistic, Celtic Are Atrocious,” or “Swedes 2 Turnips 0.”

Well believe it or not, the same sort of out of the box creative thinking and gold-plated production values go into Aristotle Armstrong. Contrary to the belief within the power corridors of BT Murrayfield, I do not blindfold myself, then stick a pin in a series of pictures of SRU executives, prior to sitting down at my keyboard. No, research is carried-out, learned tomes are consulted, some thought goes into this blog.

This lengthy gestation process took me yesterday into an alien world, that of the website RugbyReferee.net, and their Advantage Over podcast. This involved a lengthy interview with Cody Neilson, the main man with the Auckland Rugby Referees Association, who outlined the Associate Referees programme which Auckland, and to be fair some other New Zealand referees associations operate, to ensure there are sufficiently-qualified match officials to manage the many junior games which take place there.

It was interesting stuff, and, given the cut-backs which are being threatened on refereeing costs here, this is perhaps a scheme we could see introduced in Scotland. Who knows, as has happened in Auckland, we could see someone starting from this low entry point progressing through the ranks to become a top match official.

I would like to think the SRU was aware of this scheme and how it operates.

ONE OF my pet hates regarding the way the SRU manages our two full-time professional rugby teams is the way the High Heid Yins inside the SRU High Performance Department and the management teams at Edinburgh and Glasgow Warriors seem intent on aping the recruitment policies of The Bigot Brothers, as those of us who are neither “Orange” or “Plastic Paddies” but who have an interest in Scottish football refer to a couple of Glasgow-based clubs.

Like the High Heid Yins, in the South-West and East End of Glasgow, the guys making the recruitment decisions in EH12 Edinburgh, and in Scotstoun seem not to trust young Scottish talent, but to prefer to recruit from overseas.

Just in the past week we have seen a South African scrum-half and a Fijian hooker, neither of whom is even a household name in their own household, added to the wage bill for professional players which is ultimately met by Murrayfield.

OK, these are specialist positions, but, I still feel, Scots, particularly young Scots, in these positions have not been given a fair crack of the whip with the two SRU clubs.

Take one position, hooker for Glasgow. In the past ten seasons, Glasgow has employed 15 men to wear either the numbers 2 or 16 jerseys:

• Three players, Dougie Hall, Pat McArthur and Fraser Brown have clocked-up 100 or more appearances
  
  
• Two have been experienced overseas internationals – former All Black Corey Flynn and Georgian Shalva Mamukashvili (who was a short-term injury cover signing). Flynn played 15 games, the Georgian 6.
  
  
• The other ten players: Fergus Thomson, Fin Gillies, Kevin Bryce, James Malcolm, Fergus Scott, Cammy Fenton, George Turner, Grant Stewart, Robbie Smith and Neil Rodger were Scottish.
  
  
• Gillies, Bryce, Malcolm Scott, Fenton, Stewart, Smith and Rodger were products of the SRU Academy.
  
  

Of the ten Scots, Thomson was winding down his career right at the start of the last decade – he had already won eight Scotland caps. Bryce is a special case, having been tried right across the front row positions. Turner has gone on to be capped, Stewart is in the current World Cup training squad, while Fenton is now with Edinburgh.

But Gillies, Malcolm, Scott (whose Glasgow career was blighted by injury), Smith and Rodger all failed to make the grade. Gillies and Malcolm each played in over 20 games, Rodger never got on the park for Warriors, while Smith joined Bedford during the current close season, having played a mere two minutes or so for Warriors.

I find it strange that Malcolm and Smith should be let go at the end of the season just finished, to be replaced by a Fijian – what does this say about the SRU's Academy system, and the opinion the hard-nosed professionals running the professional side has of the quality of the Academy graduates.

Glasgow currently has two international hookers, Brown and Turner, plus a still-uncapped Scotland squad member, Stewart, on their books. OK, it is possible that through the World Cup and injury, they could be missing all three for the duration of the World Cup, while the club's latest signing, Fijian Desulame Dolokoto is in his nation's World Cup squad – begging the question: who will be Warriors' hooker in the club games during the World Cup?

Edinburgh signed South African scrum-half Nic Groom last week, he's 29 so clearly is not going to a, get better, or b, be a “project player.” Sorry, I may be wrong, but, I honestly don't see him being any better than the released Sean Kennedy, who for my money has been badly treated by a succession of Edinburgh coaches.

There seems to be a culture within Murrayfield of not trusting young Scottish players, but rather to recruit from overseas. To my mind, places in Scottish Rugby other than the much-maligned Tennent's Premiership are “not fit for purpose.” Indeed, to coin a phrase, it seems to me there are an awful lot of “broken arrows” on the SRU payroll – they are there, but, you cannot fire them.

Super-Six is supposed to give young Scottish players a platform on which to impress, to show their fitness for a full-time professional contract. Maybes Aye, Maybes Naw, but, will the broken arrows even notice and then give them that chance?

The Not-SoSubtle Art Of News Management

STROLLING round the big Ayr Tesco on Wednesday afternoon, I chanced upon a half-decent offer in the book aisle. They were offering two paperbacks for £8, so, I purchased one of the few Wilbur Smith tomes I haven't read, plus Peter Crouch's excellent: 'How To Be A Footballer.' Had I bought them separately, in a book shop, they could have cost me £17.98, the saving, I squandered on beer – as you do.

Peter and Abbey Crouch - he's a good second row wasted, but his entertaining

book has some pertinent points which also apply to rugby

Crouch's tome is a joy, he is one English footballer whom I have always liked, and this book surely seals his status as: “A National Treasure,” he deserves this status, it is like no footballer's autobiography I have ever read before.

One of the subjects big Peter touches on is “news management,” and the way sports clubs today, mainly football clubs, go out of their way to try to manage news about their club. This, of course is a reaction to George Orwell's and also William Randolph Hearst's dictum: “News is something somebody does not want published – everything else is advertising.”

But, like shite – leaks happen, and football teams, rugby teams and indeed Rugby Unions, in an effort to prevent information they do not want filtering down into public consumption, increasingly attempt to manage what news emerges about their organisation. Of course, as with the SRU, when you employ a media department head who has only the faintest knowledge of how the media works, you immediately have problems.

But, this week, we have been subjected to a tsunami of “good news stories” from the SRU:

• Johnnie Walker revealed as new official Scotch Whisky of the SRU
• Tavish Scott revealed as the new Head of External Affairs at the SRU
• Doddie Weir visits Dundee to meet another Scottish legend – Oor Wullie
• Bill Gammell given huge pot of whitewash, and an apprentice painter
• The Welsh clubs who will face the Super-6 in the cross-border competition are named
• Ross Ford finally announces his retirement

The Oor Doddie meets Oor Wullie story was a great one, the Ross Ford one was interesting, as was the Welsh one, the other three were advertising, But, it's the timing that struck me, that's a lot of work for one week – it's almost as if the SRU was trying to divert our attention away from bad news – such as relegation out of the top-flight of nations who will compete in the next Under-20 World Cup.

ROSS FORD is, by any measure a great Scottish rugby player:

• Our most-capped player
• One of only three (at the moment) caps centurions
• A former Scotland captain
• One of only eight Scots to have seen test action with the British and Irish Lions in the professional era.

With that record, we should laud his achievements, be thankful for having had him in our teams, and we must certainly wish him well in his new career as a strength and conditioning specialist coach with the SRU Academy.

Ross Ford shows-off his impressive physique

Big Fordie's physique is impressive, when you are watching him from the sidelines, it is, believe me, even more impressive when you are sitting down with him in an interview situation – aye, he's a big laddie.

If he can inspire his students within the Academy to emulate the physique he sculpted for himself, he will have earned his corn. Mind you, I am telt, S&C conditioning coaching is easy.

Thirty years ago, we had a six foot eight inch centre in our local basketball club who, well let's just say, he made Peter Crouch look well-fed and muscular. We also had a six foot eight American centre, who was built like a large brick shit-house.

The Yank, who came from the backwoods of Montana confessed, he had once been skin and bone, until taken in-hand by the S&C coach at his college; so, I contacted this guru Stateside. He told me: “You can put muscle bulk on anyone, it's simple – all you do is have them eat and work-out in blocks. The trick, however, is to make sure they are eating the right stuff, and doing the correct weights.”

Clearly, Fordie ate the right stuff and did the correct weights – if he can pass that one, we should have some seriously-impressive muscle at our disposal very soon. Now, all we need is the right coaches teaching skills, and students prepared to apply themselves properly. There's always a catch with Scotsmen.

ARISTOTLE'S antenna has picked-up some mutterings among the G&T quaffing ranks of Scottish Rugby's “Great and Good.” I hear our esteemed Chairman of the Board has apparently discovered where Scott Johnson parked his Cloak of Invisibility when he departed home to Convictland.

The Lesser-Spotted Chairman Grassie

Mr Grassie has been posted missing during all the furore over governance reviews and so-forth. It is fair to say, leadership has been somewhat lacking from the Chairman of late, it is apparently, nice and warm inside TCD's back pocket.

I also hear, the late-lamented “Lance Corporal Jones,” is not entirely happy with the way things have gone since he vacated the Presidency; what with the Executive seeming to be continuing its policy of being outwith the control of the elected officials. Well, Jonesie – you started it, by reneging on your solemn vow to: “Stand-up for the clubs.”

I did hear, however, that when TCD and The Junta told the Council about Bill Gammell's audition for a remake of the sit-com: 'Brush Strokes,' at least a couple of the clubs' representatives spoke up, but, their calls to: “Haud-oan a meenit big man,” were not backed-up by the others – it seems, agreeing with everything TCD says will be a hard habit to break.

I also hear, during the negotiations around dates for the cross-border games between the top six Welsh Premiership clubs and our own Super-6, there was a stunned: “What the fuck boyo,” from the Welsh side, when they were told, the date of Melrose Sevens was sacrosanct, and cross-border games could most-definitely not be held that day.

Apparently, no such veto exists around Super Saturday, funny that.

AND FINALLY, I accept, Chief Elf Buddy Horler and some other elves within The Junta would rather I took myself off to fire arrows at the rulers of another sport, and that it will be a hot day in Cumnock before I get any co-operation from inside Murrayfield. That's life, but, they will not deter me.

However, I hear the Sports Editor of one of Scotland's main daily newspapers is having difficulty getting onto the SRU's list of accredited journalists. He is “Rugby friendly,” is a good operator and, while his paper, like the rest of the print media in Scotland, is not the organ it once was, it continues to have an ageing but dedicated rugby audience.

If he is having problems with Murrayfield, what does that say about The Junta?

Does The Junta Need Another HIghly-Paid Gopher?

FIRST MINISTER'S QUESTIONS is one of the hidden delights of 21^st century Scotland.

Most Thursdays, at Noon, Nicola Sturgeon gets to demonstrate the inadequacies of the Unionist opposition at Holyrood. Colonel Ruth Yadaftie, leader of the Ruth Davidson is (honestly) not a nasty Tory, but a cuddly wee thing what loves Scotland, so long as it lets England make the big decisions Party, comes across as all serious and caring, before Nicola bats her into the long grass.

Then Richard Leonard, the Edinburgh representative of London Labour, stands-up, puts on a grave, concerned voice, and bores everyone to tears with a question, which is usually about a reserved matter – i.e., some subject which is handled by Westminster rather than Edinburgh.

But, the high spot of FMQs comes when Wee Willie Rennie gets to his feet. Willie's job is to be Court Jester, to give everyone a laugh, with a question so-ludicrous, even his Liberal-Demmocrat colleagues turn their heads away in embarrassment, trying to imply: “He's no wey us, we dinnae ken whaw he is, or whaur he came frae.”

Tavish Scott

So, I suppose having to sit beside the former clippie on the 47 Kelty bus has finally proved too much for Tavish Scott, who is handing-in his MSP's cloak of privilege, resigning his seat and going off to join the SRU as Head of External Affairs.

Twenty years as an MSP, three years as Leader of his party, two years as Minister for Transport, not even an MMBE to show for his trouble – and he is leaving to join the SRU as one of MH33's “gophers” - how are the mighty fallen. At least, as someone who describes himself as a farmer-politician, he should be able to handle our COO.

As an MSP, representing the most far-flung constituency, the bold Tavish has been able, at our expense (which I for one do not begrudge him), to augment his near £62,000 pa MSP's salary, with the £11,500 pa Edinburgh Living Allowance – for a package worth (in round figures) £73,500 pa.

We have to assume,he will not be taking, if any, too-big a cut in his income to join a public limited company such as SRU. PLC. Now, I honestly don't know how much he will be paid, but, as I said, I don't see him taking a pay cut, and, I hope to Hell he isn't getting the £100,000 pa at least one prominent clubman with whom I discussed Tavish's new job reckoned he might be getting.

The terms of reference, such as they were, announced by the SRU, indicated in his new role, he would be working under the bold MH33. For fuck sake, upwards of £70,000 a year, far less £100,000 still makes him one of the highest-paid gophers in Scotland.

Appointing Scott also beggars the question – Do we really need a Head of External Affairs? OK, as I never tire of pointing out, Buddy Horler, the Head of Media, has shown himself to be less useful than a chocolate fireguard, so perhaps they do need somebody to project a positive image for the ruling Junta, but, perhaps the SRU should have employed a PR and communications guru with a bit more experience in the field than Scott's two year stint as Press Officer for the ~Scottish Liberal Democrats – more than a quarter of a century ago.

I appreciate, they do have the remnants of The Lesser-Spotted Johnson's salary to play around with, but, on the basis of Ian McLauchlan's dictum: “We need rugby people running the rugby side of things,” and with emotions still raw from the clusterfuck that was the Under-20 World Cup campaign – maybe a new and competent Director of Rugby was a more-pressing need than a Head of External Affairs.

OK, the big three of Gregor Townsend, Richard Cockerill and Dave Rennie and their teams are doing ok, but, below them? I feel we definitely have more need of someone with the power and knowledge to sort-out the lower tiers; a Director of Rugby, invested with the powers to come up with a route map towards taking Scotland to where it wants to be - before we need a Head of External Affairs.

Tavish Scott does not come with a great record as a leader. OK, he maybe did a good job as leader of his squad when Guizer Jarl of Up Helly Aa, but, he will be nowhere near inclusion in any list of Great Holyrood Parliamentarians.

We hear he is a rugby enthusiast, well done on that, but, the only references to rugby I could find in a trawl through his online history is a couple of mentions of being a guest of BT Openreach at a couple of Murrayfield internaitonals in 2018 – which presences were valued at £1350 in the “Members' register of interests and hospitality.”

No, to me, this stinks of yet another example of “Empire Building.” This is where paid executives get to think themselves so-important, and definitely far-more important than the unpaid, elected officials, who represent the clubs.

TCD, MH33 and the junta appear to think they are so important, they need their entourage of assistants, deputies and gophers to under-pin their importance. Can the SRU afford all these suits? Ah ahe ma doots, and I certainly can see no justification or need for this latest appointment.

I accept, in terms of the support they give to the member clubs, the SRU are probably one of the better Scottish governing bodies, but, there are still clubs out there struggling to keep going, who need more help than they are getting.

It might only be a drop in the ocean, but, the £70,000 upwards which it will cost to have Tavish Scott making MH33 feel important, could be better spent helping some wee Scottish club get more kids playing rugby.

And, it will be just one more grievance for the Junta to face come the AGM. Or am Ah wrang? To close on an old punchline.

I will not hae a hauf of Walker's, but good luck to the SRU

I HAVE not allowed a drop of Johnnie Walker to pass my lips since the day Diageo pulled the brand out of Kilmarnock, and I never will drink it again. However, that said, well done to Dominic McKay, or MH33 as he is referred-to in this blog, getting JW onboard as “Official Whisky Partner” is a good bit of business.

But, does this mean The Famous Grouse, a better blend in my view, is off the menu at BT Murrayfield? The thing is, Walker's best-known recent sponsorship has been with The Ryder Cup, they have tended to do “flagship” international sponsorships. I doubt very much if the SRU is getting that kind of money for this deal, but, to get such an international Scottish brand on-board is good business.

A WEE bird tells me the good men and women of the SRU Council are not best pleased at the way the announcement of the Establishment stitch-u.., sorry Independent Review into Governance was handled. Apparently, TCD forgot/omitted to tell them he was going to hand Sir Bill Gammell and Norman Murray the biggest can of whitewash he could find inside the biggest B&Q in Edinburgh and delegate them to cover his, and others' fat arses.

But, what's new, for every good move, such as the Walker's tie-in which they come up with, the Three Amigos – TCD, MH33 and J Cheever Loophole manage to come-up with something like half a dozen means of proving, they are at the moment beyond the control of the body which is supposed to have oversight and control.

All of, or at least the vast majority of the problems afflicting the SRU at the moment keep coming back to one unavoidable touch of reality – the rugby side of the Scottish Rugby Union does not appear to be being run by rugby people.

Sure, allow MH33 to bring Walker's cash to the table – but it is you, the Council members, who should be telling him, and his two partners in crime, where and how it should be spent.

When she first stood for high office, Dee Bradbury stood on a platform of standing-up for the clubs, and holding the paid executives to account. Well, you've had your first year as President, Mrs B; you haven't impressed – time is running out if you wish to leave a legacy from your status as the first woman president of a major union.

Because, you haven't come up to the mark, you have made it a lot harder for the next woman who tries for high office.

I understand too, that the two stooges who were humiliated when they opposed Ian Barr for the vice presidency last season, are attempting to return to the trough. Let the clubs be fore-warned.

IN THE WAKE of our relegation out of the top tier of the Under-20 World Cup, I have started an in-depth examination of our progress in bringing through young talent. Unfortunately, I am having bother finding-out the names of some squads over the past decade, but, from what I have discovered thus far, we are not doing too-well.

I have, as yet, been unable to find any details on one complete season, and short of spending a full day up at The Mitchell Library, it will be difficult to find the missing information, but, what I have found is far from encouraging.

Over the past decade I have found that, only around 50% of any one season's Under-18 squad advance into a future Under-20 squad. Less than a quarter then advance to earn a full professional contract, and less than 10% make the final leap to full international status.

My data is, as I have said, incomplete, but, at first glance, serious questions have to be asked, about our initial talent weeding-out, and more-so about how we bring these kids on once we have identified them as maybe having that bit extra.

It does not look good at the moment, but, I will get back to number crunching before I write more-fully on the subject.

But, all is not lost. At the same time, I am conducting a similar exercise on Scottish football, and the SFA's inability to spot real talent makes the SRU appear to be paragons of virtue when it comes to giving youth a chance.

IN MY ongoing efforts to always look on the bright side of life, I am occasionally thankful that, grim though many aspects of life in Scottish Rugby are at the moment – we are not England or Wales, where famine, pestilence and outright civil war seem to be permanently ongoing.

Poor wee Eddie Jones, one of the three men currently holding the bigger poisoned chalices of English Exceptionalism in Cricket, Football and Rugby is having a wee moan to Robert Kitson in The Guardian this morning.

Eddie only joined the RFU in the wake of England's failure to win the 2015 Rugby World Cup, but, as he pointed-out, in less than four years, he has had to work with FOUR different Chief Executives at Twickenham.

We up here might not be fans of TCD, but, at least, he has hung-in there. And, unlike Eddie, Gregor Townsend is not in the middle of a continuing battle for supremacy between the Union and the top clubs.

Leicester Tigers are now up for sale, what will the rugby landscape down south become if, as is rumoured, the same international big money which has polluted the English football Premiership gains a foothold in English Rugby? I'd rather not go there, thank you very much.