Egg-Shaped Eyes: Aristotle's Weekend Television Review

FRIDAY night's FOSROC Super6 Sprint Grand Final finished as a narrow win for Ayrshire Bulls over a Heriot's team which showed remarkable resilience in the face of adversity – with two forwards carried off, to keep the Bulls honest.

To be honest, the Bulls have never demonstrated their full potential over this season's Sprint. They have been consistently under-par, but, thanks to the sheer hard-nosed will-to-win of the likes of skipper Blair Macpherson, Frazier Climo and Ed Bloodworth, even without some key men, they were still too strong for a visiting team who showed terrific defensive line speed and commitment, but lacked the Bulls' cutting edge in attack.

Watching the game on BBC Alba, I found the most-significant portion of the programme was the half-time interview with SRU Performance Director Jim Mallinder, in which he announced some significant upcoming changes to the entire S6 concept.

These will see:

• Greater involvement for the Scotland Under-20 squad

• Greater involvement for the Edinburgh and Glasgow A sides

• Hoped for cross-border competition involving English and Welsh clubs

Mallinder's backing for the whole S6 concept will, no doubt, be greeted with unconfined joy by the usual suspects in clubland, but, I think ever the most-stubborn of the Aye Been brigade will have to accept, this tier of the Performance Game, is going to be around for a while to come. I will be saying more on this in the coming weeks.

Some critics, given Heriot's led 15-5 at half-time, before eventually going down 19-15, tried to sell the Final as: “A game off two halves.” I am not buying that one, for me, while paying due tribute to the efforts of the Edinburgh side, I always felt, in the end Bulls' greater attacking threat would eventually pay off, and this is what happened. The second half arrival of Ben Afshar with his greater speed of ruck delivery was a key factor in Bulls' second-half dominance.

The sub-text of the game was that it was Frazier Climo's last dance, and the man from Taranaki – surely now, forever in a sporting context twinned with South Ayrshire – went out in style, with one try, an assist, a second try chalked off and some typically concise line kicking.

What a legacy Frazier leaves. As a player he has mentored and encouraged: Beauden Barrett, Ali Price, Fin Russell, Mark Bennett, Robbie Fergusson, Ross Thompson and Tom Jordan; that's not a bad seven to be going on with, Add his influence on the likes of Ollie Smith, Stafford McDowall, Matt Davidson, Kyle Rowe, not to mention the younger Bulls; backs such as Elias Caven, Jamie Shedden, Kerr Yule, Ben Afshar and Richie Simpson who are currently benefiting from his coaching and it is clear, he is building some legend.

After the match, Heriot's Head Coach Ben Cairns had a bit of a pop at the officials – unfairly in my view. Referee Ruaridh Campbell has, I think, been a very-good official in the games he has handled this season, and Friday night's was no different.

Mind you, the twice Heriot's have won at Ayr in recent seasons, both times they had the same referee – now happily found-out and banished from sight. Maybe they think buying an official is the way to go – that referee certainly gave me the impression in both Heriot's wins, that Ayr were playing 16 men. On Friday night, a different, fairer official and his team were very-good.

SATURDAY'S double header was the Gallagher Premiership Grand Final, from a less than packed Twickenham, which perhaps proved, you can hype a game and a competition all you like; you can have the top two clubs in the country, packed with internationalists, playing in the game; but, you cannot fill the cathedrals of the game for club matches – only internationals sell-out. Significantly, there were a few complaints about the Twickenham ticket prices in BTL comments in The Guardian.

The match might also have been hail and farewell for Sean Maitland, who was taken off early-on with a knee injury. His contract with Saracens runs out at the end of the season and, with the English clubs looking to cut their salary bills, he is not guaranteed to still be playing at this level next season.

It was definitely a final Saracens' game for Duncan Taylor, who came off the bench to play his part in his side's victory, particularly for his charge-down which led to the match-clinching try.

Just a thought – I believe Sale scrum-half Gus Warr is Scotland-Qualified. We are relatively well-off for nines at the moment, but, this young man is one to watch. Hbis elder brother Harry, of course, won Scotland Under-20 honours while with Ayr and Ayrshire Bulls.

IT WAS my intention to watch the BKT United Rugby Championsnhip Grand Final, between The Stormers and Munster after the English final. However, problems with my Amazon Prime connection meant I lost the picture after about 20 seconds and after several fruitless efforts to reconnect and a lot of swearing, I gave up. Well done to Munster, however, on their victory – they did it the hard way, via a series of away wins. Might we now acknowledge, hate him or loath him, Peter O'Mahony must be the most-hard-nosed bastard in the game today. To quote my old pal, Ayr United legend Davie Wells: “He'd be in my team at Kilbirnie.”

So, I was forced to watch the Watsonians v Stirling County Super6 game from Meggetland. After the fireworks in the S6 final at Millbrae on Friday, this was cauld kale. Stirling's defence was woeful and if Watsonians had held onto the ball better, they would have won by even more than they did. It was a pretty poor game.

The S6 play-offs have had just one consistent theme running through them – the losing coaches moaning about the quality of the refereeing. What is it about these guys from Edinburgh and the Borders, that they seem to want to blame losses on the referees.

Certainly in the Watsonians v County game, referee Jonny Perriam made far fewer errors than the players of either side, and he was very clear as to why he made his decisions.

I didn't see the Boroughmuir v Southern Knights game, but would say, referee Finlay Brown is a damned fine official. OK, there might be a case for arguing that, he's spent most of this season on the Sevens circuit, so might be less-familiar with the full-sized game, but, he's such a good referee I don't see that as an issue.

It;s not the referees that are poor – it's the current Law Book that needs updating, although it would help if the referee managers interpreted the laws better and got the actual officials to be a lot stricter.

 

Friday NIght Choices

WELL – that was a hectic weekend, with crucial games on Friday night, Saturday and Sunday. It might have signalled the end of season 2022-23 in Scotland, however, the campaign definitely went out with a bang.

Friday night found me again multi-tasking, thanks to the timing clash between the Toulon v Glasgow Warriors European Challenge Cup Final and the crucial first v second, Ayrshire Bulls v Watsonians FOSROC Super6 Sprint clash. To be honest, Warriors were so off the pace, I virtually gave up when both games were on simultaneously, finding the S6 game more-enthralling.

Of course, that rush of shite to the brain by 'Sonians' Bobby Bratton was the key moment, Bulls were never going to lose with a one-man advantage, but, had it remained 15 v 15, it could have been interesting. Particularly when Bobby Beattie is in their XV, Bulls are the class of the field, but, in the Sprint Series, they have not played as well as they can, making too-many unforced errors and repeatedly being forced to “win ugly.”

One of the key foundations of Super Rugby is supposed to be that it be a tier in which players who could transition into full-time professional rugby show their potential. Bulls do have perhaps more players who meet this requirement than any of the other franchises and on Friday night, the likes of Jamie Shedden, Kerr Yule, Ben Afshar, Rory Jackson and Archie Smeaton all showed up well and may be worth a punt further up the food chain.

Of course, the problem is, to reap the full benefit of S6, the SRU really needs to go to a minimum of three full-time teams – and somebody should tell the Performance Department: “No more recruitment of non-Scots” to the full-time teams.

I will be saying more about how I feel S6 should move forward, after this week-end's final games.

As to Glasgow; yes, it was a bad night at the office – but, I really feel, we need to be putting a lot more work into our forwards. Scottish packs, in the current era, simply lack the power of other units and until we get better forwards coaches, and smarter and harder work from our player, then, to my mind, we will continue to fail to provide our excellent backs with the front-foot ball and the platform they need to flourish at the sharp end of the game.

I watched the Saturday afternoon replay of the Toulon game, on BT Sport. Warriors had chances, but, on the night, they lacked the necessary cutting edge.

That second showing was a good warm-up for the big game: La Rochelle v Leinster; which was a terrific game, which might have been better still had it been competently refereed.

I am old enough to remember a Marty Feldman sketch from over half a century ago, in which he played an English football commentator, growing increasingly frantic as be laid into a Swiss referee, in his view helping Uruguay beat England.

The fictional referee in the skit was supposedly based on Gottfried Dienst, the Swiss official who presided over the 1966 World Cup Final. Watching Jaco Peyper on Saturday, I was reminded of Herr Dienst and that fictional official from the Feldman sketch. Here again was a referee promoted above his abilities, giving a below-par performance in a big match and nearly spoiling it.

Jaco is a classic sufferer from Small Man Syndrome, he appeared to be doing his best to help Leinster win, the way he repeatedly let them away with murder, however, in the end, justice was done when La Rochelle came from behind to triumph.

I know, I know, criticism of referees is too-easy these days. Yes, I accept, the Laws of the Game URGENTLY require overhaul, but, when you have referees with a long history of incompetence – and that certainly applies to the three who were on-duty on Saturday, then it wouldn't matter what was done to the Laws, you would still get problems.

HOW TYPICALLY Scottish, that Caledonian Reds should emerge victorious in the first playing of the revived Inter-District Championship. The South were even-hotter favourites than Leinster, to win Sunday's Braidholm show-down, since the men from north of the Forth didn't have La Rochelle's track record.

I am delighted for everyone behind their success. We sophisticates from the central belt certainly tend to under-estimate the men of Caley, so well done to them for their victory.

Great too, to see Glasgow and The West thumping Edinburgh. I wasn't really surprised at this, however. It might well be that too-many of the very-good young players coming out of places such as Merchiston, Watson's, Fettes and The Academy are lost to Edinburgh clubs, because they go off to universities in England, but, clearly, the Edinburgh clubs are not holding onto young talent – while the absolute nonsense of having three Super6 franchises in the city is also diluting the talent pool in Auld Reekie.

After Sunday, th big question is – where do we go from here? It will be interesting to see what the great brains within The Murrayfield Junta come up with.

 

Rugby World Cup 2023 - It's Getting Serious Now

WELL – WE KEN NOO. On Tuesday Gregor Townsend announced the 41 players from whom, barring injuries, our 33-man World Cup squad will be selected. Those whose clubs still have something to play for will hope to get through these last games, then have a wee break before the hard work starts over the summer. Those who are already finished for the season, now know, they cannot exactly throw off the traces and make whoopee!

Toony has always seemed – selection-wise (other than when he falls-out with The Gallus One) a conservative coach. So, no left-field “bolters” have been named; the two uncapped players: Warriors' Stafford McDowall and Leicester's Cameron Henderson have both, from their club form, been mentioned in despatches for much of the build-up to the selection announcement, so, their inclusion was not a great surprise.

Maybe the fact Stuart McInally is in, while Fraser Brown isn't, is something of a surprise, but, these two have been jostling for position seemingly for ever.

In case you've missed the many announcements, the full squad is:

Forwards (23): Ewan Ashman (Sale Sharks), Jamie Bhatti (Glasgow Warriors), Dave Cherry (Edinburgh Rugby), Andy Christie (Saracens), Luke Crosbie (Edinburgh Rugby), Scott Cummings , Rory Darge, Jack Dempsey, Matt Fagerson, Zander Fagerson (Glasgow Warriors), Grant Gilchrist (Edinburgh Rugby), Richie Gray (Glasgow Warriors), Cameron Henderson (Leicester Tigers), Stuart McInally, WP Nel, Jamie Ritchie [Captain], Pierre Schoeman (Edinburgh Rugby), Javan Sebastian (Scarlets), Sam Skinner (Edinburgh Rugby), Rory Sutherland (Ulster Rugby), George Turner, Murphy Walker (Glasgow Warriors), Hamish Watson (Edinburgh Rugby).

Backs (18): Jamie Dobie (Glasgow Warriors), Darcy Graham (Edinburgh Rugby), Chris Harris, Adam Hastings (Gloucester Rugby), Ben Healy (Munster Rugby), Stuart Hogg (Exeter Chiefs), George Horne, Huw Jones (Glasgow Warriors), Blair Kinghorn (Edinburgh Rugby), Stafford McDowall, Ali Price (Glasgow Warriors), Cameron Redpath (Bath Rugby), Finn Russell (Racing 92), Ollie Smith, Kyle Steyn, Sione Tuipulotu (Glasgow Warriors), Duhan van der Merwe (Edinburgh Rugby), Ben White (London Irish).

Experience-wise the squad goes from 100-caps Stuart Hogg, WP Nel, Grant Gilchrist and Finn Russell – all aiming for their third World Cup Final tournament to the uncapped Cameron Henderson and Stafford McDowall, who have both earned their place through sterling club campaigns.

Between them, the squad boast a total of 1147 caps, an average of 28 per player, so nerves ought not to be a problem, regardless of the final 33.

Glasgow Warriors provide 17 of the squad - 9 forwards and 8 backs; Edinburgh has 12 representatives – 9 forwards and 3 backs, while there are 12 Exiles – 5 forwards and 7 backs.

The squad will convene for their pre-tournament training camp, on 29 May. Their preparations will include some time at what will be their tournament base in Nice, and warm-up games against France (home and away, 5-12 August), Italy, 29 July and Georgia, 26 August, all leading into the World Cup opener, against reigning World Champions South Africa, in Marseilles, on 10 September.

We then face Tonga, in Nice on 24 September, Romania, in Lille, on 30 September before facing Ireland, in The Stade de France, in Paris, on 7 October. Hopefully, that will not be our last outing in Rugby World Cup 2023.

WHEN, I wonder, will the SRU send a warrior into battle for us, in the world of international horse-trading which surrounds multi-national competition?

I ask, because it seems to me, there is, in the world of international disciplinary hearings – a particularly harsh tariff, held back for Scottish players who are found guilty of foul play, and what I might call a mild slap on the wrist and don't do it again tariff, reserved for players from elsewhere.

I cannot for the life of me see how Tom Jordan gets five weeks for his red card against Munster while serial no-arms tackler Owen Farrell got off with a reduced ban and a spell at tackle school for his last offence, and Chris Ashton, who to me was as guilty as Jordan, got off without a ban for his weekend red card.

It's time our rugby diplomats were less-diplomatic and started standing up for Scottish players.

FINALLY – just who was the All Blacks legend, seen running, naked, through the grounds of an upmarket Ayr hotel last week? No names, no pack drill, but, he now knows it is unwise to spend the evening in the company of exiles from the backwoods of Taranaki, particularly when in the further company of a former Scotland winger who enjoys a wee swally.

For Once, I Am With The Celtic Family - You Can Shove Your Coronation Up Your Erse

I CAN just about remember the last Coronation. We didn't have a television then – the Old Man wasn't a fan, being very much a Scottish Home Service radio listener. However, the next-door neighbours did have a set, so we went in there to watch the ceremony.

Mind you, we kids in the street were in and out all day. The actual ceremonials inside the Abbey did little for us, but, we enjoyed the pageantry of the huge parade. Indeed, I can still remember one of the jokes of the day.

Queen Salote of Tonga, who, like most Tongans was “A big wummin” delighted the crowds by ignoring the rain and travelling in an open carriage, which she shared with a smaller Asian gentleman – some Malaysian Tunku or other from memory. The joke was, when the cameras caught them, someone, watching in some part of central London asked: “Whose that with the Queen of Tonga?” Legend has it Noel Coward, who was in the room, remarked: “Probably her lunch.” Wonderful thing English humour.

Any way, our wee village held a Coronation Gala Day, at the local football ground. I dimly recall briefly looking in, in time to see one of my mates winning the prize for Best Costume – as 'A Modern Miner.'

We also, all the kids at the local Primary School, were given a tin box, like a pencil case, full of Cadbury's chocolate. The Old Man, one of the handful of locals who would admit to voting Tory – although he was a Scottish Unionist Party member, rather than a Conservative, also bought a commemorative coronation book, which I still have.

The United Kingdom of 1953 was a lot more united than the country is in 2023 – memories of the War were still fresh, and we had survivors of both World Wars all around us. So, I can confidently say, even if we had still been playing rugby in May back in 1953 – no games would have been scheduled for 2 June, 1953 – the date of the big show for Lizzie Windsor.

Fast forward nearly 70 years and – certainly in Scotland – there is no appetite for a total shut-down on normal life, so we can all, even through the medium of television viewing, watch Chuck Windsor plonk his erse on that auld cludgie stane..

I mean, the lack of respect, even those nasty neo-Republicans in AUOB (All Under One Banner) have arranged a pro-Independence march through the streets of Glasgow, to clash with the big parade down in London.

But really, is Mark Dodson so certain his CBE is secure (I think a K would be a step too far) that he could sanction Silver Saturday to clash with The Coronation? Just as the Old Man was prepared to face-down the massed ranks of Labour-voting cannon fodder locally, and admit to voting Tory (or at least for a party which would take the Tory whip at Westminster), well, I'm prepared to face-down the many Proud Scots But – BPHB (that's the Bonnie Purple Heather Brigade) members we find around Scottish Rugby and admit to being in-favour of Independence. So, I applaud the SRU's decision to go ahead with their big day in opposition to Charles and Camilla's Big Day Out.

Mind you, typically of the SRU, they've got it wrong. They have rolled over and given way to their Irish and South African overlords, by allowing THE big game of the weekend – the Glasgow Warriors v Munster BKT United Rugby Championship quarter-final to be scheduled on the same day as their club cup finals.

Seven games are being played on the main and back pitches at Murrayfield today, involving 14 clubs: that's a lot of rugby fans moving around Scotland today.

The spread of the clubs who have made it to the big day is interesting: Seven are from Glasgow and the West of Scotland; Four are from Caledonia; Two are from Edinburgh, with only Hawick representing the Borders – the supposed powerhouse of Scottish rugby – aye, it's Aye Been like this.

I just wonder how the date clash will impact on the attendance at Scotstoun tonight.

We really need to be marketing rugby better than we currently do. The SRU, to my mind, are seriously lacking in marketing nous and ability. At the very-least, the Glasgow game should have been played on Friday night – if for no other reason, by scheduling the URC game against Silver Saturday, they've managed to fuck-up the wonderful Hugh Dan's last hurrah at Scotstoun.

Hugh Dan had to choose between commentating on the Sara Beaney Cup final and being at Scotstoun. It's a choice he should never have had to make.

SPEAKING OF tonight's big quarter-final at Scotstoun: received wisdom has it that the host team is more-likely than not to win such games. However, if any team will be up to end Glasgow's long run of home wins, then that side is surely Munster.

I feel the guys under real pressure in this one will be the third team – thee match officials. Because, you could bet the farm on Peter O'Mahony and his troops being prepared to stretch the Laws to the limits and beyond to win.

Once upon a time, you could confidently predict that Munster would win the forward battle, and gradually wear down Glasgow, to prevent their better backs from dominating the game.

That is no longer the case, however, I honestly reckon Glasgow has to build a big enough lead, when the starting XVs are on the park, to stymie the Munster come-back in the final quarter.

I do like the look of the Glasgow squad, which is: Jamie Bhatti, Johnny Matthews, Zander Fagerson, Scott Cummings, Richie Gray, Matt Fagerson, Rory Darge, Jack Dempsey; George Horne, Tom Jordan; Kyle Steyn (Captain), Stafford McDowall, Sione Tuipulotu, Sebastian Cancelliere; Ollie Smith. Replacements: Fraser Brown, Nathan McBeth, Simon Berghan, JP du Preez, Lewis Bean, Siona Vailanu, Ali Price, Huw Jones.

That team, particularly if Matt Fagerson, Rory Darge and Jack Dempsey can gain the upper hand in the back row battle, can keep this wonderful Glasgow season going.

 

Glasgow Warriors - Potentially More Air Miles Than A Disgraced Prince

FRANCO SMITH has, through his management of Glasgow Warriors this season proved himself the master of what might be the most-difficult part of coaching – squad rotation. Now he faces his most-severe test of this art, as he guides his team through the sharp end of their campaign. He faces a schedule which is as daunting as anything, even a World Cup:

• First game – a home quarter-final against Munster in the BKT United Rugby Championship, on Saturday, 6 May

• Win that, it sets up a second game, either in Dublin v Leinster, or in Cape Town, v Cell C Sharks, on Saturday, 13 May

• Next up will be the European Challenge Cup Final, against Toulon, in Dublin, on Friday, 19 May.

• Then, all being well, the team could still face the URC Grand Final, on Saturday, 27 May, against whoever is still standing from the other side of the draw – Ulster, Connacht, Stormers or the Bulls. If it comes down to Glasgow v Ulster or the Stormers, the final will be an away game – should they be left to face Connacht or the Bulls, Glasgow will have home advantage.

We are now in the world of hypothesis. At worst, Glasgow have two matches left, the home Munster match-up and the Dublin show-down with Toulon; at best, they have four games left.

The nightmare scenario is – what happens if Glasgow beat Munster and the Sharks beat Leinster? This would leave Warriors with a trip to Durban – followed by a six-day turn-around and a trip to Dublin, before another away trip, to either Belfast or Cape Town.

I have seen in chat rooms, some Warriors' fans suggesting Smith should decide which ties they can win and then send a token shadow squad to the ties they feel they cannot win, or aren't too-bothered about.

That is shite, and I don't ever see Mr Smith thinking that way. He's a South African rugby man to his very core – if the Saffers are in any competition, they are in it to win it.

I can only hope the SRU is prepared to spend big, to give Glasgow the best-possible chance of progressing, whichever sides they may have to face. Because, you can bet,Smith and his coaching staff will be looking seriously at how best to give themselves a chance of winning both the Challenge Cup and the URC title, in what are difficult circumstances.

Get their travel experts earning their corn – if Glasgow are facing one or even two trips to South Africa, get the squad upgraded to Business Class for the most-direct flights – but, give the team a real chance of winning these four potential games.

IF SPORTING events always went with form, we would never see results such as Berwick Rangers beating Rangers, Inverness Caledonia Thistle downing Celtic, Japan beating South Africa or Buster Douglas thrashing Mike Tyson. But, upsets do happen and, as Darvel showed in beating Aberdeen earlier this season, if the team deemed to be the better of the two on the park doesn't show up on the night, surprises follow.

For that reason, I will concede, any one of the top half dozen or so Tennent's Premiership clubs could beat any one of the FOSROC Super6 clubs in a one-of game. However, over a season, I feel either Bulls or Watsonians would still emerge as title-holders.

But, it aint gonna happen any time soon. Comparing S6 with the Premiership is like comparing apples and pears. Both are Scottish Rugby Union competitions, but, other than that, there is a world of difference.

For all the flaws which the great brains within the SRU have managed to build into the S6 concept, it's still a level above even the best of the Premiership – but, Murrayfield or common sense will never allow the forces of Aye Beenism to admit that.

WHO'S PLAYING WHERE is the big question in Club Land, as we go into the, grass roots summer shut down. As ever in Scottish Rugby, nobody really knows, but, I thought I would have a try at reading the runes.

So, here is how, as far as I can see, things will look in season 2023-24:

Premiership: Currie Chieftains, Edinburgh Academical, Glasgow Hawks, Hawick, Heriot's Blues, Jed-forest, Kelso, Marr, Musselburgh, Selkirk

National One: Ayr, Biggar, Dundee, Gala, GHA, GHK, Glasgow Academical, Highland, Melrose, Watsonians.

National Two: Aberdeen Grammar, Berwick, Falkirk, Gordonians, Kirkcaldy, Lasswade, Newton Stewart, Peebles, Stewart's-Melville, Stirling County.

National Three: Allan Glen's, Boroughmuir, Cartha-Queen's Park, Dumfries Saints, Hamilton Bulls, Hillhead-Jordanhill, Howe of Fife, Orkney, Preston Lodge, West of Scotland.

National Four: Dunfermline, Garnock, Greenock Wanderers, Murrayfield Wanderers, North Berwick, Perthshire, Strathmore, Whitecraigs and one from Ellon, Ross High or Stewartry.

I was going to carry on and put out details of the Regional Leagues set-up, but after looking at the SRU website on that matter – my brain exploded and I will have to sit down, take my time and see if I can make sense of it for a later post.

MIND YOU, for all the fuck-ups, bad decisions, simply daft conclusions which we have seen from The Junta over the years – well, Scottish and English Rugby kind of reflects Scottish and English politics.

The SNP may well be a bunch of self-serving, troughing incompetents, but, compared to the Tories in Westminster – truth is, they're doing ok. Similarly, the Junta inside Murrayfield, under TCD, may well be taking our game to Hell in a handcart, but, compared to their opposite numbers down at the Cabbage Patch, the SRU aren't doing too-badly.

At least, our top clubs are not going to the wall as surely as the leading English clubs. And the fact the 57 Old Farts are either unwilling, incapable, or both, of telling their clubs – our system is set for failure and we need to change things drastically.

London Irish is the latest top English club to send out distress signals – they will not be the the last.