Pardon The Reticence - But.....

JOURNALISM has changed somewhat since I was, if not a boy, certainly a fresh-faced young man starting out. Back then, in the days of hot metal, compositors and real journalists, our craft was seen as: The first draft of history”, and it was impressed on me by the old hands who trained and encouraged me: “Our job is to say as much as we can in as few words as possible”.

Today's working journalists, I fear, plough a different furrow. It seems to me their job is to cut and paste copy generateed by publiuc relations workers to fit what little space there remains in publiucations which are floundering. My personal take is that since the bean counters took over, there are fewer production professionals who can polish raw copy and make it sing.

Today's sermon is taken from the book of SRU Press Releases – namely the announcement of the recruitment of David Nucifora to an advisory role within the Union This announcement came in the form of a 439 word press release. In typical SRU fashion it also came 48 hours after an English-based newspaper had leaked the story.

The meat in the story of the 439 word press release was in the second paragraph, which ran to 50 words and said: “David's remit will be to drive change in all areas of our development structure to ensure we nurture Scotland’s best male and female talent. David is contracted for two years during which time he will also advise the Scottish rugby Limited board on the appointment of a permanent Performance Director”.

I believe a further 11 words, in paragraph one of the press release are also significant, these 11 words say he is: “To provide a roadmap for its next decade of player development”.

So, 439 words, of which only at most 61 – that's just under 14% - really mattered; the other 86% was flim-flam filler; so much for saying as much as we can in as few words as possible.

But, let's look more closely at what is happening. David Nucifora has secured a two-year consultancy, during which he has to:

1. write a road map for where the SRU's player development pathway is headed

2. drive change in all areas of the development structure to ensure we nurture Scotland's best male and female talent

3. Advise the SRU on the appointment of a permanent Performance Director.

Jim Mallinder's decision to step down as Performance Director was revealed in the minutes of s Scottish Rugby Limited board meeting, on 14 December, 2023. That minute said he would leave the post in the Summer of 2024. So, the SRU, via SRL has known about their need to recruit a new Performance Director for eight months. However, under the timetable announced via this week's press release, at best a minimum of a further two years will elapse before the new Performance Director is appointed – meaning thuis important post will be unfilled for the best past of three years.

This assumes the SRU will find David Nucifora's road map viable and will then find someone prepared to, at least at first, follow it. Are men not notoriously averse to following road maps?

There are other unanswered questions around Nucifora's relationship with the SRU. He is already acting as a consultant to Rugby Australia, a two days per week commitment which he has been fulfilling since December, 2023. However, it has been announced that he will sever his connection with Rugby Australia in November to concentrate on his new role with Scotland.

So, at best for the next three months, he will be spending something like three days per week on SRU business, presumably from his base in Australia; what is as yet unclear is:

• will he continue to live in Australia after November?

• will he relocate to Scotland?

• how much time will be commit to the SRU?

Then, given the shaky state of the SRU finances at the moment, there is the big question:

• how much will this two-year consultancy cost the SRU?

Then there is another potentially huge question:

• what happens if the new CEO, whose appointment is supposedly imminant, wants a full-time Performance Director in place earlier than in
  August 2026? This, as things stand, appears to be the earliest date by which all the deck chairs can be re-arranged.

It is for these reasons that I am not as yet joining-in the general celebrations at Mr Nucifora coming on-board. To my mind, the whole situation is a case of kicking the can of taking the tough decision further down the road, and there has been too-much of that from the ruling Junta of late.

The dictionary definition tells us: “A consultant is someone who provides professional or expert advice in a particular field of science or business to either an organisation or individual”.

Fairly straight-forward then, what worries me, however is this: once Mr Nucifora starts to offer-up his pearls of wisdom and suggestions – will he be heeded by The Junta?

We must always remember, in Scottish Rugby: “It's aye been and aye will be”.

THE ARNOLD CLARK Premiership kicks-off on Saturday, with an absolute cracker of a game taking centre stage. At Millbrae, Ayr, whose XV will be led by Blair Macpherson (pictured) and be heavily-weighted with other players last seen in the slightly different pink and black colours of Ayrshire Bulls, are taking on defending Champions Currie Chieftains.

 

For added spice, the match, which kicks-off at 4.10pm, will be broadcast live on BBC Alba. Nothing against Alba, who have done a fine job on promoting Scottish Rugby these past few years, but, if they have to promote one of Scotland's indiginous tongues, particularly from a ground which has the Burns Monument Gardens at one end and the Robert Burns Centre at the other – why not Braid Scots, or Lallans, the Mither Tongue.

Galston's own Billy Kay, who has done so-much to promote Scots, could surely do a commentary job, in fact, if it wasn't for the fact my own voice is only really suited for interpreting the works of Marcel Marceau, being fluent in Ayrshire Scots, Ah wid hae a shoat et it masel.

 

A New Season But More Aye Beenism

THINGS I HAVE learned in over 60 years involvement in Scottish Rugby:

1. If the SRU couldn't run a properly-functioning results service with the over-bloated staff of the Dodson Days, how were they going to do it with cost-cutting redundancies on the agenda.

2. SRU thinking: we need a new Performance Director, but, if he does his job properly, his ideas will clash with those of usd in the “It's Aye Been” tendancy on the Club Rugby Board – so let's pay over the odds for a consultant.

That's my someewhat jaundiced take on the weekend, which saw the commencement of hostilities for season 2024-25, with the first matches in the Women's competitions and the first round of matches in the West Regional Leagues and the start of the Schools/Youth competitions..

OK, I've long been a critic of Buddy and the Elves in the SRU Communications Team. Yes there are a handful of good guys working well in there, but, when the Honcho is as much use as a chocolate fire guard and couldn't run a bath – you're going to have problems.

But, to be fair, they did have all the Saturday results up on Sunday morning, so be must be thankful for small mercies.

Few clubs have fallen as far from grace as Kilmarnock, so, even if it was at the expense of my beloved Cumnock, it was good to see them winning 51-19 at Broomfield on Saturday to go straight to the top of West Division 1. The Bellsland Boys are one of three clubs on five points, the other two being Oban Lorne and Annan.

According to the SRU website, on Sunday, Lenzie were second in the table, having beaten Oban 23-2 – you would think somebody at Murrayfield would have noticed that you cannot score two points in a game, more-so when the league table shows the side having scored that paltry number of points also has a four-try bonus point.

STOP PRESS – the result and the table have been corrected by this morning.

Annan had a 36-24 win over Strathaven, who at least had the consolation of a four-try bonus point. Fourth and fifth are Dalziel, who beat Bishopton 25-12 and East Kilbride, who had a good 26-17 win at Cambuslang in the final game in the division.

According to the SRU Website, Strathendrick are top of West 2 following their 56-12 home win over Waysiders-Drumpellier. Mind you, I cannot believe that Lomond and Helensburgh could, as they undoubtedly did, beat Clydebank 81-7 and not score four tries, which would have put them top. Three converted tries with the rest accumulated via penalty goals and dropped goals – come on, that isn't going to happen at thius level.

Other winners in this division were Wigtownshire, who beat Birkmyre 31-5; Carrick, 38-22 winners at Uddingston and Cumbernauld, who beat Irvine 20-15.

The new season did not start well for Rugby Union in the City of Glasgow, as neither Hyndland – away to Lochaber, and Shawlands – at home to Moffat. Could raise a team. It is worrying when two such long-established clubs are struggling to get teams out at the start of a new season.

In the two games which were played in this league: Isle of Mull ma home advantage count, beating Glasgow Raptors 29-19, while down the road apiece, Mid-Argyll narrowly lost, 26-29 to Paisley.

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AS REGARDS Point Two and the ongoing saga of our lack of a Performance Director, I again find myself shaking my head and even more convinced, The Junta could not run a gird/minauge/bath (delete according to personal preference).

David Nucifora may well have considrerable credit in the bank from his spell in Dublin, but, to my mind, appointing him as a presumably short-term consultant is further proof of the old definition of madness: doing the same thing again in the hope of a different outcome – Steve Diamond anyone.

I also offer the somewhat jaundiced definition of a non-medical consultant: “Someone who studies something so-much, he or she ends up knowing all there is to know about fuck-all.”

Sorting-out Scottish Rugby's performance failings – if indeed we have any – I believe we are currently punching a bit above our weight, is not a job for someone jetting-in for a short spell, having a look at things and offering advice – particularly when those he is advising all have their own agenda, which may not conform to the needs of the Union.

We are currently doing ok, but, if we truly want to do better, we need somebody there 24/7, knocking heads together and getting things done. Ensuring we have a steady stream of raw talent coming through and that that talent is on a pathway, clear of weeds, which can lead to Scotland regularly winning the Six Nations and the World Cup.

It will be a long haul, it will take effeort – and rather more effort than we can expect from a high-cost consultant. At the end of this seadson, we will be 30-years into Open Rugby, and still some of the great minds within the Murrayfield bubble are closed to where we are and what we need to do.

OK, I have no doubt that Mr Nucifora will do some straight talking, he may well come up with a road map to get us to where we want to be, but, I still have my doubts about some of the High Heid Yins to whom he will be talking being capable of straight listening.

 

What Has Franco Done?

ONE OF my favourite stories of Scottish journalism is based around one of the worst crimes in Scottish history. When the name of the perpetrator was released, the News Desk of the paper where one of the leading journalists at the time had the same name as the villain worked, received a call from a member of the unfortunately-named journalists family, enquiring: “Whit's this oor Jimmy's done noo”? His name, by the way, wasn't Jimmy.

OK, it perhaps says more about what his family thought of him than about the journalist himself, but, segwaying into present-day Scottish Rugby events, I can just imagine someone in a South African accent calling Scotstoun to enquire: “What has our Franco done now”?

I refer, of course, to the signing of Australian/Tongan Sam Talakai; this one makes absolutely no sense. Smith has just signed Talakai, a 32 year old tight-head with one Cap for Australia, having in the past year released two Argentinians, Enrique Pieretto and Lucio Sordoni. Pieretto is 28 and has 23 caps, Sordoni is 26 and has three caps. On statistics and age alone, this move seems like recruiting down.

Smith is of course old-school, he is in there to win games for Warriors and he wants to put out the best Glasgow team he can to achieve this. I had a look at the statistics from last season, in which Warriors played 26 competitive games, in the BKT Unitd Rugby Championship and in Europe.

Going by these games, last season's Warriors' first team, with games played was: Jamie Bhatti (14/3), Johnny Matthews (14/9), Zander Fagerson (16/5), Scott Cummings (17/3), Richie Gray (11/3), Matt Fagerson (15/1), Rory Darge (15/1), Henko Venter (11/10); George Horne (16/4), Tom Jordan (19/7); Kyle Rowe (17), Stafford McDowall (20/1), Sione Tuipulotu (19), Sebastian Cancielleri (14), Josh McKay (22).

That gives a median figure for each player in starting in 58% of the Glasgow games. Those in the notional first-choice team who featured least – Richie Gray and Henko Venter, who both starteded in 42% of the games; the only player to be involved in all 26 games was Tom Jordan, who started in 19 and came off the bench in the other 7.

As regards the tight-head props: Zander started 16, Lucio Sordoni wore the number three shirt in 8 and Murphy Walker began the other 2. I could only find 15 games in which the back-up tight-head came on, and while we know Zander playing all 80 minutes was not unusual, it may be that some of the back-up guys got on but their contribution was not picked-up on.

There is no disputing, Zander is our leading tight-head. Inded, I would go as far as to say, given the ages of the other leading number threes in the British Isles, he will be favourite to fill that jersey for the Lions in Australia at the end of this season.

Last season, in addition to his 21 game commitment to Warriors, Zander played 9 Scotland games, that total of 30 matches is right at the limit of what a 21^st century internationalist is expected to play.. It might even be argued, given the minutes per matches he tends to clock-up, that he was over-played last season, although, against that, he was excused duty in the end of season tour to the Americas.

OK, perhaps Franco has seen enough of the three tight-heads he alredy has as back-up to Zander, to realise, he needed somebody with a bit more experience, for the games when he has to rest his top tight-head. Yes, Warriors, as defending Champions in the URC have a bit target on their back, and he is in a result business.

However, I still believe this need for Glasgow to win is the wrong approach. Yes, we want to see them at the sharp end of the league, but, when you look at their squad, this ought to ba a given – Warriors's squad boasts 24 full Scotland internationalists, plus four from other nations. They also have ten former Scotland age group caps among their full-timers and a further 30 age group caps in their Academy.

The sole purpose of Warriors and Edinburgh is to provide a platform on which the bulk of the potential Scotland international team can perform at a high-enough standard to prepare them for the internationals.

Both Edinburgh and Glasgow are loss-making enterprises – their primary purpose is to be a vehicle to keep the internationalists ticking-over and more or lss international-ready.

For this reason, their squad ought to be made-up entirely of the best Scottish talent – there is no need these days to still be recruiting Non-Scottish Qualified (NSQ) players.

FINALLY – in case you had not noticed, competitive rugby is back tomorrow, with the first round of matches in the Arnold Clark, West Regional Leagues.

There will be five fixtures in what I suspect will be one of the most closely-fought leagues in the country. Two of these games stick-out to me. Biased though I am, I fancy things will be hectic at Broomfield, where Cumnock will entertain Kilmarnock. When I was a boy and Kilmarnock were flying high, that was a fixture we could only dream about; mind you the most-enjoyable game I ever played in was a 2^nd XV match, again at Broomfield, against a Kilmarnock team bolstered by a handful of first team men.

Former Kilmarnock and Glasgow flanker David Good and I literally knocked lumps out of each other that day – the start of an enduring friendship. Cumnock have to build on last season's Scottish Shield win so beating Killie would be a good way to start.

The other stand-out game is a bit of a local derby, with Cambuslang entertaining East Kilbride. The boys from Roundabout City are under new management this season. Having taken a short break, former Bishopton coach Franklin Clark is now calling the shots at EK. Wee Frankie is one of the good guys and I wish him all the best in his new role.

The other three fixtures will also be keenly-contested. Annan entertain Strathaven, Bishopton host Dalziel and Lenzie are at home to Oban Lorne.

I am reliably-informed that in West 2, the team to watch will be Wigtownshire. Apparently the men from the foot of Loch Ryan have been bolstered by the arrival at some local farms of a quintet of more than useful Kiwis, all of whom can play a bit. They open their campaign at Birkmyre.

 

The Junta Are Doubling Down On Taking The Piss

I HAD an interesting conversation this week with one of the leading club officials in Scotland, at least up until the end of last season, when he decided to stand down from his elected positions within his club. He will continue to attend most games, and will, if asked, give his twopenceworth on issues, but, he has moved back from front line rugby administration.

His view of the current state of play within the game here is not a particularly flattering one: basically he reckons the game and its management is in a bit of a mess.

For instance, he says of the last Premiership forum which he attended: “There were 24 club representatives in the room, all but two of them over the age of 60. That is not a good position to be in”.

At the 2024 AGM, due to be held in November, there will be a shuffling of the deck chairs on the quarter-deck, which means a new Vice President will need to be found and elected at the AGM. Nominations close at the end of this month and full details of what is involved and the nomination process can be found on the SRU Website.

The vice presidency is a six-year commitment: two years as VP, two years as President and two years as Past-President. This is not a job for anyone elderly, the question is, will the SRU be able to find someone who has perhaps something on common with today's players?

Some see a spell in the higher reaches of the SRU as perhaps a nice wee interest in retirment from the day job. Supposing we take 65 as still being normal retirement age, although I do acknowledge, in more-stressful jobs such as teaching, th long-serving get to retire at 60. But, take 65 as retirment age, any person of that age standing for VP and being elected will be in-thrall to Murrayfield until the age of 71.

What follows that, standing for President of the USA?

I also hear, just as I surmised might happen, all is not well with the proposed Professional Player Draft, whereby the Senior Academy players and the lesser lights among thre full professionals with Edinburgh and Glasgow will be drafted to Premiership clubs to get additional game time.

Apparently the coaching staffs at the two clubs are loath to let players play for just any club, the rumour is that Glasgow is only prepared to release players to “Glasgow” clubs: Ayr, Glasgow Hawks and Marr, while Edinburgh would prefer to only release players to Currie Chieftains, Edinburgh Academicals, Heriot's and Watsonians, thus giving a seven/five split between the haves and have nots.

In adddition, discussions are on-going as to which Academy and professional players will be available, and, what are the terms of their release – how many minutes per game can they play etc. We all remember how muddled things were in thy old pre-Super Rugby days when the Premiership last had access to professionals.

Who can forget Peter Wright's memorable comment on player release when, as Head Coach at Selkirk, he had access to Edinburgh players: “Providing I sent them back fit to hold a tackle bag on Monday morning”.

Then there is the situation around the proposed A games involving the fringe Edinburgh and Glasgow players. We are less than two weeks away from the start of the club season, less than five weeks away from the URC kick-off, yet still thrre are no details of any A team fixtures. The feeling in the body of the kirk is that everything is being almost being written on the back of a cigarette packet.

I say it again, if our still unidentified Performance Director is any way competent, sooner rather than later he will tell The Junta: “Look guys, you've got to bring back Super Rugby, but this time, you've got to get it right”.

It is interesting to read the June SRU Board minutes, where we learn there is apparently a difference of opinion between Vice President Keith Wallace and Scottish Rugby Ltd Chairman John McGuigan around how the new Player Pathway will be organised and run. This will need to be sorted-out sooner rather than later.

Keith Wallace appears to have been elected fall guy for the changes which have been made in the last few months – the dropping of Super Rugby, the job losses. He is perhaps now finding, being inside the tent pissing out is a tad more difficult than being outside the tent pissing in. However, it does appear strange that, if Keith has been the bad guy driving things, he has not met stiffer resistance from the empire builders inside The Junta, whose bailliewicks are under threat of dissolution.

The fact is, making professional rugby pay is looking increasingly like Mission Impossible, so, who is going to play Tom Cruise and get us out of the mess?

By the way Keith, since I know you read my haverings, in 2023 the Club Rugby Board met in January, March, April, June, August and October. That's six meetings last year. This year, 2024, the only minutes of CRB meetings to be up on the SRU website are those from the January meeting. I accept, these minuts cannot be posted until they have been passed at the next meeting; so, by my reckoning, you're Board is at least two meetings behind in posting the minutes to tell the body of the kirk what is going on.

So, I ask again – just what are you guys not telling us?

ONE THING The Murrayfield Junta is definitely telling us is – We don't really give a shit what you think of us – we'll carry-on doing what we like.

I write this following the announcement of the signing of Australian prop Sam Talakai by Glasgow Warriors. Come on guys, is signing a tight-head prop, who will turn 33 in less than two weeks' time really what Warriors need. Given he has only one cap, off the bench, is Non Scotland Qualified and will be WP Nel-aged by the time he does qualify, this signing makes no sense.

Bringing a guy all the way from Australia, at a time when the SRU and by definition the two pro sides are having to make cost-savings to offset the Union's precarious financial position, I makes even less sense.

What does this signing tell younger Scottish tight-heads?

 

The Good Old Bad Old Days

BACK IN THE DAY – Gott in Himmel it's 40 years ago now; when The Scotsman Group wasn't looking to lay-off journalists, their standards were high. One of their bright young things was a young Graham Spiers, who was showing even then, he could write.

One of “Britney's” best regular features back then was his take on the activities of what he called: “The Flogging and Hanging Committee”. This was the Disciplinary Committee of the Ayrshire Region of the Scottish Junior Football Association. The men who dispense football justice in “God's Orange County” have, since Victorian times ensured justice is not merely done, but seen to be done, so the press has always had its place within the committee room.

Back then, I was that journalist, and I got some belting stories, which enhanced the local papers, and Graham's Sporting Diary in Scotland on Sunday. I can still remember some of the cases – Ted O'Rourke of Kilbirnie Ladeside, getting a four-week ban for “pittin' the heid oan” Boaby McCulloch of Ardrossan Winton Rovers. He should have got six weeks but committee member Felix Wright of Lugar Boswell Thistle argued, that since Ted's claim: “If Ah hudnae pit the heid oan Big Boaby, he' hiv pit the heid oan me” was a statement of fact, the crime be reduced to “Retaliation” - albeit, Ted had retaliated first.

Thene there was “Mr Justice Bell”, Committee Chairman Ian Bell of Glenafton Athletic, cautioning Martin Ferry of irvine Meadow, who, on being red carded had threatened to “do-in” match referee Ian McMurdo, after Mr McMurdo had sent him off.

“Part of Mr McMurdo's day job at Cumnock Broo, is to tell redundant miners caught working cash in hand while claiming benefits that their broo money is stopped – he gets threatned on a weekly basis by real hard men, so you're wasting your time son”, was Mr Bell's censure as he banned Mr Ferry for eight games.

Then there was the Cumnock Juniors committee man, living proof of the protocol, whereeby “The Village Idiot” gets a place on the local junior committee. This contender for The Darwin Prize had thumped Auchinleck Talbot's Kenny Paterson (truth to tell a fitba version of Faf de Klerk or Nic White) over the head with a thick corner flag post.

The club official denied the charge vehemently, even after the match referee and both his linesman gave eye-witness accounts of the assault, the referee saying graphically: “I felt the wind of the flagpole as it whizzed past my nose to connect with Mr Paterson's head”.

His club happily paid his fine, which describes relations between the Hatfields and McCoys of the junior game.

Sadly, today's sports journalists in God's Orange County, as far as I know, don't have admission to the West of Scotland Football League's Management Committee's deliberations, and in any case, since covering the meeting would involve working past 5pm and being unchained from their office computers, I feel they would be suffering withdrawal symptoms.

That's the thing, sporting governing bodies, be they at the grass-roots end, or a national governing body such as the Scottish Football Association or the Scottish Rugby Union, these days appear to be obsessed with “News Management” - keeping the tightrest of holds on what information gores out, and how it is presented – to the detriment of the game.

Long gone are the days when the likes of Norman Mair or Bill McLaren, who had shared a dressing room and a communal bath with the guys running the game, could tell them, in confidence, ovr a pint in the club room: “That's not a good idea, maybe you should re-think it”. Which to their credit, the old-style “Bufties” often did.

Today, too often, The SRU Junta, denied/ignoring the age common sense of the rugby press corps, goes in, feet first, making the wrong choice, then doujbling down when their folly is exposed.

In olden times, if the great minds inside Murrayfield had got it wrong, a harumphing editorial, on metaphorical tablets of stone from Messers Mair, McLaren or Bill McMurtrie might have salvaged the situation, today – The Junta kens best, so live with it.

This leaves the body of the kirk with no protest avenue other than the BTL (below the line) comments section of The Offside Line – now Scottish Rugby's preferred forum for dissent. This week's hot topic therein is the appointment of South African Scott Mathie as the new Edinburgh Attack Coach.

My own view of this appointment is – it's a demonstration of one of the firm principles of modern-day professonal coaching, where the trend for many years has been towards the North American concept of: “The Coach as God” - (TCAG).

This means the guy who is being paid the big bucks to bring success, can more or less do what he likes, until he fails, whereupon he is out on his erse. One side effect of TCAG is that the Head Coach gets to pick his assistants. You see it particularly in football, where the Head Coach or Manager is allowed to bring in his own ”possee” guys he knows and trusts and has worked with in the past.

That is the main reason why Mr Mathie has landed up in Edinburgh. He and Head Coach Sean Everitt have a working relationship going back some years, Mathie is Everitt's man, so, he gets the Attack Coach gig.

He comes to Edinburgh on the back of a couple of good years in Major League Rugby in the USA, a league which is nowhere near the BKT United Rugby Championship. OK, he's not holding down the top job at The Hive, so he doesn't have that: “It's all down to me” pressure to deal with. However, if, as he surely will, he reads the BTL comments on TOL's piece on his appointment, he will know he has a substantial section of the club's support to win over.

If he can get the team converting opportunities to tries and he helps Edinburgh into the sharp end of the URC season they will be happy. But, I think he knows – the Edinburgh support can be a tough crowd to win over.

At the time I write, there are 19 BTL comments up on TOL regarding the Mathie appointment. Only five of the comments are pro-Mathie, trn are anti- the appointment, while the other four might be termed neutral. Obviously I wish the new guy well, but, he's got a crowd which, if not second hourse Friday night at the old Glasgow Empire tough, will take a bit of winning over.

THE OTHER big stooshie on TOL concerns the appointment of Stephen White as the latest INED (Independent Non-Executive Director) of the Scottish Rugby Limited Board, after having his appointment rubber stamped by the main SRU Board.

Mr White, who is Chief Operating Officer for Santander UK takes up appointment from the enxt SRL board meeting, due this week. He has a lifetime of banking experience, but, the big question on TOL has been - “Is he a rugby man”?

Apparently Mr White lives in Ayr, so, since I could not place him in any Millbrae crowd from his picture, I made some enquiries of my friends in Ayr Rugby Club, the reesponse: “Stephen who”? Nobody from Millbrae to whom I spoke could place him as being anything but a very-occasional visitor to the club.

Mind you he does have one sporting historical achievement, he apparently played Junior Football for Cumnock Juniors. Well, that counts against him, anybody daft enough to play for the 'Nock has to be short a marble or two.

The problem is, at their level, the SRU has to appoint as INEDS who have big business experience and you tend not to find them around Murrayfield or even Premiership clubhouses. The guys who move millions around tend to socialise in places such as St Andrews, Muirfield, Royal Troon or Turnberry, or some of the discreet, elite clubs in Edinburgh. Rugby Union is not the game of the Scottish Establishment or the movers and shakers in commercial Scotland.

It doesn't help either that, in the wake of last year's £10.5 million loss, the SRU is seen in some quarters as a company in extreme distress.

Speaking of which, in my efforts to perhaps find a clue to how the Union is gong to dig its way out of the financial hole it is in, I chanced to read the minutes of the June meeting of the main SRU Board – the one Lorne Crerar chairs.

Apparently, they are looking at establishing a columbarium and memorial garden on the Murrayfield campus. This sent me to Google, where I learned a columbarian is a memorial wall, into which urns containing the ashes of the cremated are placed. I am surmising, and this is just my thinking, the memorial garden might be named in honoujr of Siobahn Cattigan but, again, that's just me thinking out loud.

I fear it will take more than that to put the SRU on an even keel financially, however, from the same minutes, I learn the expected loss for the current (2024-25) financial year is expected to be around the £3 million mark.

Redundancies and departmental belt tightening will play a big part in bringing this to bear, but, some of the current honchos in over-bloated departments will be squesling at some of the proposed cuts.

 

OK Olympics - Back In Your Box The Fitba's On

IT BEGAN with Rugby Union in pole position, for the Antoine Dupont Show. It ended, from a British perspective, with the magnificent sight of Emily Campbell's Snatch (cheap innuendo for the front five there – apologies). In between, it was rather a good Olympic Games.

The rain-soaked opening ceremony was typically French – some of the tableaux were a bit between Poirquoi? And Qu'est que ce? Where was Marcel Marceau for instance? I was wondering when there would be a nod to Edith Piaf, but right at the end, they wheeled-out the lady Bill Leckie refers to as: “Dein' Sea Lion” to bring the house down.

Then we got down to business, and Dupont. Eddie Jones came up with the concept of “Finishers” - Rassie Erasmus has his “Bomb Squad” - well, as a finisher, Monsieur Dupont came out as a thermo-nuclear device as his second-half contribution to the final blasted Les Bleus past the hitherto unbeatable Fiji.

Antoine got to carry the Tricolour at the Closing Ceremony – he had earned that right.

Being a miserable bar steward, I had to watch the BBC coverage, rather than pay for the more-comprehensive Discovery + stream. Too much of Clare Balding, Gabby Logan and The Dames, too much chat, not enough real-time action.

As usual, the Beeb coverage was aimed at showcasing the best of British. OK, getting to a final is still a fantastic achievement, but, one or two that Auntie had hyped-up fell short. I do not comply with this fashion for gold medal loading the medals table – in actual number of medals won, Team GB to my mind actually came third, which is a terrific achievement. I await with interest the final analysis, which covers athletes reaching finals – which is where we always do well.

So, what were my Paris Olympic Games highlights, in no particular order:

• The way Antoine Dupont turned the Sevens Final

• That Black Ferns haka after they won

• The all-round excellence of Leon Marchand

• Alex Yee's fantastic sprint to win the Triathlon

• Femke Bol's finish in the Mixed Relay final

• That young kid winning the climbing gold – he could barely believe it

• Sydney McLaughlin-Levorne's gold medal win in world record time

• Duplantis winning the pole vault at a world record height

• The all-round excellence of Dutch cyclist Harrie Lavreysen

• Tom Pidick's mountain biking gold medal win.

Yes, there were disappointments:

• Josh Kerr just losing out

• Matthew Hudson-Smith getting caught on the line

• Jemma Reekie fading in her semi-final

• Laura Muir, in spite of a PB, falling off the pace in the 1500 metres

• Elish McColgan not being fit enough to do herself justice

• Katie Archibald not even making it there thanks to injury

• The way they shot Sharon Davies over her shoulder again, to the distress of all us men of a certain age

• That Andy Murray could not have strung it out for a medal

I liked the three taps of the stick to start a session, and the gold medal winners ringing the bell – definitely worth keeping in future Games. The finish to the Women's Marathon was terrific, Sifan Hassan is a special talent. But, for sheer drama, nothing came close to that Mountain Bike race when Pidick had it won, got a puncture and had to win it again.

Mind you, the BBC has already decided, Keely Hodgkinson is going to win SPOTY, so it mattered little.

So, that's it, we can put all the diddy but entertaining minor sports away for another four years, which is a shame; there was a rally in one of the badminton doubles matches which was wonderfully gripping, as was that jump off, won by Hamish Kerr of New Zealand, whose grand-parents came from Troon, in the Men's High Jump.

While I am in the field – where did that gold medal-winning Javelin throw from the Pakistani boy come from? Very-impressive.

The Opening Ceremony wasn't helped by the rain, and was perhaps too French for the rest of the world; while the Closing Ceremony wasn't helped by the fact, most of the French acts the rest of the world has heard of, are either dead: Maurice Chevalier, Edith Piaf, Sacha Distel, Stephane Grapelli, Johnny Hallyday, Gilberet Becaud or out of fashion.

I was hoping for a wee appearance from Belgium's gift to France: Plastique Bertrand, but it wasn't to be. Mind you, Los Angeles perhaps over-spent on Tom Cruise and Snoop Dog, I wasn't impressed by the B listers they rolled out to perform. Or maybe I just wished the next games had gone to Nashville, and we could have had Dolly or Emmylou performing.

Any way, it was good and entertaining while it lasted, but, that's the Olympics put back in the box until 2028. I hope I'm still around to see the Games then, meanwhile, we will be back to purritch and auld claes, or pish about the Old Firm and the English Premiership. C'est la vie sportive Bretagne.

A final thought, Scotland, with roughly 10% of the population of the United Kingdom, produced some 20% of Team GB's medals – we again over-performed. Such a pity, I seem certain to go to my grave without seeing Team Scotland following the saltire into the Olympic Arena.

We also over-performed in the opening and closing ceremonies, where Andrew Cotter, not least as a translator and Hazel Irvine again demonstrated they, like the now retired Sir Andy Murray, Sir Chris Hoy and JJ Chalmers are class acts as talking heads.

 

No Scrums - Bad News For The Chubby Guys

RUGBY UNION'S proud claim, that it is a game for all shapes and sizes is facing a severe threat. During the weekend's New Zealand v Argentine Test in Wellington, the first scrum of the game was not called until the 60^th of the scheduled 80 minutes. If this statistic becomes a trend, what will become of those citizens who are as broad as they are long, and thus the claim to be a game for all shapes and sizes.

To the chagrin of some of us old fossils, who have been initiated into the dark arts of front row play, at the top level, such has been the raising of the bar in terms of individual handling skills, that fewer scrums has, outside South Africa, been a trend for years. After all. The scrum is supposedly a means of restarting play after it breaks down withou other penalty; so, if the level of handling has improved to the extent that there are fewer knock-ons etc., it stands to reason there will be fewer scrums.

The down-side to this is that, to a degree, modern international props in general, cannot scrum as well as their forefathers. England used to take huge pride in their pack's ability to scrum. In guys such as Fran Cotton, they had players who knew their stuff in the scrum. Today they have the likes of Joe Marler, Ellis Genge and Kyle Sinckler, whose efforts in the scrum are embarrassing. Genge, in particular, is a highly-regarded carrier of the ball, but, for all his excellence in open play, in the tight, where props are still really judged, he's some way off top class.

One of the things I have noticed about the 2024 Olympics is that in the field events, while there are still some big units participating, in one or two we have seen if not necessarily smaller, certainly better toned competitors not only participating, but contending. Field event competitors were at one time referred to as “whales” - because they were so big; this is no longer the case.

In terms of Rugby Union, I can still remember Dai Young, when he in the terminology of the time: “went north” - swapping Union for League – having to lose several pounds in weight. He didn't have to scrummage as hard, but, had to be leaner and fitter to do the ball-carrying impact running required of him. This is now coming more and more into 21^st century Union.

Mind you, to an old scrumming purist like me, the way World Rugby, and in pareticular their refereeing deparetment has taken so-manmy of the old skills out of the equation, it's almost as if the game's High Heid Yins are determined to take the scrum out of the game, and when and if that happens, the game will be much poorer for it.

They've all but eliminated strikes against the head from the game; you rately see a push-over try these days – the game is going to the dogs.

ONE OF my favourite Cricket stories concerns an interloper from the “soft south” who found himself in the crowd at a Lancashire v Yorkshire “War of the Roses” match at Old Trafford, when two fans in front of him, one from either side, got into a robust exchange of views regarding an lbw decision.

The Southerner, from meory a Surrey member, offered his twopence-worth on the dispute, only for both of the protagonists to turn on him and ask: “What's it got to do with thee ould lad”? Thereafter he kept his own counsel, if was safer.

My reason for mentioning this is, since Saturday's New Zealand v Argentine match in Wellington, there has been a mild stooshie on social media around the fact, the scoring pass for one of the All Blacks' tries might have been forward.

This dispute is largely being driven by South African keyboard warriors. So, in taking my cue from those northern cricket fans of legend, I would ask the Saffas what it has to do with them – perhaps it's yet another example of Saffas' lack of self-confidence. For all therir four Rugby World Cup wins – of which they never tire of boasting, they still repeatedly have to remind themselves that they think they matter.

HAVING COVERED the difficult journey in Sports Writing, from Wannabee, to Never Was, to my current condition of Has Been, I know what fun the journey can be.

Back in the good old days of “Hot Metal” when I was making my way in this wonderful trade, we had big black typewriters, we had to “make a black” of everything we wrote, and had to suffer the slings and arrows of old-time sub-editors, who existed to make our lives misery on their diet of cigarettes and alcohol, then suffer further ignominy when the boys in the caseroom and paste-up got to give their opinions as they produced the paper. These kids today, with their lap-tops, they don't know they're living.

When I was a boy giants stalked the earth. The (Glasgow) Herald had the two Bills, McLaren and McMurtrie, plus the wonderful all-rounder John Downie, while The Scotsman had Norman Mair, whose essays on Rugby Union read as if they had been delivered on tablets of stone.

The Daily Express, back then, was a serious newspaper, in which “Meek the Sheik” the Blessed Brian held sway. Brian was just about the last decent Conservative and Unionist in Scotland, I still miss his good sense.

Now I have graduated to the ranks of “The Fossils” - the old-timers in the corner you generally ignore, I take a great interest in who's coming through to replace us. Of the present-day talent, the John Rutherford and Andy Irvine are David Barnes of The Offside Line and Mark Palmer of The Times. But, bubbling other, we have one or two other guys who give me hope for the future.

We are in the era of the hard-working freelance, since the bean counters who hold sway in commerce today have a great fear of actually employing talent; and one of the hardest-working and most-talented is Graeme Macpherson.

A good Paisley Buddie, Graeme's natural habitat is in that area of St Mirren's newish ground to which the old North Bank Casuals have gravitated, but, he has segwayed easily across to the Hooligan's Game played by Gentlemen where he is having an impact.

He cites my spell on the Paisley Daily Express as one of the major influences on his approach to Sports Writing – if only by making sure he doesn't do what I did. Graeme's latest offering for TOL is well worth reading – an interview with new Edinburgh tight-head Paul Hill.

Reading it we learn a lot about the new number three in the capital. He seems like a decent recruit, just a pity the Edinburgh manager felt it necessary to bring in another Non-Scottish Qualified player in a key position, where they already had two capped Scotsmen.

FINALLY – perhaps the highlight of the weekend games in the Rugby Championship was that maul try, scored off a five-metre line-out, by the Springboks, against Australia.

It was a brilliantly-worked training ground move, a long throw to the back, a leap and pass (in mid-air), for Eben Etzebeth to leap, catch and feed for the drive over. Clearly a lot of work went into it and the Boks should be applauded for the thought that went into it, and th slick execution.

Pedants – and I am famed for my pedantry – might question the move. Is there perhaps a hint of a forward pass in the back to front presentation? A picky referee might call this; but, truth is, it's a cracking move, which I am surte we will see repeated and copied.