Let's Get Ready To Laugh At England

I'D hate to be English, particularly middle class, public-school-educated English; brought up in the certain belief that God is an Englishman, the Tory Party was created to rule, England still has an Empire on which the sun never sets and fair play and keeping a straight bat is the way through life.

It is often said that England's home games at Twickenham is the setting for the middle classes at play - actually I feel you'd probably find Murrayfield - "the largest old school reunion in the world" more-closely equates to the the definition: "the middle classes at play".

Enough, back to business. It is certainly no joke being English and in particular an English rugby player at present. Sure, they've got their World Cup campaign off to a good start, beating Argentine and Georgia in some style - but, being England, that isn't enough for the biggest bugbear to those nice middle classes - the English media.

Even before some of the players again displayed the certainty that boorish, over-paid middle class rugger buggers ought not to be allowed out of an evening in New Zealand, the knives were out for England - because they didn't score enough tries in skewering the Argies, or weren't clinical enough in blowing away the limited Georgians - no they didn't display the style those awfully nice folks back home demand of England teams.

Well, I've got news for them - the English don't do style and elan. These virtues were all but banned by the middle classes after those flash Harries in the Light Brigade made such a cock-up of things at Balaclava.

You want winning with style or against the odds - you get the Jocks and the Taffs in - the Charge of the Jocks at Balaclava - the foot soldiers hanging onto the stirrups of the Royal Scots Greys, or the Thin Red Line. You get the Welsh, Rorke's Drift and all that - but, if you want to see how England wins, you look at the wars of attrition - the old-fashioned infantry square - the years of industrial killing on the Western Front.

It's the same in sport - the guys who played with style and a smile: cricketers Botham, Gower and Co, were never quite trusted; England prefers solid yeomen - Boycott, Gooch, Barrington, men who will wear down the opposition.

In football the public loved the cavaliers - Greaves, Gascoigne, Matthews and Co, the "blazers" went for solid chaps who wouldn't rock the boat, Wright, Moore, Charlton, Scholes.

In rugby - Richard Sharp aside, England has never built a side round a genius. They want steady, solid types who will obey orders and do a job.

English rugby has always lacked imagination. They understand the maul, the ruck has always been a mystery to them. For years English forwards have been trained to trundle up to the breakdown, then fall down. Finally, in this World Cup, the referees have decided they can no longer do this - so they are penalising them, and England don't like it.

They will not change quickly. They will surely thrash Romania without having to change too-much, but, when they face Scotland, they will be asked questions which, on the evidence so-far, they are ill-equipped to answer - and Chris Paterson will make them pay for not learning to adapt to a changing game.

Then, the shit from groping blondes, dwarf-throwing and the like, will really hit the fan.

Can They Finally Nail "Bill" Down?

REGAINING possession of "Bill", as the Webb Ellis Trophy is known on both sides of the Tasman Sea is perhaps more an obsession than a cause to the inhabitants of 'The Land of the Long White Cloud', whose hosting of this seventh edition of the IRB Rugby World Cup kicks off today.

Rather like England with the football equivalent, the Kiwis, who consider themselves the guardians of rugby's flame, find it embarrassing that they have only won the thing once, and that was on home soil in 1987.

Of course, England's failure to add to their 1966 triumph is easily explained - they were lucky mince then, they've been ordinary mince ever since. The failure of the All Blacks to add to the Dave Kirk-inspired triumph in that inaugural World Cup is puzzling in the extreme. They have been the outstanding rugby team on the planet consistently since 1987, but, for about a month, every fourth year, they seem to lose it when the next tournament comes around.

Will it be any different this time round? Well, everyone in New Zealand hopes so.

Realistically the All Blacks are, at worst, a three-to-one shot to lift the trophy; it is difficult to see anyone other than they, the Wallabies or the Springboks winning the thing - unless France, as they are wont to, but never quite manage to carry through, suddenly find inspiration when on the verge of elimination.

You can forget the other 16 nations, for varying reasons. Some, Namibia, Romania, Georgia, Russia, Japan, Canada, USA, Tonga, Fiji, Samoa don't have the depth of squad, experience or professionalism.

Others, Wales, Ireland, Scotland, Argentina, Italy lack the X-factor - but could go far if they get the breaks - then, there is England.

Every other side's common enemy have the players, they have the money, they have the history, but, they will not win it. The sheer mental pressure, from the abuse they will take from all sides in New Zealand, from the unrealistic expectations of their own media and fans and from having to justify, on the world stage, the hype and build-up of that same media, which is simply licking their collective lips at the chance to put the boot into the failures, means, England will fail - and all hell with break loose.

In fact, I have a funny feeling Scotland will beat them in that final pool game in Auckland. Never mind, "Johnno" can always stay in his second home in King Country, "Wilko" will go back to France and making money, Tindall, Shaw and Thompson can retire, leaving the rest to pick up the pieces.

I do, however, feel, beating England might be our high point. But, on the basis that, some day we have to get lucky and beat the All Blacks, I quite fancy our chances of winning an All Blacks v Scotland final.

Well, a man can and has to dream.

But, realistically, I fancy the All Blacks to just beat the Aussies in the final.

Will We Be Having a Pyjama Party This Time Round?

I CAN still recall the surge of excitement which surrounded the inaugural Rugby World Cup, back in 1987. Then, travelling to New Zealand for the event was a real adventure, while back home, we waited and wondered - not least how ITV would fare, entering the previous BBC fiefdom of rugby coverage. In truth, thanks in no small measure to John Taylor's microphone presence, they did rather well.

So too did Scotland and had we not been caught cold by a typical Gallic piece of not-quite-legal sleight of hand, and been hampered by John Rutherford's career-ending injury: who knows how it might have ended.

Probably in the same way - beaten by the All Blacks.

That New Zealand v Scotland quarter-final gave me one of my fondest rugby memories. My club has a proud reputation for being "different", maybe it's because we keep the rugby flame alight in an area where: "real men play junior football - everyone else is a poof". Perhaps it's because we play by a rugby version of the specific ordnances of junior football in our neck of the woods - "If there's nae bluid and the bone isnae stickin oot o the leg, it wisnae a foul" - but, we don't exactly do: "play-up and play the game chaps".

Our credo is somewhat New Zealandish, except we have never quite - with a scant few exceptions, had the all-embracing winning concept of the lads from the Land of the Long White Cloud.

But hey, we know how to party and we did as we looked forward to that 1987 quarter-final, played in the middle of the night back here. Which is why, at around 4am Scottish time, on the day of the match, a couple of us, clad in pyjamas, Paisley pattern dressing gowns and sporting cravats, feet in slippers, were standing outside the clubhouse, engaged in conversation with two of Strathclyde's finest - who were quite properly wondering what three or four cars were doing turning into the rugby club at such an ungodly hour.

"We're having a pyjama party to watch the World Cup quarter-final, followed by breakfast", the polis were told - a response which seemed to go down well with them, as they got back into their car with the parting line: "You rugby club guys, you're all fucking mad".

We took this as a compliment, enjoyed the game, but not the result and the breakfast.

Twenty-four years on, as I write this, there are no plans for any pyjama/breakfast parties during this World Cup - but, the thing hasn't even got going yet, so there is time. Probably, if the timing is right, it will happen for the final group game against the Common Enemy, I hope so.

But, the excitement is about the same, as are our aspirations. With a wee bit of luck, we could go far in this World Cup. Andy Robinson has brought Scotland in under the radar, we've got almost the perfect itinerary, each game building and I honestly believe, on neutral ground, where we will have the support of the locals, we CAN beat England, avoid the All Blacks and maybe make the semi-finals, where anything can happen.

This squad is maybe a bit light at half back, we must all pray for Chunk's continued good health, but, I am hopeful.

And just maybe, we will be convening for another pyjama party sometime soon.

It's Good To Be Back

AS a player back in the days of three-point tries, double banking in the lines out and hookers who actually hooked, I was never a huge fan of pre-season training. Our club had a captain who was an SAS veteran, he was followed by a gun runner: ie a former matelot who had been in one of the teams who took part in the annual Field Gun Display at the Royal Tournament.

Both these lock forwards maintained the necessary level of psychotic agression necessary for playing in the front five in Ayrshire rugby back then by training like Ninjas - a lot of the rest of us weren't so keen, me included.

But, I have never had a problem getting psyched-up for games, or for dishing-out (and taking) the gratuitous violence which was such a big part of rugby back then. Believe me, today's players while by no means softies, don't have to endure half of the things which went on 30 or 40 years ago -although they are a lot fitter than we were.

So, it was with a light heart that I trotted off to cover one of Saturday's opening Premiership games. A rather good one it was too. Lots of aggressive rucking and counter-rucking; three or four well-worked driving mauls; off-loading and continuation rugby of a high standard, some breathtaking long-range tries and one or two sublime pieces of skill and invention from the backs on both sides.

But - and you just knew a "but" was coming: once again the game was, to a certain extent, spoiled by the refereeing. You don't need to tell me that Scottish refereeing standards are poor - there is narry a Hosie, Fleming or Sansom to be seen today. The IRB clearly don't rate our whistlers - none will be on-duty during the World Cup. But, considering some of the Welsh wombles and Irish idiots we suffer in the Celtic League on an annual basis have made the cut - what does the IRB know about refereeing?

I have to say, the most-impressive referees I saw last season were a trio of English guys, who had charge of British & Irish Cup ties. Fit, concise, clear in their decision-making, in-tune with the game, they made even the alleged best of our bunch look poor.

We really MUST get our refereeing standards raised. Our players, the best of the best of the play mainly for fun club players, deserve better.

Meanwhile, as Andy Robinson and his boys settle into their Australian holding camp, let's hope they manage to avoid last-minute injuries and illnesses and cross the Tasman Sea in good heart for the World Cup.

I don't expect us to win the thing, but, I have one of those feelings - that we will qualify at least for the last eight - if that qualification is ahead of, or better still, at the expense of, the English - so much the better.



New Zealand Here We Come

WELL, all the conjecture is over - Andy Robinson has named the 30-man Rugby World Cup squad to travel to New Zealand. It's up to the 30-players and the more than 20-strong off-field team now.

They are certainly under pressure. Scotland expects, at the very least, a last-eight place - and when you consider that, on-paper we are only the third-rated side in our five-team preliminary group, that isn't going to be easy.

But, we are on a roll, we've won our last three games on the bounce and need not fear Argentina and England, indeed, without 80,000 Barbour-clad "Hooray Henries" harrumphing behind them, with the whole of New Zealand, not to say the rest of the world, digging away at them and with their own over-excited and over-demanding press playing their part, I fancy that an England squad, some of whom believe their own publicity, will fall apart and are very beatable.

But, we MUST pray for the continued good health of "Chunk" Jacobsen, hope that the line-breaking Lamont brothers can learn peripheral vision and agame-awareness and that we do not rue the absence of Johnnie Beattie.

We can, at least, make the quarter-finals. We will be the New Zealand public's "second team" - go fot it lads.

BACK home, the club game finally gets serious this weekend, with the first league matches. This promises to be a very interesting season, with the clubs vying for truly national status come 2012-13.

Over the last few seasons it has effectively been a three-horse race at the top: Ayr, Currie and Melrose being the big three. But, their success has come at a price, with several of last season's big club players moving up to the full-time professional game.

I watched Ayr being humbled by London Scottish on Friday night at Richmond. Admittedly Kenny Murray's squad was somewhat shorn of bulk and experience, but, they scrambled well in defence and caused Scottish some problems in attack.

Ayr are lacking in the front five, which is new, but their new new, more-expansive game, just might catch the rest out.

Invercargill Here We Come

FOLLOWING Saturday's late Murrayfield win over "an Irish XV" (this was no-way a full-strength Irish side), we can truly say the Scots are on the road to New Zealand and the World Cup, which for them begins against Romania, in Invercargill.

Never been there, but I can tell you it was just about Gordon Brown's least-favourite place in the world, and he had been to Dalmellington. The capital of Southland is apparently such a dreich place, redolent of areas of the Third World, the Romanians will maybe feel more at home there. That said, Invercargill was apparently founded by Scots emigrants, so our lads will receive an even warmer welcome than is the norm, even in that traditionally hospitable Land of the Long White Cloud.

There has been some debate about Andy Robinson's pre-World Cup schedule; some say he's playing too-few games; some say the build-up lacks intensity - all I know is: he's already coached one team to World Cup victory.

In truth, he has our two opening WC games, against Romania and Georgia in which to finally fine-tune his preparations. If we cannot beat these two, with the squad we've got - we might as well not get onto the plane. Matches against Italy, Romania and Georgia SHOULD have us nicely fired-up for the two which matter, against Argentina and Them - you know, the Common Enemy, that over-hyped lot in white.

I honestly fancy we can top our group, if we get a fair crack from the referees - something which will be more-easily accomplished since the men with the whistles in New Zealand will not have the advice of 80,000 Barbour-wearing Hooray Henries when we play England.

But, although we beat the Irish, we still have an edge to find. Wee things to tidy-up, subtle changes to make. However, a World Cup campaign isn't like a one-off international, it is even more intense than a Six Nations tournament. But, Robinson's been over the course before and I am sure he will have us firing on all cylinders from the word go.

At least, we won on Saturday - and, we scored a try. Let's be thankful for small mercies and trust that the build-up continues without incident. We need a morale-boosting World Cup and I think we will get one. 

The Pulse Quickens

WITH the announcement of the Scotland team to face Ireland in Saturday's pre-World Cup warm-up game, the pulses are definitely quickening and the big show in the Land of the Long White Cloud will soon be upon us.

Andy Robinson's team is pretty-much as expected: inasmuch as nobody really had a clue as to what it would be, other than we expected one or two of the outsiders for a place on the aircraft to New Zealand to get a run out.

I would suggest that, by their restriction to the bench the youngsters Denton and Cuthbert will be challenged to make a serious impact off the bench, or reconcile themselves to watching the World Cup on TV. Likewise, big Jim Hamilton has to hit the ground running or he's toast.

Johnnie Beattie should still go, class is, after all, permanent - but he needs a biggish game while Dickinson, when he comes on, also has to get up to speed immediately or risk missing out.

I am looking forward to an entertaining game, which will hopefully lift our spirits on the build-up to the tournament and, for once, performance is more-important than the result.

I HAD to laugh at some of the English press coverage of the Phillips/Tindal nuptials in Edinburgh over the weekend. Talk about printing p!sh, it was wonderful.

Leaving aside such bad manners as referring to those of the Royal Family who have both Scottish and English titles by their English titles - rather than the Scottish ones and the hilarious use of the word "altar" for the communion table inside the Canongate Kirk - these merely reinforce my belief that Scotland is a small, far-off country of which those in the London media bubble know little and care even less.

What really got me laughing was the insinuation that the mainly English rugby players who filled the Tindall side of the kirk were up there on an old-fashioned bender.

Aye right - I am certain strong drink was consumed, but any notion that those England World Cup squad members who were there went at the bevvy in the manner of an Old Fartingers Extra B XV on an Easter Tour to the West Country, circa 1960, were surely wide of the mark.

Today's top players don't bevvy like it's 1974 - such is their level of fitness, the demands made on them as regards training and conditioning, they couldn't possibly live with an old-style team in the bar - just as the old-style team couldn't live with them on the park.

I am told by several old-timers, who are still inside the game as coaches, directors of rugby and so forth that today's players are either fully TT or drink so little that a whiff from a newly-opened bottle of 18-year-old Glenlivet would flatten them immediately.

Black is Black

YOU have to admire the Rugby Football Union. I appreciate the name resonates with the time of that body's inception - when Britannia really did rule the waves, and most of the globe; when there was a certainty around London that here was indeed, the centre of the Universe and that God was indeed an Englishman.

Absolutely no need to put English before the three words Rugby Football Union - of course not, theirs was the only one.

Nearly 150 years later, the world is a much different place. England is a peninsula, the greater portion of a small offshore European island. Of course, the English politicians still think of themselves as running a global power, England still gets involved in global conflicts - but these they can no longer afford, in spite of the input to their treasury from the ungrateful Jocks above them on the map.

The RFU is still involved in the global body running their sport, only, today it is adminstered from Dublin and the Celts, the colonials whom the English once patronised and those damned French, not to mention Argentinians and Italians now seem hell-bent on denying England the say in anything.

But one thing is constant - the ability of the "57 Old Farts" (copyright W Carling Esq) to get it wrong, as witness their convolutions as regards Sir Clive Woodward, their ability to misplace, lose and generally undermine administrators and their frequent ability to make use of something seen in association rather than Rugby Union football - the own goal.

Admit it, let's all laugh at England is a game we all love in the Celtic fringes of this green and pleasant land, but seldom have I laughed as much as during the current furore over England's "away" strip for the forth-coming World Cup.

Bad enough that the strip is black; but it is the basic premis of an "away" strip that gets me.

You would think, somewhere within Twickenham, there was somebody with enough knowledge of Rugby Union practices to say: "Hang on, we don't actually need a change strip - and in any case, in Rugby Union, when there is a clash of colours the protocol is that the HOME team changes (Scotland/France/Italy all wear blue but in the Six Nations the home side always changes).

"If we are, by some luck of the draw, the home side against Fiji in the World Cup, then we will need a change strip, but let's face that hurdle when we come to it".

But no, guided probably by some budding genius in either theirs, or more likely Nike's PR department, a black strip has been produced. This is nothing more than a blatant money-grabbing exercise; the strip produced in the certain knowledge that the poor saps who will follow England to New Zealand for the World Cup will buy the new item in enough quantity to further swell the RFU coffers.

Mind you, I fear that after a couple of days of: "Thanks for the compliment guys" and "Good on you Poms - imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" in the Land of the Long White Cloud, the black shirts will be quietly put away and the old white shirts will be back on the pbi's backs.

I see the new shirts will be unveiled in the pre-World Cup warm-up match against Wales - how many on either side will be smashed out of the World Cup in that one? A "friendly" it will not be. In any case - why? It's not as if England need to change. But, once again, money doesn't so much talk as shout. Suppose Wales win - might the "unlucky" black strips be binned?

I cannot help re-calling how, not that long ago, when the touring Fijians turned up to play England at Twickenham, flying in the face of protocol, England insisted THEY HAD TO WEAR WHITE - after all, they were England, and the visiting Fijians were forced to change into a black and white hooped "Barbarians" number.

That's more like it, arrogant England we can all live with - that sort of stuff makes them indeed: 'the common enemy' which has ever been England's role in the sporting life of the world.

Cheap publicity stunts built around money-grabbing "away" strips do nothing to change that mind set from elsewhere around the globe.

Hawick - We Have A Problem

IT IS written in stone, probably in whichever vault the contents of the Scottish Rugby Union's museum currently lie: "A strong Scotland needs a strong Hawick". The Terris have been having a terrible time lately, so has Scotland. So, is there any sign of a new McLeod or Renwick appearing from the mists of Mansfield Park to lead us to the promised land of Six Nations, far less World Cup glory?

Apparently not, if this week's reports from the Borders are true. These tell us of defections from Hawick to Kelso by some players and of others apparently about to set-out on that drove road which leads from the Borders to Edinburgh. This is serious.

Harsh economic times have hit the Borders hard; the market for the top-quality woolens and cashmeres which have for so long underpinned the economy in the dales of the border country has shrunk like a badly-washed cheap sweater. The mills have closed, the sunrise industries which came in have seen the sun set on them and the young are increasingly moving out - an exodus which has also hit the rugby teams which have for so long been the heart beat of the communities.

We hear there has almost been civil war in Hawick for some years now - the green shirt is no longer the be-all and end-all of every Hawick boy.

Some say the rot set-in shortly after Bill McLaren retired from teaching, this view I can understand, the effect a single, totally-dedicated teacher can have on a sport has long been under-estimated and, in truth, McLaren (if he ever could have been) was never adequately replaced.

Also, the expansion of the National Leagues, now thankfully turned around by the SRU's annual meeting, perhaps gave Hawick's smaller clubs notions above their station. Whereas the men who ran Trades, YM and the other lesser Hawick clubs were once content to smooth-off the rough edges, before sending their young men up to try for the green shirt, recently, they have had their own visions of National League success divert them from their long-established and honourable task of bringing through the next generations.

For Hawick's sake, perhaps a retrenchment into regional rugby will see The Greens again become the sole focus of the town's rugby ambitions.

One thing is sure, with the restricted number of truly Scotland-wide league places on offer from August 2012 on, a few big name clubs will find themselves out of the Premiership picture. I don't see Hawick as losing out, but, if Hawick men are happy to move to Kelso, their task in rebuilding the notion of The Green Machine will be that bit harder.

However, I am sure, Hawick will rise again, and when it does - just watch Scotland go.

On Your Marks

THE new rugby season will soon be upon us. The club sides are back in training, just as the professionals have been for over a month. And this promises to be a very important season, after the changes agreed at last month's SRU annual meeting.

This new season is all about one thing on the club scene - securing a club's position prior to the decrease in the number of sides playing nationally from the autumn of 2012.

I am from the school which believes the centralisation of control of Scottish rugby into Murrayfield, which followed the move to professionalism, was a very bad move. It has taken Scottish rugby a long time, too long, to realise this, but I honestly believe a more regionalised approach will finally see Scotland move forward.

It will all depend, of course, on what the clubs decide - but if the Glasgow District clubs get their act together properly by the time the new set-up kicks off in 2012, there could be some tremendous local leagues on the go in the West.

IF THERE is one club facing real challenges in the new season, then that club is Ayr. Skipper Damien "Skippy" Kelly has returned to Australia, Glen Tippett has hung up his boots, Mark Bennett has gone off to France and Gordon Reid has secured a full-time Glasgow contract and certainly, until after the World Cup, will be heavily involved at Scotstoun and Firhill.

Of course, Ayr has a fantastic youth development programme, but, to quote Alan Hansen: "you win nothing with kids". So, recruitment will be a major task for the Think Tank of Jock Craig, Kenny Murray, Billy McHarg and Peter Laverie. But I don't mind betting, they'll pull a couple of crackers out of the bag and if the new boys gel quickly with the solid core of returning regulars, Ayr will still be in the trophies mix come the end of the season. The fact they've landed some potentially cracking British & Irish Cup ties could prove a useful recruiting tool for the Millbrae Men as they fill the gaps.

Oh Ruck!!

FORTY years ago, Ian McLauchlan got on an aircraft to New Zealand as back-up loose-head prop in a British Lions touring party, Gordon Brown accompanied him, as a back-up lock forward.

They returned to Scotland as "Mighty Mouse" and "Broon frae Troon" and life was never to be the same for the two Ayrshiremen. Big Broon, sadly, was taken from us far too soon, but the Mouse still roars and will have to roar again in a week's time, when he presides over the SRU annual meeting at Murrayfield.

With no Chief Executive, the two professional sides under-performing, changes, and not universally-popular ones, mooted for the club game, oh yes, and a World Cup in New Zealand on the horizon, Tarbolton's favourite son is facing just the sort of encounter from which he never shied away as a player. If there was one guy I'd want steering the SS SRU through the present troubled waters it would be the wee man.

Scottish Rugby HAS to change, there is no alternative - we simply cannot go on as before. Gordon McKie has bitten the bullet, most in the game wanted him gone, they have had their wish.

But, the problem facing McLauchlan and the others within Murrayfield's corridors of power is: is there anyone better out there, and if there is, will be sign-up?

We have fannied about for 15-years since professionalism, now we need to stop doing this, stop fighting among ourselves and start putting Scotland first and putting it right.

I HAVE long pondered over the merits and demerits of Sir Clive Woodward. Is he, as he seemed after England's 2003 World Cup triumph - the man with the answers when it comes to rugby, or is he, as he has been portrayed since the 2005 Lions debacle - a power-mad control freak who cannot stop micro-managing and stifles creativity and free thinking?

His background, English-born, shunted north to live in Corstorphine at an early age, then schooled at HMS Conway, a place which, if not quite sodomy and the lash, was geared to producing the men who ran the navy, before becoming the flair player in a Leicester team which wasn't the prettiest. On then to coaching at Bath and with England, making acquaintances (he apparently doesn't do friends) and enemies and equal numbers along the way. A top psychologist could probably get a couple of books out of SCW alone.

Now the internal debate between the NBWs and the ABWs within Twickenham has claimed another victim, John Steele. (NBW/ABW - nobody/anybody but Woodward). And does SCW himself do anything to stop the turmoil - nope. Very strange man, (SCW - self-centred Woodward anyone?)

Steele, if he could be enticed north, just might be the man to sort out Murrayfield by the way.

Ee Lad There's Trouble at t' Mill

IN A year during which the SFA "turkeys" can be persuaded to vote for Christmas and implement the changes which will lose a few of them their nice wee sinecures, soft seats in the main stand and access to the better purveys under the posh seats, the SRU's timing in allowing details of their own wee internal stushie to leak out is yet another example of Scotland's top rugby men dropping the ball under pressure.

CEO McKie has hardly endeared himself to the punters since taking-on the top job, others, more financially savvy than I have told me he's done a good job in reducing the fiscal deficit - problem is, he ought to be doing more to grow the game in Scotland. Also, as I have said before, there are some in high-powered jobs within Murrayfield who would struggle to be voted in as dog catcher in Hicksville in one of the "fly-over" American states in a bad year.

McKie is, apparently, a paper tiger and as anyone with knowledge of national organisations will tell you; if you appoint a paper tiger to the top job, you end up with lots of paper tigers and few real ones. What the SRU needs is someone in there who can lead rugby towards a landscape where it is closer to football in public esteem and interest. We need a salesman, not a cost accountant.

Just about the only people who think that Murrayfield's corporate body is the right management agency for Scotland's professional teams is - Murrayfield's corporate body. The pro teams are like Soviet collective farms, plenty of people on the pay roll, not much being produced.

We can only hope things improve after the agm, later this month and certainly as the proposed changes to the club game - if implemented - kick-in. But, right now, we are in deep doo-da and should maybe stop digging for a wee bit.

SCHADENFREUDE - German concept, much-loved by the Scots, Irish and Welsh, whenever the English muck-up. And, let's face, the RFU have mucked-up big style over this Performance Director job, which is, or maybe isn't, going to Sir Clive Woodward.

Woodward is a sort of well-behaved Neil Lennon, he splits opinion wonderfully. I have to admit, his autobiography 'Winning' is one of the best sports books I've read and his description of how he turned serial-under-achievers England into World Champions is a terrific blue print for any newly-appointed national coach.

However, his stewardship of the 2005 Lions in New Zealand is the definitive how not to, turning him from super manager into one of those blimpish British generals given a bloody nose by the natives in the days of Empire.

It is uncertainty as to which Woodward will return to Twickenham which has as much as anything caused the stushie within HQ which cost John Steele his job this week.

Given the London Scottish connection, should McKie be pushed/dragged screaming/persuaded out of office, if we could afford him - might not Steele be a good call as replacement - it worked ok with Andy Robinson.

APPARENTLY Andy Robinson has lit a fire under Johnny Beattie, whose place in the World Cup 30 is far from certain. Cannot see it myself - form is transatory, class is permanent and the Killer Bees, Beattie, John Barclay and Kelly Brown ought to be our first-choice breakaway trio in New Zealand. We have got few enough class acts that we could leave one at home.

Football's Universal Confederation Kicking Off For Football

FUCKOFF - That's my idea for a logo for a new world governing body for football. Catchy, to the point, says what most of us fans think about the carry-on in Zurich this week, which saw Sepp Blatter re-elected as the Godfather of world football.

If some of my more-hysterical, ie English, colleagues among the fans with lap-tops are to be believed, right now, Sepp is probably striding around a massive planning table in his private lair high in the Alps, looking through the rocket-proof glass at the world below him and muttering: "Unt now, for zhu Engerland, ze days of empire unt global influence are over - unt do not sink ze Scots vill save zhu zis time".

Such time-honoured institutions as the four Home Nations's divine right to individual places on IFAB, the International Football Board, who are the custodians of the Laws of the Game, their similarly divine right to have a FIFA vice-president, these are now under real threat. Jack Warner, the long-time number one threat to these nice little earners for some may be training with the reserves and youths right now, but he hasn't been given his free transfer just yet.

If I was Jim Boyce, the Ulsterman who has only just inherited that British vice-president's seat, I wouldn't get too comfortable. He might be back walking the Shankill rther than riding down it in a chauffeur-driven Mercedes fairly soon.

But, Blatter, if he should decide to have his revenge in this world rather than the next, will be unable to do anything before the IFAB meeting later this year - that is the FA and SFA's chance to build bridges, sort things out and if they are serious, start mucking-out football's increasingly-ranced international byre. That said, before they set-to on this, they might like to sort out their own sorry domestic messes.

I refuse to believe the really big football nations are all happy with Blatter; certainly, some (many?) of these nations are deeply and perhaps rightly mistrustful of the English as well - but, the likes of Germany, France, Italy, Spain and Brazil are in the tent pissing out, which is a more comfortable position than England and Scotland's one of out of the tent, pissing in.

Do we have a footballing politician capable of protecting Scotland's interests at FIFA while helping broker the necessary and overdue changes?

The time-honoured situation saw SFA presidents leave office and move onwards and upwards onto the FIFA/UEFA gravy train - which puts George Peat about to board.

Aye well - FUCKOFF right enough.

2001 - A Crowd Estimate

MANY thanks to my old mate Roddy Forsyth, for the above line, which I have shamelessly borrowed from his Daily Telegraph report on Scotland's 3-1 Carling Nations Cup win over the Welsh, in Dublin on Wednesday night.

The ever-sharp Roddy got the idea from the fact 'Also Sprake Zarathustra' or the theme from 2001 - A Space Odyssey was playing as the teams took the park in an Aviva Stadium which looked like a green-painted Ibrox Park in the early 1980s: you recall the joke - they had discovered a design fault, the seats faced the pitch; as the Bears voted with their feet and refused to turn-up to watch a Rangers team which could barely win a corner.

At least two batallions of the Tartan Army made it through the volcanic ash to Dublin, with a third batallion due there for Sunday's Carling show-down with the Republic. (the Tartan Army v the Green Army, in Dublin - that has to be a wet dream for the Guinness marketing department).

I believe this quadrangular tournament can be a good thing, if they get the format and marketing correct. I don't think it can merit using the really big stadia - the Aviva, the three big Glasgow grounds or the Millennium Stadium and, for sure, no British tournament can work properly unless the Celtic Fringes get a chance to have a kick at "the Common Enemy" - you know, Them, Ingerlund.

The timing is also wrong, at the end of the ever-stretching domestic season, we are all footballed out. The Nations Cup could be "a Gunnell" - not pretty, but it can run, but I feel it needs a make-over.

Still, good to see the Scots scoring goals, albeit, as was the case against Norther Ireland in February, at the expense of a poor Welsh side.

MICHAEL Fry, not a journalist I have ever thought of as a fitba man, has penned a very interesting piece in this morning's Scotsman about the Scottish Government's proposals for a crack-down on sectarian behaviour at football matches.

Fry makes some good points, which I hope our MSP's take on board. He also reitterates a thought which I have had myself. After the Old Firm Scottish Cup replay, the UEFA fine on Rangers, the Hearts v Celtic game and the BBC documentary of recent weeks, a band-wagon is rolling to the effect: "something must be done". If there is one thing politicians hate it is a band-wagon rolling without them on board, so they are all scrabbling to put in their pennyworth.

"El Chooky" Salmond wants legislation against sectarianism on the statute book before the new season, which kicks-off in about eight weeks. Our glorious leader has I fear forgotten - law passed in a hurry is generally bad law.

Scotland is still, in many ways a tribal society, particularly in West-Central Scotland. The "Proddies" hate the "Papes", both hate the "Pakis" - heck, in some parts of Ayrshire, Fife and the Lothians, marrying someone from the neighbouring village is still seen as founding "a mixed marriage". In a lot of Scotland, a white girl seen with a black boy is risking extreme censure - we can still be a narrow-minded wee nation, look how the shit hit the fan this week when the General Assembly debated gay ministers.

We've got a lot of problems still, in this 11th year of the third millennium - but nothing gets us more-aereated than the followers of two football teams fighting a (mainly verbal - let's be honest) battle about religion and politics in Northern Ireland. I accept there is some low-level copy-cat behaviour around some other clubs, but the main problem concerns just two teams, whose management will do as little as they can get away with in sorting-out their followers - since sectarianism sells.

We don't need fresh legislation - all it takes is for the SPL and the SFA to call-in the chairmen and chief executives of the two (three if we include Hearts) clubs and tell them: "Our match delegates will be listening, just one instance of offensive chanting at your matches and you will be docked however many points you win in that game." The football authorities should also list what are "offensive" songs and chants - starting with any of the Irish political and religious "folk songs" - these have hee-haw to do with Scottish football.

The clubs then have to crack-down, starting with their official supporters clubs, warning them "We are listening, we will pin-point where the singing and chanting is coming from, and if it's from an area where your members are, no tickets".

By this method, the decent fans would self-police and in very short order the lunatics who were unwilling to change would be chased from our game. What happened thereafter is a government problem, but football could at least say "We've cleaned-up our mess, now you clean-up yours". Simples.

SO Jack Warner and yon big Arab frae Qatar are allegedly on the take - haud me back, ah never kent.

Aye right - when, in one of the most-gloriously indiscreet interviews in the history of sport, back in 2007, John McBeth made a few pertenent observations about some of the people he was set to deal with as the new British vice-president of FIFA, his reward was to be roundly abused by a highly-affronted Mr Warner, Sepp Blatter and the others of FIFA's elite. McBeth, hardly the epitome of charismatic leadership, but for all that a true football man whose dedication to Clyde was most-laudable, was suddenly declared unsuitable for the corridors of power in Zurich, he was dropped like a big stone and England's Geoff Thompson almost fell over his own feet in his haste to get onboard the Zurich gravy train.

McBeth went as far as he legally could in sign-posting Warner as a crook, but no, to Thompson and the FA he was one of the first gentlemen of football. Fast forward four years, Warner in the interim having at the very least lied to the English about his voting intentions towards the 2018 World Cup and when another of the FIFA blazers, the wonderfully-named Chuck Blazer, blows the whistle on him, the FA and the English football press are on Warner's trail with the zest and enthusiasm of the Beaufort Hunt's foxhounds.

As he sits in retirement in his Glasgow home, John McBeth can at least say "Aye well, ah telt ye".

Well Done Wagga

SO Leinster have won the Heineken Cup - well done to the Dublin lads, and particularly well done "Big Wagga" aka Nathan Hines. At his advanced age and with Richie Gray growing in stature with every international, I would not be surprised were the big Australian to announce his retirement from international rugby as soon as Scotland exit the World Cup.

He has always been an iconic figure, whether playing in Scotland, France or Ireland and on the day when fly half Jonathan Sexton wrote his name all over the match, how typical of Wagge to gate-crash with that crucial try for Leinster.

THE lack of self-awareness within Murrayfield is amazing. Perhaps they have been taking spin-doctoring lessons from Alastair Campbell - a man whose contribution to Rugby Union as press officer for the 2005 Lions was, well shite, says it all really.

The SRU media department put-out a press release following Mark Bennett's decision to join the Clermont Auvergne Academy, which gave the impression he had somehow emerged from a laboratory deep within Murrayfield, dedicated to producing Scottish internationals.

The gist of the release was how Bennett had come through the SRU's Pathway programme and the Scottish Age Group system and what a succcess this had been. No mention of the hard work of guys such as Harry Reilly, Morton Houston and Steve Miller - not forgetting Mark's dad, at Cumnock. Ignore the contribution of Jock Craig, Kenny Murray and the team at Ayr, who backed this brilliant youngster's promise by playing him in the first team all season - no, it was all Murrayfield's doing. Aye Right.

Maybe, if Murrayfield would give the professional clubs a bit more leeway and make them totems for the Districts, if they would put a bit more into the top of the club game, we would not be losing outstanding young talent such as Mark to foreign climes. Certainly, if I was a promising young Scot, having seen what has happened to the likes of Alex Blair, I would think twice about turning professional in Scotland.

ONE player who has turned full-time this week is Ayr prop Gordon Reid, and I had to laugh at the strap line over the story in The Scotsman. This referred to Reid as "a late developer". He's 24 and he's a loose-head prop. At that age he's barely out of nappies; but, he's packed a lot of First Division experience into his short career and, with Chunk maybe thinking about quitting after the World Cup - Reidy is the right age to maybe kick-on to add a full cap to his Club XV ones. The fight for the number one jersey at Glasgow in the new season will be keen.

Magnificent Sevens

I AM in my seventh decade of involvement in rugby. I was hooked by Arthur Smith's try in the win over Wales which terminated our terrible run of defeats; Jimmy Greenwood playing on with a shattered shoulder against Ireland showed me the courage it takes to play internationally; I wanted to be Ken Scotland; I played against Gordon Brown, Al McHarg and Gordon Strachan at school; I witnessed "the greatest conversion since St Paul", roared Alan Lawson home with a lot less detachment than did his father-in-law; I have caroused with Gavin Hastings, John Jeffery and Co - marvelled at Jonah Lomu; shouted "Gerritrightupyouse" and Will Carling and assorted white-shirted farts; come to realise Brian Moore isn't Satan incarnate and met living legends such as Barry John, Gareth Edwards, Mike Gibson and Willie John McBride.

Now, as I contemplate retirement, I fear rugby is going to hell in a handcart - unless we address such fundamentals as a law book which has become unworkable, a strain of laissez faire refereeing which is threatening the game as a spectacle and a consciousness in the professional game which will, unless curbed, take us down the dark road which football has followed.

Rugby, the game, remains great, but crisis time is fast approaching and I fear we do not have the minds within the game to divert rugby away from potential disaster.

I thought it was only in Scotland that we had given the inmates the keys to the asylum - when I survey the self-serving time-servers in so many leading Murrayfield roles. Then I watch the mess the English are making of appointing a Performance Director and realise - we are not alone.

But, it is not all doom and gloom.

Take Rugby Sevens becoming an Olympic sport from 2016. This single action could well be the making of the game. However, the trick, which the IRB will require to pull-off, and here I must say I doubt if they have the savvy to do it, is to make Sevens a popular world-wide Olympic sport, without it overwhelming the true 15-a-side game. Cricket is struggling to maintain the integrity of five-day Test cricket as the true game, in the face of Twenty20 and the mega-rich Indian League. Rugby could face the same dilmema in respect of Sevens.

But, now it is an Olympic sport, on top of its popularity in the Commonwealth Games, Sevens may well be rugby's future. After all, it shows-off the game's better points, the athleticism of the strike runners, the contest for possession at the break-down, the tackling, the aerial ballet at the touch lines, without some of the core ingredients so-beloved of the true believers, but which turn-off the non-believers.

That's why all the concerns about funding the Scotland Sevens squad have to be addressed - this is the game's future and we have to be involved. But, can the SRU come up with sensible, workable solutions? That's the question.

AS I wrote above, I've got a lot of time for Brian Moore - just as I had a lot of time for Jimmy Hill - which perhaps makes me unique in Scotland. 'Pit Bull' is one of the more-sensible sporting commentators around today and always worth reading.

His Monday take on Richard Cockerill, the Leicester coach, who is apparently England's answer to Neil Lennon, except without the red-hair and with added obnoxious qualities was a masterly analysis - would that some of my friends in the Scottish Football Writing fraternity could be as incisive and insightful (rather than inciting) on little Lennie.

Time To Cull The Rupert

FOR the benefit of those readers who never served Queen and Country - a "Rupert" is a public school-educated officer in a Scottish regiment. These chaps, quite often Anglo-Scots attracted amazing degrees of loyalty from their "Jocks", who would, so the "Ruperts" would tell ladies at cocktail parties in English shires, London salons and the shooting lodges of Perthshire: "follow me anywhere".

At the same time, in the public bars of Glasgow and in assorted farming and mining villages or in the textile towns of the Borders, the self-same Jocks were assuring their civvie pals: they had only followed the "Ruperts" out of some morbid fascination and to discover which particular heap of shite they would be required to fight their way out off.

As I survey the state of Scottish rugby in 2011, I sometimes ask myself - with the contraction of our army, have the "Ruperts" all signed-up for the SRU rather than the HLI, KOSB and so-forth?

There are some good guys at Murrayfield - just not many and not enough. I thought perhaps it was maybe simply the natural disdain of the journalist for the people we are dealing with, until I bought Ian McGeechan's autobiography 'Lion Man' and virtually read it in a single sitting.

'Geech' has been there, done that, got the t-shirt, the DVD, the medals, the knighthood. One wonders what this Yorkshire-born son of an Argyll and Sutherland Highlander from Govan might have made of the English rugby team.

Considering, on the back of a year or two in Corstorphine as a primary school boy, Clive Woodward won England a World Cup - what might McGeechan's mix of Govan gallusness and Yorkshire bloody-mindedness have done for the world's most-popular sporting villains?

What might McGeechan have made of a Scottish football team - a Leeds upbringing on top of Govan genes - that's one potent mix. He did a not-bad job on Scottish rugby and the McGeechan-Telfer coaching team would, I warrant, give even Clough and Taylor or Shankly and Paisley a run for their money.

Reading 'Lion Man' one thing struck me - he has the scars to remind him - but he is clearly no fan of the way Murrayfield has handled professional rugby.

McGeechan moved on in disgust. Telfer was happy to get out and into retirement. Andy Irvine has happily gone off to concentrate on the Lions. Peter Brown was rejected, ditto Findlay Calder. John Jeffery is largely side-lined, similarly Gavin Hastings. Jim Aitken and David Sole they don't let inside the door. David Leslie's health probably isn't up to the demands which would be asked. That's an impressive pile of side-lined knowledge and talent.

Ian McLauchlan, hopefully, has one year left in which to try to sort out a real mess - if wee Beastie cannot put things right - I shudder and fear for the future.

We simply MUST sort-out Murrayfield, quickly. Let's cull the Ruperts - NOW.

Talk To Them - Now

WELL done London Scottish, on gaining promotion to the English Championship - the level below the English Premiership. Back in the day, a strong Scottish meant a strong Scottish and I trust my old mate Al McHarg's head is getting back to normal this morning, after a wee swally in celebration.

Now, however, Scottish's problems will begin, not least because, in the professional game in England, there is a rule which decrees that a certain percentage of a team's squad must be "England-qualified". This might compromise the potential which Scottish's promotion offers Scottish rugby for having additional professional players, playing in British rugby. I dare say, though, there will be a sufficiently-high number of competent Scottish employment law-specialist lawyers in the City of London, able to drive a horse and cart through that ruling, as being racially-aggravated or something.

Another potential fly in the ointment is the fact that Scottish and the SRU haven't always, in spite of the club having sent north an impressive number of Scottish internationalists and SRU "blazers", seen eye-to-eye politically. What's good for Scottish hasn't always been good for the SRU and vice versa.

But, and I'm not holding my breath given the paucity of intellectual giants within Murrayfield, IF Richmond and Murrayfield could find common purpose - it would be win-win for Scottish rugby.

I SEE Chris Cusiter is off to Australia for a summer, to get match-sharp before the World Cup. We may be light in other areas, but Scotland has enviable strength-in-depth at the base of the scrum, with Chris, Mike Blair and Rory Lawson and if necessary Greig Laidlaw, who has developed into a terrific all-purpose half-back. However, I feel, with a fully-fit Cusiter snapping at the pack's heels, we would be better-off than with any of his competitors, fine players though they are.

Chris has had a good break from playing, I hope he goes well in New Zealand in the World Cup.

GOOD piece by Ian Morrison on the appointment of Michael Bradley as the new Edinburgh coach in yesterday's Scotland on Sunday. Obviously the SRU cannot take Ian's caps off him, or delete him from the list of internationalists - but I reckon if he isn't already off the Murrayfield Christmas card list, his deletion will not be too-long delayed.

Well said that man.

Mark My Words - This Kid's Good

THE Gospel according to Alan Hansen reads: "You win nothing with kids". Aye right - as Alex Ferguson said as he blooded Beckham, Butt,Giggs, Scholes and Co. But, apparently only at Old Trafford is it possible to bring together bunches of kids and win.

Golden rules for football do not necessarily cross borders to apply in rugby and certainly, because of the fact that rugby is all about possession and to win the forward battle in rugby you need mature bodies - it is fair to say that, in rugby: you win nothing with kids.

However, kids, particularly in the backs, can make rugby more-exciting, particularly if such kids come blessed with that uncoachable element - genuine pace. In a club rugby sense, young Mark Bennett certainly possesses genuine pace. Whether that pace is sufficient for the higher and harsher grounds of the Magner's League, we will start to find out tonight at Royal Dublin Showgrounds.

I must admit, I'd have loved to have seen Mark facing BOD, as God is known in the Emerald Isle, but, that is not to be. I wish the kid well, not that I think he will need good luck or good wishes - this teenager is the real deal.

In fact, with Duncan Weir at stand-off, we might well be seeing the future of Scottish rugby for the first time - factor in the highly-rated Harry Leonard of Boroughmuir and Edinburgh, currently off for six months of intense grooming in New Zealand - as the medium term replacement for Graeme Morrison and there is cause for optimism.

The problem is, the Hansen view seems to hold sway in Scotland. We do tend to be suspicious of kids, even kids with Bennett's potential. Let's be brave, move heaven and earth and keep young Mark with Glasgow - but PLAY him. It's not as if Glasgow will win things;Glasgow and Edinburgh are rapidly becoming finishing schools from which the English and French clubs with bigger budgets will cherrypick their next signings.

Therefore, if Glasgow trust in young Mark, give him game time, as a starter rather than as an impact or clock-running-down substitute, and watch Scotland benefit.

BACK in prehistoric times, when rucking was real and, in fact, you HAD to play the ball with a foot before it could emerge from rucks, I made my club debut, aged 15, as hooker in my club's 2nd XV. I was a good deal smaller than I am today, but still, I was only 15.

I had great protection from a front five of two huge polis, my older brother and a gnarled veteran who hewed coal at the face from Monday to Friday, so I survived, learned the black arts and got a terrific free education in forward play.

In time, as I grew, I played anywhere in the front five and occasionally at number eight. I have always felt I was lucky to have such an easy introduction to the club game, protected as I was by some great colleagues.

My grandson is now 15; he's six foot three and probably weighs as much as I did then, although I was six inches shorter. He has no chance of playing for the same club's 2nd XV. In some ways this is a good thing - on health and safety grounds and I cannot argue that the demands made on a teenaged hooker, operating between two experienced props and with a massive boiler-house pairing behind him are different from those facing a young, slim and still-growing lock, so, we are making progress.

Before he can play even Under-18 rugby, my grandson will have to pass the SRU's strength test; this is a good thing - except, nobody can tell me exactly what the perameters are: what will be asked of him. Come-on SRU, clarify matters. And while they are at it, can someone tell me what the qualifying date is for the various age groups. I think he is, because of his date of birth, eligible for another year at Under-16, but cannot find out for sure. This too needs clarifying.

I HAVE been enjoying myself these past few days, speculating on what may happen to the club game the season after next, 2012-13, when, if the sensible proposals being put before the SRU annual meeting next month are, as they ought to be, carried - we will see the birth of a genuine pyramid system in Scottish rugby.

Being a West of Scotland boy, I am particularly interested in what might happen, if we have - as has been mooted by the Season Structure Working Party (SSWP) just 20 national league teams: ten Premiership teams, ten National League teams; under-pinned by two x ten-club Championship divisions - East and West, with regionalisation below that.

It's how the likes of the West Region will be organised which fascinates me. I can see linear rather than vertical organisation being preferable - a South West Region covering Ayrshire, Dumfries and Galloway, producing some fierce local derbies and great rugby. Likewise the Glasgow and Renfrewshire clubs could produce some fierce and enjoyable rugby, while Lanarkshire and its environs will also see somecracking local encounters. Far better than region-wide vertical boundaries.

The future seems bright - if the very sensible suggestions of the SSWP go through - but, there's the rub.

Don't Shoot The Messenger

IN MY last post, I was fairly harsh on young Andrew McMenemy, after his poor performance as referee of the Ayr v Currie Premiership A match. Today I wish to congratulate Andrew on being chosen to referee the British & Irish Cup Final between Bristol and Bedford.

I hope he does well; he probably will, having got the bad game out of his system.

I was puzzled on Monday to receive an e-mail from Murrayfield, taking me to task about my comments re Andrew's refereeing. OK, it appears I and most of the crowd, missed a yellow card for a Currie player; but if the referee doesn't make it clear that he is yellow-carding someone, there is a chance it will be missed, when a string of substitutions are being made at the same time.

But, my point in raising this is, rather than the SRU petulantly having a go at a single journalist, whose views on one game they disagree with, shouldn't they be sorting-out their own referees. Scotland's whistlers are well down the international pecking order these days and given the standard of some of the Irish and Welsh guys we have to thole in Magners League games and internationals, if we cannot get guys onto the big games, we've got a problem.

Mind you, Peter Allen probably, single-handedly set back the cause of Scottish refereeing some five years in the Wales v Ireland game - making our problem that bit worse.

GOOD luck Michael Bradley - you're gonna need it, now you've landed the Edinburgh job. Bradley didn't exactly set the heather on fire with Connacht, so it's not as if his appointment has excited the natives in Edinburgh. Could anything excite the natives in the capital?

Interesting suggestion from Ian Morrison in Sunday's Scotland on Sunday, floating the idea of asking the Royal Highland if they might co-operate with the SRU in sticking a rugby pitch onto the main arena at Ingliston as an alternative home for Edinburgh. This plan has real merit and I hope someone takes it further.

JUST a thought on the proposal to make every division below National League One a regional one from next season - if this happens, shouldn't we think of re-introducing inter-district rugby as a means of allowing those players with regional league teams who might have the potential for higher things to show what they can do. Such a competition would I feel become even more significant come 2012/13, when the number of teams playing in truly-national rather than regional leagues decreases again. We have to create and keep open a pathway to the top. In fact, rather than going inter-district, I'd rather go inter-county.

The Counties Championship, which staggered along for a few years in the late eighties, early nineties, largely ignored by Murrayfield, was a terrific competition, killed-off by not quite publicly-admitted distaste from Murrayfield.

Murrayfield - You Have A Problem

IT HAS been said that you have to have half a brain missing to become a referee. Be that as it may, you certainly have to be something of a masochist to put up with the abuse which comes with arbitrating on a rugby match. Refereeing is best left, I feel to retired forwards or scrum halves and putting a whistle to one's lips ought not to be contemplated before one's 30th birthday.

So what are we to make of today's fashion for ever-younger match officials such as Wayne Barnes, New Zealand's favourite Englishman or our own Andrew Macpherson and Andrew McMenemy?

As my alter ego: Socrates MacSporran, has said of football's Willie Collum - a man who even as a teenaged schoolboy wanted to be a football referee - that is surely the ultimate example of a mis-spent childhood. Ditto then for messrs Macpherson and McMenemy.

Young McMenemy was supposed to be in charge of Ayr v Currie on Saturday. He never really was; throughout the 80 minutes this was a free-for-all about to break out and if the players, mostly, listened to his whistle - he can never be said to have been completely in charge.

This was a shame, for Ayr v Currie games are never less than meaty affairs, full-blooded even match-ups, played with no quarter asked nor given, but always in the right spirit.

They need strong, even-handed officials and on these two crucial counts, McMenemy let himself and the game down on Saturday. The most-crucial element in a good referee's arsenal is consistency. Players will always push the boundaries, but, they will accept the referee's censure, provided it is consistently given.

On Saturday, McMenemy was quick to spot and punish Ayr's infringements, but would let Currie off with commiting exactly the same offence. Ayr were repeatedly pinged for infringing at the offside line; if Currie were also, I must have missed it and on a couple of occasions at the breakdown, I am sure Ayr scrum half AJ Macfarlane's pass away went behind the back of a Currie player to stand off Richard McCallum.

I have no complaints about the first two Ayr yellow cards, other than to say, when a player is pushed to retaliate and gets a yellow, it's a poor referee who doesn't also punish the opponent who caused the retaliation.

But the third Ayr yellow card, when replacement winger Cammy Taylor took a right hook to the jaw and got a yellow card for his troubles - on several Ayrshire junior football grounds, sending off a home team player for that would have guaranteed the referee a bed in either Ayr or Crosshouse A&E.

One weel-kent former Ayr and Scotland squad player was so-incensed by the refereeing, he is penning a letter to Murrayfield. Aye, not one for Andrew McMenemy's scrap book.

We Scots wonder why we haven't got a referee on the IRB's elite list - maybe it's because those we have got are shite - and it's time Murrayfield started doing something about it. Get the IRB's top men in, to hold workshops and what not, or to assess game management, but, sort it out, you have a problem.

That said - Currie deserved to win and must be ruing their poor start to the season. If they had started as they had finished, their title would surely have been retained and they have a terrific squad at Malleny Park who will be at the top for a year or two yet.

I would like to say the same about Ayr. They have a marvellous off-field set-up, with president Billy McHarg, Director of Rugby Jock Craig and man-for-all-seasons Norrie Lymburn and Co deserving of the highest praise for their management of the club.

Kenny Murray is one of Scotland's brightest and best young coaches and he has some terrific, still-young and promising talent at his disposal, under-pinned by a youth set-up which is the envy of many.

However, Saturday marked the farewells of Damien Kelly and Glen Tippett, two anitpodean pillars of the club's recent success. I fear that, like Rangers post-John Greig, Celtic post-Billy McNeill and Aberdeen post-Fergie - there will maybe be a slight dip.

Skippy Kelly, in particular, not only for his iconic presence as an on-field rallying point, but also through his unheralded development work round local schools, will be a huge figure to replace. Tippett will still be around in his role with the SRU and he will now have Stuart Fenwick in Kelly's old role. But, the club will need to recruit a big hulking lock to do Skippy's hard yards on the park.

Rumour has it that James Eddie is joining-up to reinforce the back row and he will certainly grind-out the hard yards. Certainly Ayr's qualification for the British & Irish Cup will help their recruitment drive but getting the right guys in is never a given.

Behind the scrum they will surely have to replace Mark Bennett, who is headed for higher things, while a reliable place kicker is another must. It will be interesting to see what Ayr's estimable antipodean recruitment team come up with, to assist in the development of some of their younger players such as Robbie Fergusson and Mark Beckwith.

Glasgow Hawks are also keen to turn the Big Three into a Big Four. Gone are the days when there was a laissez faire attitude to the game at Old Anniesland - next season promises to be a very interesting one for our top clubs and you can guarantee, a lot of hard work will be put in over the summer to guarantee this.

I can hardly wait.

Status Quo - Side Two

AS I was saying in my last post (scroll down and you'll see), Scottish rugby stands on the cusp of a new system which just might work - but only if everyone, clubs and Union, gets their act together. If they do, we could be set for a brighter future.

There was an interesting piece by young Ferguson in The Scotsman this morning, about London Scottish, the awkward cousin of Scottish rugby. Scottish has been a major player within the SRU for well over a century and certainly, in the amateur days a move to Richmond Athletic Ground was often the final step before a first cap - then came that fatal flirtation with professionalism, which went tits-up and the grand old club was demoted nine divisions.

But, they've fought back and are now two games away from promotion to English rugby's Championship, the level below the Premiership. I hope they make it and if they do, this offers a welcome lifeline to the SRU, as, if they can co-operate properly with the Scottish officials, they could not only get more Scots into the English Premiership as players, but, maybe unearth some additional sponsorship.

It is not perhaps fully appreciated up here just how high-up some Scottish members are in that complex organism "the City", but, like old-time mafioso - the Scottish guys are "connected", in their case to serious money.

Wee aside here, I heard the tale of one Watsonian who was: "something in the city" and whose Saturday afternoon relaxation from making billions was to trot along to Richmond to socialise with Hamish, Douglas, Hector, Lachlan and the other Edinburgh boys who controlled so much of the money awash in the square mile.

Our Watsonian was not only big in London Scottish, he was an elder at St Columba's Pont Street and on the executive of "the London Scottish", THE club for exiles in the Sudetenland - in other words, he was a major capo in the Scotia Nostra.

He got a call a couple of nights before the LS Burns Supper, from the High Heid Yin, telling him he had placed "Alex" a friend from Manchester at his table at the event and would he look after him.

On the night, "Alex from Manchester" was introduced to the Watsonian, who immediately showed his lack of interest in events outwith rugby and the city by asking "Alex": "Tell me Mr Ferguson, what exactly do you do up in Manchester".

If London Scottish RFC and through them the SRU can really get guys like our Watsonian on-side, get more good young Scots into top-flight professional rugby and maybe syphon-off some city millions, I'd say it was win-win all round for the game.

So, it's everyone behind Scottish in their push back to the top.

I'm off to Millbrae today for the final match in what has been, a good season for the club game - Ayr v Currie. The match isn't that important, but I hope Ayr get a good crowd to say farewell to Damien "Skippy" Kelly, their iconic captain, who plays his final game before returning to Australia next week.

He's been good for Ayr and good for Scottish rugby, he will leave a great gaping hole, filling it will be a major task for Jock Craig, Billy McHarg and Kenny Murray, the three wise men of Alloway.

Status Quo - Rocking On

I LIKE it - that's my snap reaction to the proposals for league reconstruction which have been announced this morning. Of course, announcing them and implementing them are two entirely different things, but, this, to me, is the way ahead.

I particularly like the proposals for a much smaller truly National League from season 2012-13, but accept that one will be harder to sell. The trouble with Scottish Rugby has long been, there are some clubs which seem to believe they have a divine right to be "top" clubs and will do all they can, except maybe work harder on the park, to remain thus.

For instance 19 of the top 32 clubs in the last season of the old Unoffical Championship - season 1972-73, are still top 32 clubs today; 5 of the top 12 clubs in that season were top 12 this season and 8 of the top 16 clubs in 1973 are top 16 clubs this season. It would almost leave you alongside Burns's Holy Wullie in the ranks of the believers in pre-destination.

The top 32 in the final Unofficial Championship, in descending order, were: Boroughmuir, Gala, Hawick, Langholm, Jordanhill, Edinburgh Wanderers, Watsonians, West of Scotland, Dunfermline, Glasgow HSFP, Gordonians, Melrose, Leith Accies, Ayr, Glasgow Accies, Hillhead HSFP, Kelso, Selkirk, Edinburgh Accies, Trinity Accies, Hutchesons, Jedforest, Broughton FP, Heriot's FP, Musselburgh, Perthshire, Aberdeen GSFP, Royal HSFP, Kelvinside Accies, Edinburgh University, Stewart's College FP and Glasgow University.

Now, I know the unofficial championship was decided on a per-centage of points won basis and that not every team played every other team; but, you couldn't finish high up the table without playing a good few of the teams around you.

From that final pre official leagues season, we have lost Langholm, Edinburgh Wanderers, Leith Accies, Trinity Accies, Broughton FP, Royal High and the two Universities. Glasgow HSFP, Accies and Kelvinside Accies are now part of the Hawks set-up, Hillhead and Jordanhill have combined, Hutchesons is now part of GHA while Stewart's have since combined with Melville College FP.

So, in 38 seasons of official leagues, only Currie, Dundee HSFP, Stirling County, Peebles, Biggar, Falkirk, Kirkcaldy, Whitecraigs, Hamilton, Ardrossan Accies, Cartha-Queen's Park, Howe of Fifre, Dalziel, Haddington and Morgan of the current top 32 have come through the ranks. There have been other clubs who have enjoyed varying lengths of exposure to the top flight - Kilmarnock had a lengthy spell vying with, and often out-performing near-neighbours Ayr, the likes of Portobello FP and Wigtownshire rose and fell like Guy Fawkes rockets; Highland enjoyed a spell in the sun.

Near-neighbours Broughton FP, Leith Accies and Trinity Accies are now playing in the East League and common sense if not history might suggest an amalgamation would better serve rugby in that part of the capital, but, by and large the face of Scottish club rugby has not changed all that much since the days before official leagues. The other clubs to drop out of our 1973 table are all still National League clubs, or are amalgamated into "new" clubs who hold that status.

However, it will surely change more than ever if (one shudders to say when) the new proposals for fewer clubs competing nationally comes in in 2012.

A few national league teams, under-pinned by a lot of regional league sides strikes me as the ideal way forward. Something similar exists in Scottish hockey and that works.

Now, if the SRU could get the finances sorted out once and for all and start developing modern stadia, a lot smaller than Murrayfield, which could be used by the national league clubs and also by the two professional clubs, I could really see Scottish rugby flourishing - except, the lone-established Scottish trait of fighting amongst ourselves when we don't have external enemies (usually English) to fight with, could still derail progress.