It's All About Baics

I HAD lunch this week in a hotel, owned and ran very well by a former Glasgow District XV stand-off, a qualified pe teacher who coached at a private school in the West of Scotland with an excellent reputation for producing good players, including one or two current Warriors/Scotland squad men.

He reckoned that, had his school XV produced even half the handling errors and shown the basic naievity Scotland's backs demonstrated in Cardiff, they'd have been on the training pitch all week, until they got it right.

Mine host - a bit of a rugby fanatic who admits to spending far-too-much of his increasingly rare spare time watching rugby either live or on-line or on the box mentioned viewing the entire Samoa v All Blacks final in the latest IRB Sevens final on tv.

"Twenty minutes of non-stop, fast-paced sevens, and not a single handling error, while there wasn't a single pass of the type de Luca gave Hogg for the try we didn't get - and how well Hogg did to take that pass", was his spiel.

"Why cannot we do that"?

Why indeed - where are we going wrong?

I HEARD from an old school friend of over 50-years standing this week. He and his good lady are returning to Scotland after many years of solid missionary work in the Midlands.

He's 65, still refereeing at a lower level every week and he's so-highly-regarded, not to say fit: "because I'm cheap and available" that he gets some good-quality school and youth games from his County Rugby Union and has received a RFU award for his services to rugby.

He has a promise of a final game in the middle, in a match involving the club which he and I joined together on leaving school - then, he will hang-up his whistle.

This guy, with his experience of English refereeing and his background would make an ideal recruit to the refereeing community in Scotland, as a mentor to young officials - I'll be having a word in the (hopefully) right ears.

YOU have to laugh at the English, they cannot help but tinker, they have no concept of long-term planning, they cannot leave well alone.

England won the 2011 Six Nations without playing well, in fact, it was as much a case of the other five not playing well as of them doing so which got them there, as maybe the best of a not-very-good bunch.

This, in the eyes of the English media, made them potential World Cup winners, but, that was before they discovered, chariots don't handle New Zealand conditions too well.

Embarrassment, a disaster, usual witch-hunt, massive changes.

Let's be honest, whilst having to travel wasn't ideal, a Six Nations which begins Scotland, then Italy, is a gift to any new coach. Better that, particularly with two away games, than France, then Wales. So, in that respect, Stuart Lancaster and his new side got lucky.

They did nothing against us - we should have won, but, they defended magnificently, showed undreamt of discipline and then went to Rome, where I fancied they could come un-stuck, to make it two wins from two.

You'd think the Saxons would be happy. Not great attacking performances, but two from two, with a young team, something to build on.

But no, they want changes - bring back some of the New Zealand failures, play with more verve and vim. I've got news for these boys, England doesn't do verve and vim well, never has, never will.

The Six Nations in 2012, 2013 or 2014 don't really matter - sure, winning would be nice. But, what matters is 2015 and the World Cup, in England. If, they are to replicate 1966, this is their best bet.

England's football team in 1962 was fairly average, eighth in that year's World Cup - then they appointed a new coach. They were if anything worse in 1963, not much better in 1964, improved a little in 1965, then unbeatable in 1966.

Maybe Mr Lancaster should say: "I am confident we can win the World Cup in 2015", and treat the press with disdain between now and then.

It worked for Sir Alf.

Who's The Mason Wi The Odd-Shaped Balls

WHEN I was still playing, back in the days of real rucking, double-banked lines out, the ball being put straight down the middle of the tunnel at the scrum, where two hookers actually tried to hook the ball, there was a local referee who had delusions of adequacy.

He actually thought he was capable of refereeing at international level and was prepared to move heaven and earth to get there. You knew, if you had him in a game when you were playing Glasgow Accies or Glasgow HSFP, Edinburgh Accies, Heriot's, Watsonians or any of the Borders giants - the establishment clubs of the time - you'd get nothing from him - he'd bend over backwards to create a good impression with the clubs who had clout at Murrayfield.

A fat lot of good it did him, because, he simply wasn't good enough - but, it happened then and to my mind it is still happening. Some teams are more-equal than others in the eyes of the referees.

I have had another, long look at the BBC footage of Sunday's game in Cardiff. OK, all our mistakes were punished - but - we didn't follow Jock Stein's maxim from his years as Celtic manager, at a time when John Greig would have to have killed Jimmy Johnstone to get a red card (and only at Parkhead - never at Ibrox).

The Big Man always insisted, that with referees you knew were dodgy, (the fabled Masonic conspiracy), the idea was to play well enough to take them out of the equation. That's what Scotland has not been doing internationally. Aside from this, there is another conspiracy theory which I have. The two Six Nations teams which get the fewest good breaks and the most bad breaks from officials' decisions are Italy and Scotland - the two which don't have a referee on the elite international panel.

Roman Poitre, who I honestly don't rate as a referee - had a stinker at Cardiff, but, he was to me, clearly a Homer.

The missed Roberts knock-on in the build-up to the De Luca sin-binning.

The "no try" and worse no referral to the TMO for the Hogg "try".

The deliberate knocking the ball out of Chunk's hands.

The way half the Welsh pack were allowed to lie on the Scottish side of the breakdown without penalty.

The blatant Welsh forward passes.

The way the Welsh defence was permanently offside.

There was a pattern there of one-sided decision-making, which was even worse than that exhibited by George Clancy in the Calcutta Cup match.

I reckon referees know they can ping Scotland for the least wee thing and get away with it, since there are no Scottish referees who could ping their country in return.

I have said for yonks now, poor refereeing at the highest level is rugby's Achilles Heel; we do badly need an overhaul of the laws, but, more-importantly we need officials who will - fairly and without favour - enforce the laws we have.

Sadly, under the useless Mr O'Brien - we don't have that. He ought to go and take the useless refs such as Poitre and Clancy with him.

We Can Win In Wales

AN FORWARD, though ah canna see - ah guess and fear. Today, we are all Robert Burns, as we look forward to tomorrow's Wales v Scotland match in Cardiff.

To my colleagues who get to cover top professional rugby, Wales are the flavour of the month: a young, exciting team, full of huge, powerful but skilled players; well-coached, playing at home and with the hwyl of the massed ranks of the Taffia behind them.

Except, I reckon we've got the better pack; I particularly think our back five is massively better than their equivalents in the Welsh pack. The outcome may depend on how our much-maligned back division fires, which puts a lot of added pressure on first-time starter Greig Laidlaw.

We won in Cardiff against the odds in 1962; we won in somewhat similar circumstances in 1982 and in 2002. This points 2 a possible Scotland victory. Who will be our Roger Baird, running ball out of his own 22 to spark one of the great length of the park tries? Can some big lumbering forward mirror Frans ten Bos in 1962, with the try which leads to victory?

I don't know, I just have a feeling we will score more points than Wales (you never "beat" them, you only score more points). At least, Clancy isn't in-charge tomorrow.

WITH all the focus on the Six Nations this weekend, and I sincerely hope that, should Italy win in Rome today - and that's a possibility, the English media mafia lay-off new coach Stuart Lancaster and  his men.

In truth, England were little better than rank rotten at Murrayfield. They offered little or nothing in attack, but, fair dos, their defence was awesome, they took their few chances and their discipline at the break-down was fantastic. On these positives they can build.

What they cannot do, however, is survive the usual English mind set - "We are England, we have a divine right to win at cricket, football and rugby and to not win is unacceptable".

Italy to edge it for me then, with France likely to beat the Irish in a monumental clash, before Scotland upsets the odds and Wales tomorrow.

I WAS due to cover Glasgow v Scarlets on Thursday night, but had to cry-off shortly before kick-off. I gather I missed a curate's egg of a performance from the fit-again Ruaridch Jackson; when he was good he was very good, but he had some groan-inducing moments. Still, Glasgow won so their fringe players are obviously coming-on.

I watched the Edinburgh v Ospreys game on BBC Alba. Once again that old Scottish bugbear, a failure to complete in the opposition red zone, came back to haunt Edinburgh.

One thing I did deduce is - the Welsh clubs cheat so much better than we do. We've been saying for years, our guys are not street-wise enough (shorthand for good-enough cheats). It's time we caught-up in this facet of the professional game.

But, I have to say, the exposure the fringe guys have been getting in the RBS Premier One games and for many, in the British & Irish Cup ties, is starting to pay dividends for our pro teams.



Wooden Spoon Here We Come

OK - I think I have just about calmed down and can now reflect on the first weekend of Six Nations 2012 without, every five seconds screaming: "Dan Fucking Parks must go". So, where do I see us finishing-up come mid-March? Sadly the answer to that is: Wooden spoon again.

Quite simply, we've forgotten how to score tries and until we re-learn this seemingly lost art, we are going nowhere. We might, dependant on which French team turn up, win our only other home game, but, win in Cardiff and Dublin - no chance; win in Rome - I doubt it very much.

So, what do we do? We could always bring in the kids - Stuart Hogg, Duncan Weir and so on and at the same time be honest with the public - announce clearly, mean it and stick to it - these kids will play, even if they mess-up badly, they will be given this season to try to gel and take us forward. We are playing the long game towards 2015, we will lose as many as we win, but, by then we will be competitive.

Such honesty might work.

DOES the IRB really care about rugby? I ask because, after the weekend, I am more-concerned than ever about the governing body's attitude to refereeing and the correct implementation of the laws. Take the two dump tackles in the Ireland v Wales game; to me both were red card offences and if the man the Sheep Worriers still refer to as: "That English bar steward Barnes" couldn't see that - then he's an even worse referee than the useless bar steward I had him down as.

One other wee thing - I won't go on about the crooked scrum feeds and the mess which is the set scrum in general, clearly the High Command has told Field Marshal O'Brien and his men to ignore proper stewardship of such areas - when is a referee going to do something about the cheap shot after a try is scored?

In Dublin, Jonathan Davies went over for a superb Welsh try, one produced by that marvellous "Toony Flip" from George North to the scorer (to digress, why cannot Toony teach a couple of Scottish three-quarters to do this?) but, as he touched down, one of the Irish back row clipped him as he dived.

Now Davies had already covered some ten yards inside the in-goal area, he was merely getting as close as possible to the posts; the Irish guy went in feet-first, there was no effort to tackle Davies into touch-in-goal, it was a cynical cheap shot. Why didn't Barnes pull him up? Red card, at the very least a yellow - re-start with a penalty to Wales from half-way.

A couple of such decisions and this obscenity would soon stop.

Mind you, Barnes might possibly have, once the TMO ruled: "no try", given Scotland the penalty which they didn't get after Greig Laidlaw was denied his Murrayfield "try" - George Clancy was never going to give Scotland that one.

I told an English friend they would win at Murrayfield, since Scotland would butcher umpteen line breaks - which we did. But, I sensed England would win, because Clancy was the referee.



Send Him Homeward - And Don't Think Twice About It

NOW will you listen Robinson - FFS, after what I have just suffered my way through - the 2012 Calcutta Cup match, THERE IS NO FUCKING WAY THAT TWAT DAN PARKS SHOULD EVER GET NEAR A SCOTLAND TEAM AGAIN.

To have such an imbalance in possession, both ball and territorial, and to lose is criminal. Once again we watched Scotland players go through phase after phase, in the opposition 22, only to drop the ball, fluff an off-load, fail to take a pass, pick the wrong option - it was the same old same old; ach, after the past few years, we are used to it - to seeing guys who are so confident and incisive in their club colours play like a bunch of fannies when they get into the Scotland strip.

We know it will happen; we hope it will not; we wonder when we are going to have players who can do the basics. It's frustrating, but, it's normal.

But, we always have, up until today, felt that, for all his other, many failings, Parks at least could be relied on to kick well. Not today he couldn't. Even before that horrible, unbelieveable boob which allowed Charlie Hodgson to score England's try, I was pleading to the TV for Parks to be replaced. Eventually, my pleas were answered, but, far too late.

I have half a mind to write to Ian McLauchlan, insisting we send Parks back to Australia on a one-way ticket, and ban him from Scotland for life. If Fred the Shred can be a token victim of public outrage, so too should Parks.

As I've said, the poor execution of the basics we are used to - and can only hope that some day, it is sorted out.

Finally, though he was by no means as bad as he has been when refereeing Scotland games before, as ever, we got no help from George Fucking Clancy. I absolve him and the TVO from any blame for Greig Laidlaw's "try" not being given. It was too-close a call to make. That said: the unawarded try happened during a free ball, Clancy was playing advantage to Scotland and when that advantage didn't bring a try - surely he ought to have restarted play with a penalty to Scotland, rather than the drop-out to England he did.

As ever, he gave every 50-50 call to England, but, that single decision was by far his worst. We might well have found some other way to lose, but, a successful penalty, a three-point game and some momentum to Scotland, who knows, we might well have won.

Any way, good luck to England; they defended well, they were far-more disciplined than past England teams have been and they've got a win under their belts. Even if that win came courtesy of some gifts from us.

Save Robbo From Himself - Bring Back Selectors

YESTERDAY, I mentioned Brian Moore's belief that Andy Robinson is a good coach, but a poor selector. I agree with the Pit Bull, and apparently we are not alone in holding this opinion.

So, what do we do about it? Well,what's wrong with re-introducing a selection committee? The fct is, whether chosen by 7 or 57 Old Farts, or by a Head Coach or Team Manager, Scotland's performances in Five or Six Nations tournaments have, over the history of international rugby, been fairly consistent.

We lose more than we win - we have good years, bad years and indifferent years. We haven't had a Golden Age, when we were the team to beat, since the 1920s and we can just as easily be reckoned to be ready to fall flat on our faces in Rome as we are to beat the English at Murrayfield.

We seldom win in London, Paris and Cardiff; anyone who tries to predict the outcome of a meeting between Scotland and Ireland is risking ridicule, so why bother.

Better perhaps to lock Messrs F Calder, D Sole and J Jeffery in a room (perhaps with G Hastings or J Rutherford as advisers on matters behind the scrum, and not let them out until they have come up with a 22-man squad, which they then hand over to Andy Robinson.

That idea worked in the past just as well as handing all power to one man has worked (or not) in recent years. Whether the Scotland team is selected by one man or by a committee - it still wins or loses willy-nilly, always has, always will.

If rumblings coming from the South are any guide, it seems that the England team for Saturday's game will have a Saracens core. That's got to be good for us. Unlike Sarries, the team in white on Saturday will lack a great Scot at number eight and a handful of Saffers.

Therefore, like most England football teams - minus the capable foreign imports, they will struggle in the face of England Expects. Now, if we can get Dan Parks carted early-on, we should win.

THE prize for the naffest bit of visualisation in this season's Six Nations media coverage has already been won. Last night BBC Scotland, in their item on new Scotland captain Ross Ford, actually came up with a photoshopped picture of Ford, wearing a Scotland captain's arm band. The scream you heard was mine.

It is one of my pet hates - when rugby reporters use the term "captain's arm band" in respect of the captaincy. I've never seen a rugby XV skipper wearing a twee little arm band and may never do.

It's a football thing, but even guys whom I had thought of as "proper" rugby reporters have started using this incorrect term. They're trying to turn us all into little footballers; but rugby chaps are better than that. Or at least, we were.

Moore's on the Money

BRIAN Moore is, for my money, the finest journalist covering rugby today. He was never the Scots' favourite opposition player, he is seen as a Jimmy Hill for rugby to the Rugby Division of the Tartan Army, but, for me, he's the best.

So, when the Pit Bull suggests that Andy Robinson is a great coach, but a lousy selector, I tend to sit up and pay attention;and I think Robinson's selection for Saturday's Calcutta Cup clash is QED to the Moore theory.

I like the look of the back division, it has power, pace and penetration, all it needs is the right pair of half backs, to get it going forward. So, why the fuck has Robinson picked Dan Parks at stand off?

As I said earlier this week, Dan the Man is Yesterday's Man; he's over the hill, lacks what we need and, for my money, ought not to be in the squad, far less handed the number 10 shirt. There is not much wrong with the rest of the team: for instance I'm delighted to see Ross Rennie starting, hopefully John Barclay will react positively to this shot across his bows. I'd still play a fit Johnnie Beattie at number eight, in the absence of the indispensible Kelly Brown, but no way would I have Parks at 10.

Moore might have something.

THE RBS Six Nations press office does a fantastic job at this time of year, sending-out team lines, listing training times and protocols and generally doing their best to ensure Northern Hemisphere's big show gets its due amount of column inches.

I have this week received e-mails listing several Irish selections, and one thing struck me, that is the way the Irish list each player's club as well as his Pro12 province. That way you still see great club names such as Galwegians, Garryowen, UCD, Ballymena, Cork Constitution and Young Munster after a particular player's name, but before Connacht, Leinster, Munster and Ulster - the four provinces.

Go onto one of the four Irish provinces' web sites and you will find a section about the clubs within that province. There is still, across the Irish Sea a definite, tangible link between the amateur and professional game. This may be one of the reasons why the Irish have done so-much better than the Scots in the professional era.

Look at the Scottish team lists - no mention of Hawick, Gala, Melrose, Edinburgh Accies, Heriot's, West of Scotland, Kelso or any of the great Scottish clubs. These clubs are still over the moon when one of their own gets selected for the national side - but, it would seem, in Murrayfield's eyes, clubs are clubs, pro-teams are pro teams and never the twain shall meet. Taking a leaf out of the Irish book and acknowledging that one cannot work without the other might be a significant move in giving real credence to Scottish professional rugby.

I HAVE this week been working on a forthcoming historical sports book - a football one as it happens. This morning I was looking through the Herald archive on-line for some information, when I happened upon one of the sports pages in that newspaper's 1938 issues.

The Glasgow Herald as it then was covered, in some detail, about 15 rugby matches, the major ones - Glasgow HSFP v Glasgow Accies, West of Scotland v Heriot's FP and so on, in what was then the unofficial championship, all had team lines and formations. There were several reports of matches involving the major Glasgow rugby-playing schools: High School, the Academy, Kelvinside Academy, Ayr Academy and so on, and a full list of schools and club results.

Today, the Herald as it now is, selling less than half the papers it did then, only covers Scotland teams, the two pro sides and only gives RBS Premier One a short round-up. And they wonder where their circulation has gone.

Give the public a decent service and they will buy your paper. Simples.